CHAPTER FIFTEEN

After the morning jog, Jordan made it back to the house with sweat trickling over his face. He looked a mess but his insides were quite stable now. He was ready to face Amelia and tell her his truth. He would probably come off as selfish but the truth was that he needed to come out straight to her, he had no idea what would happen at the ned but he knew he wanted his best friend back and he wasn't ready to go into a sexual relationship with her.
He closed the door as he walked in and Amelia appeared from the corner of the room, looking all dashing as always. He tried to look elsewhere and avoid making an eye contact with her, he had fucked up terribly and they both knew that. He was sane, he shouldn't have gone further. He took a deep breath, forcing his mind to stay in the present moment even though all he kept remembering was the expression of pleasure on her face when they fucked. This was part of the reasons he used to avoid mixing business with pleasure and he would balmed whatever happened last night on the fact that he has been celibate for too long.
'You're here," Amelia commented dryly. Those emotions that used to be around her eyes had disappeared and this person staring back at him didn't look like his best friend any more, she looked more like a total stranger to him. This was exactly what he was avoiding and he doubted they would be able to have a sane conversation in this kind of environment. Not with this kind of tension surrounding them and one could almost cut through it with a knife.
'We need to talk," he said finally after a moment and she looked up, more like she was expecting him to say something about it and she already
Amelia nodded, she knew that. 'What about we sit and chat over coffee?" She suggested. She wanted the conversation to be as lighthearted as possible. She also wanted him to be comfortable enough to bare his heart out to her.
'About last night," He said with a sigh.
Amelia blinked, curious to know what he felt about the night they had together. She hoped he liked it or maybe he didnt. She really couldn't tell with the way he was fiddling, she had hoped it would change something between them but it didn't, now it was looking like it would e the cause of a major rift between them. She had never slept as peacefully as she did yesterday night between his arms. His next words stopped her thought from straying further and she almost wished she was hearing something wrong but she wasn't. He was saying it to her face and he didn't care.
'It was a mistake.." He sighed before he cleared his throat for the umpteenth time today. He had no idea how he was supposed to about the tension between them, it was obvious that he wouldn't reciprocate her feelings, it was better not to deceive each other for long.
Amelia's heart was shattered before she could process the rest of his words. She should have known she was being delusional and he would never see her the same way she saw him. She had played herself for too lo g and she had sacrificed a lot for unrequited love. It was a very sad situation.
'It's all my fault," Jordan bowed his head regretfully, 'I shouldn't have drank so much. It's my fault—" She watched in irritation as he tried to show remorse for sleeping with her. No, he shouldn't apologize because the sex was consensual and if anything, she really enjoyed it. She couldn't miss the way he looked everywhere else except her face, he was avoiding eye contact with her and it was that sad. She couldn't wrap her head around the fact that Jordan Wilder, her best friend of over how many years was disgusted by her touch. It was that sad and honestly, she doesn't see herself forgiving him anytime soon.
FIAM!
Amelia's hand moved quicker than her thought process as she landed a thunderous slap on Jordan's face. She had no idea why she slapped or why the nager kept bubbling deep inside of her but she knew she had had enough of him, enough of his lies and enough of everything he stood for. He had played her, toyed with her emotions and pretended not to notice that she was falling for him, she had made herself readily avaiable for him. Every time he had an spisode because of his child, she was right there behind him.
'YOU FUCKING STUPID DUMBASS!" She screamed at the top of her voice, she didn't care if the neighbirs would hear her or not, she jst wanted to show mch this was hurting her, She waited for him to say something or worse do something. He was looking too calm for her liking, she hated it when he does this thing and she knew it would only take a matter of seconds before he turns away and leave her house. It was his usual way of dealing with stuss and she would hate it if he handled this situantion in the same manner.
Jordan immediately started heading towards the door.
Amelia hated this about him. His inability to face his emotions and confront what he truly felt.n He was acoward and a coward that Amelia was obsessed with. Too bad she could have anybody else she wanted but her heart only longed for him.
She walked past him towards the door and locked it. Her eyes were gleaming with tears as she found the courage to look at him. She just wanted him to stay and say something, she didn't inves years of friendship only to be dismissed in this manner, like a disturbing pest.
'You are not leaving until we have this talk!"
Jordan exhaled. Right, there was no escaping this. Their situation had dragged on for far too long. He needed to take care of it right now and put it behind them. From the look of things, he was about to lose his best friend of so many years but what really mattered was that she deserved to be with someone who reciprocated the same feelings. Someone who wouldn't use her and pretend not to see the way she gazed at him or the way her touches lingered on for too long.
And Amelia deserved some sort of closure if the relationship they had for years was going to end tonight. She deserved a reason to lt go of everything, in all honest he was a abd person and nothing he could say to her would rectify that, in as much as he feels like leaving everything unsolved would limit the hrut she would feel but he knew thrashing it out would hurt more but it was the best option they both had.
'I shouldn't have taken advantage of you, Amelia. I was supposed to be like an older brother but instead, I slept with you." He started off slowly before pauisng agaon, he had no idea what to say. Heck, he didnt even know how to console grieving people. He wanted to say stuffs hat would magically take away all the hurt but he couldn't find his voice, it was that bad.
