CHAPTER TWENTY FOUR

Jordan could never forget the evil call that changed his life, that day on set. he was deep into supervision and the cellphone rang, it wasn't supposed to ring because only the hospital line should ring out. He could feel the gloom at the end and he rushed towards the ringing device. When he heard his daughter's doctor trying to talk about her dying, he knew he had to rush to the hospital. He grabbed his keys and he turned to the entire crew, before uttering the words no parent ever prayed to say.
'My daughter is dying… I want to go and say my goodbyes" He saw the pity clouding their vision but he needed to get there before she left him, he needed to see her again and she should smile at him again. He wanted her to assure him she would forever stick around and watch over him. He rushed into the hospital room and he saw the way everyone stood at the door with tears in their eyes, June might be a small girl, she had a long string of friends who would be sad forever.
The continuous beep of the machines reminded him of the little time he had left and when he got inside, he met his daughter looking thoroughly tired. This time, the light in her eyes was out, and before he was a child struggling to be alive. Tears rushed to his eyes and he held her tiny hand. He had no idea what to say or what to promise her, in cases like this, everything has failed him. He could not even promise to save her from the clutches of death.
'Papa, I'm dying. Papa all of these pains are killing me" She croaked out and the tears doubled, he kneeled beside her trying not to disrupt the wires connected to her body, he kissed her forehead before smiling at her. She was smiling through her own tears too and at that moment, he held her close. It was her against the world this time, alone without him by her side. The thoughts alone sickened him to the last part.
He watched life slip out of her slowly and she took her last breath holding on to him just like he did when she came to him for the first time she was born. He knew she would be his only source of happiness and he wondered how he would fare with her gone forever.
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Jordan was sad, he didn't believe that he was going to survive this, he didn't plan for this to happen to him, June was all he had, she was his life that was why he tried all his best to make sure she had the best medical attention, she was his world and now she was gone, he couldn't stop starring at the boxes that contained all her things from her bedroom and the boxes with her things that were brought from the hospital, he couldn't stop wishing that he had learned about her illness earlier than this, maybe time would have been on his side, maybe he would have been able to save her and still be with his little girl that illuminated all the sunshine in his world because he had all the money it would take to treat her, maybe with a bit of luck she would have survived or even lived longer,
Life was meaningless without her, she was his baby girl, now he didn't even think he was fit to be called a father anymore, he failed her, all those times he was gone when he didn't provide time for her as a father. He didn't think he deserved to be called one because the only child he had in his care, he couldn't even play his role as the typical loving and perfect father, he thought money and gifts were all she need to feel his love but feeling her absence now, he finally felt the void he guesses she felt whenever he wasn't around her.
His hands were on the lids of one of the boxes and it was a real struggle he was fighting Internally to even open it and take a glance at his now gone daughter's things. He couldn't even get himself to pack her stuff into the boxes himself, he had to ask the help who took care of June to gather her things at home and a nurse she befriended over the time she was admitted at the hospital and became close to her to help him, he couldn't bring himself close to June's stuff because he knew that he was going to have a breakdown, he had to be strong, if not for himself but for his mental health, so he could move on, he had to do that for everyone around him because as a director, people obviously depended on him and he couldn't just let them done or let them go. Truly, losing June would leave a huge dent in his life that would never get healed but with time, he was going to get used to her absence and remember the happy memories of the little time he got to spend with her. They kept on saying it... He had to move and he knew they were right but it wasn't easy for him, it wasn't going to be easy like placing Jam on bread. One step at a time, he kept repeating in his head because that was the only way.
He was so angry at himself, he couldn't get to forgive himself for the mistakes he made as a father. He was so busy with work, day and night that he didn't get to notice how June was, he was her father and saw her every night at dinner when he returned from work but didn't notice how frail or pale she had become. The help wasn't always around too so she didn't get to notice the way June's health kept on deteriorating. He was too focused on getting her things and gifts that only money could buy, he couldn't buy her love or affection as a daughter so that affected everything between them and from a little age, June wasn't always close to him., He didn't even have that much Relationship with her until she was diagnosed, he wished he had a time machine he could reset and go back in time way before she was sick so he could go back and be with her all the time, be attentive to her, and also make all the time in the world for her no matter what, he thought hard and long, wished for so many things that he could take back and so many he could do for June, he wished she could come back and she'd smile and run into his arms like it was all a dream from the beginning. He was tired, he was weak, all these thoughts were draining his energy but there was nothing he could do except wish and wish more till it either took a toll on him mentally or he got himself together and faced the reality that his beloved June was gone forever and nothing could revive her.