Amelia looked at Jordan with disbelief. 'Are you kidding me right now?!" her mouth tugged up into an irritating frown. She had expected him to say something baiut what was going on but nhe was being mute again which was typically Jordan. No wonder he rarely got into confrontations because he was scared of what would be the outcome of everything when he finishes doing them. She wasn't going to let the bury anything unresolved because he was tongue tied.
'I was the one who initiated the sex with you last night because I'm in love with you and sexually attracted to you!" Amelia blurted with no shame, leaving Jordan speechless. Jordan could barely say another word because he was tonguetied at this pont, this wasn't what he was exoectinga nd this was dfinitely not the plan, he didn't intend to make them get to this point. He balmed himslef for going for the baut last night, everything could have been easily avoided.
How could he let this drag on this long.
He looked at her face and his heart ached at the look of longing that was plastered all over it.
He couldn't reciprocate her feelings because he had none. He was done trying out ths love thing with anyone and he would rather be alone and watch his daughter slowly lose her life than be in a relationship he didn't even want. Leading a lady on for no reason was an extremely dirty behavuor that Jordan would never participate in, no matter what.
'I've watched you be with many women for years yet I can't even have a piece of you? Not once did you ever look at me as a woman but as a fucking nerdy friend who stuck up to you no matter what happened? Because of you, I grew my hair longer and enhanced my looks but you never once looked at me!" She was scareming at this point and Jordan had never been torn at any point in his life like he was at this monent, the funny thing was that he knew and he encouraged it. He shouldn't have but he did anyways. Jordan's heart was racing while the petite woman expressed her feelings. It made him embarrassed to know how she would feel if he told her he knew about every damn thing and he was just playing along ignorantly.
He'd been avoiding this exact confrontation but now he couldn't walk away from it, not without it costing their friendship. This was the point he didn';t wan them to get to and now a drunken night of sex would lead them here and make thwir friendship hit the rock bottom.
'Jordan, what do you feel about me?"
Nothing.
He looked up to Amelia's hopeful gaze.
'You don't have to worry about anything Jordan, you're safe here. You can tell me." Amelia urged kindly. She was tired of this endless crucw and she really want to know what went on in his head, she really wnated to know what he thought of domethings and his opinions about some toher things too. As much as it was hurtful, he knew he had to say those words, to put an end to her undying hope of a relationship happening between the two of them.
'I'm sorry," he said, 'I feel nothing for you." He finally replied and the room went silent. Part of the reason why he knew the truth would hurt. He watched Amelia blink back multiple times while she struggled to fin a place to lean on. His words ahd no doubt made her feel unsettled, scratchg that. It had made her whole world crash down right before her own very eyes.
Amelia looked taken aback. Yet she swallowed the lump that was forming in her throat, it made her feel like throwing up, in disgust of herself. She was disgusted at the load of studs she had to o get his attention and to make him fall in love withher, every damn thing didn't work out. Now she was going to pick the crumbs of his own heart by the ned of the day without no
'So.." Jordan continued, 'I hope you stop doing what you're doing, it's embarrassing. Let's just stop this. You've been around me for more than six years, it's enough. This is getting old and it's uncomfortable for me as well. I don't want to do this and If i was attracted to you, I would have hit on you the very moment we became friends. I don't want to lose you or our friendship but the earlier you realize what you think of is impossible, the better for us both."
Amelia looked at Jordan with a look of disbelief. How could so many years of being friends mean nothing to him? He even acknowledged the night they had together as a mistake. She had painful break ups in the oast but none hit her harder than Jordan's words to her. To think that he knew about her feelinsga nd he refused to acknowledge them. He allowed her go on with it for the past sevene years and he watched her. Only God know hat he would think of her as now.
Just how much did she cling to him to make him see her as a burden? All she ever wanted was to be the reason for his happiness. But it seemed like she failed and she couldn't get his love, no matter how many years she stayed by his side. All the efforts she put into this friendshipa nd how hard h tried to make everything work out perfectly in the ending was going to be arecipe for disaster nd she had no idea what that meant to her.
'Get out," She said, tears threatening to spill out of her eyes. She felt more like a pushover, she felt like a total failure. She refused to admit it but it was the truth, the earlier she vecame honest with herself, the better for them both. If he stayed here any longer, she might just break down. The pity in his eyes made her even more irritated, she wanted to scream at herself for being this plain stupid with the whole thing, she could have avoided it like a plague.
'GET OUT!" She snapped, the rage bursting out of her.
Jordan hesitated. If he stepped out he wouldn't be able to see her again.
He couldn't hold her hand but he couldn't let her go either. It was unfair to her, he knew this but he lingered.. hoping she'll just stick with them being friends and forget that night never happened.
That was pure selfishness emitting from him. Her eyes were angry and he knew to not expect more from her.
'From now on, you and I are strangers and I don't want to ever see your face again." Amelia said with a look of faltering determination.
She was in pains and he caused it.
'WHAT ARE YOU STILL WAITING FOR?!" She raged on, 'GET OUT!" She slapped his chest while unlocking the door.
Heavy tears rolled down her cheeks as she pulled the door open and pushed Jordan out.
Jordan watched as tears gushed out of her eyes. That was the last he saw of her as the door shut in his face.
He swallowed the lump in his throat and felt some heavy feeling in his chest.
So this was it. She was no longer a part of his life and it was his fault he couldn't love her properly.
Maybe it was better this way, she deserved someone better as a friend and lover.