Jordan looked at the boxes in front of him, what was he going to do with all this boxes? He kept on wondering but deep inside, he knew exactly what June would want... charity. He didn't want to give them away though, not yet. He couldn't bring himself to do that, he didn't know what to do. Does he keep it for a while or let it all go completely? It was his only connection left with June and he knew if her things stayed longer with him, he wouldn't find the strength in him to let them all go again. He would become a certified freak that can't let his daughter's things go, he had lingered thoughts of June's boxes and what to do with them and he knew needed to come to final decision before it was too late so he concluded what he was going to do, talk to anyone that was going to help him do the charity because he knew he would break down if he did it himself. Then he remembered one of the conversations he had with June when they went to one of their rare outings together, they barely went out together because anytime he was back in the house, he rarely had her time, he was always tired or too busy with work stuff.
"Dad, You are home early" Five-year-old June looked up with surprise at her father, he knew that he was going to get this reaction from her, he never was around by this time of the day, he was always back when she was either sleeping or having her dinner, this was why he knew in his heart of hearts that she was going to be shocked, he had plans for that day and he left the office because he couldn't stop thinking about the void that he must have created between him and his daughter.
"I missed spending time with my baby girl, so daddy decided to have fun with you little cutie today " Jordan replied and he could still notice that she was still shocked, he understood what was happening but he wasn't going to let that affect the plans he had for her today, so he made a boring dad joke and she laughed while making fun of his joke "that wasn't funny dad, but I can't stop laughing" she said in between her laughter and he couldn't help but smile too, her laughter was medicinal.
Jordan recalled how that day went and how they had lot of fun, she was one of the rays of sunshine he had in his dark life, he remembered one of the toys she won on that that day because she was very competitive, she didn't want him to buy the toy for her, since they could be won by playing a game, June decided to play the game and she won, he needed that toy, it was going to make him close to her, if he was going to give what was in her boxes out he wasn't sure he was going to be giving out that particular toy out, it was the only time they went to have fun together before her illness.
Jordan snapped awake from the horrible nightmare he had been having, he couldn't believe he was absent in June's life. He pinched himself several times to confirm if he was dreaming but he wasn't. At least the part that June died was a dream but the part where he was too busy to care for her was a dream. It was far from reality and he was grateful for that, at least he didn't abandon his child and out of his very tough schedule, he found a way to return to her every night.
Jordan finally stood up and went to the box that was written toys, he checked inside the box and saw the stuffed Giraffe toy, he quickly brought it out and held it so close to his chest, inhaling the scent of her baby perfume and the sweet scented hair oil that she always applied before going to school. This was all he needed, he didn't need anything more than this stuffed toy that would remind him of his sweet child all the time he stares at it, it would remind him of the only fun time they had as father and daughter and he would live to reminisce in that moment on and on, it would remind of all the nights she clutched tight onto the toy while sleeping in her bed in the hospital while he was with her, it would remind him of all the time he laughed and played with her; pushing her around the hospital in a wheelchair and she would laugh and clap in excitement or just hang her hands up above her head in the air to feel the breeze sweep through her fingers. He wasn't going to cry anymore because he didn't have tears remaining to shed over June's death, it wouldn't bring her back.
He still couldn't help himself and the train of thoughts that ran through his mind filled with June and he couldn't ignore the impending ache in his heart as he thought of her long and hard enough, he went back to where he was sitting down and decided that he was going to call one of his acquittance that works in a Children's care center and ask if they would be willing to take all of June's things, June would be proud of him because she had always been a sucker for helping people, he knew she was going to like his idea. She always loved the idea of helping people.
Jordan just had to bring himself to let this go and try to not think that him giving out June's things was going to make him lose all the memories he had of her, he knew she was always going to be his little baby girl, it was time to do the necessary things, perhaps she could be smiling from above in heaven, proud of her father for giving out her stuff to the needy. He had to call and see when they would have the chance to come and pick up the boxes and distribute them to kids in their foster homes.
Jordan finally dialed the number on his phone, it was ringing and he almost hit the end button because he wasn't ready to let go, it was like a war was going on in his head and it would explode at anytime soon with struggling to either let the phone ring until the person at the other end picks up or end the call and have reminders of June with him till the next time he gets the courage to give out her things. He told himself that if this beeped one more time and there was no response he was going to hang up and keep all of June's things in the storage till when he was ready to let go, he was about to hang up when a lady, the secretary picked up "welcome to our child care, how may I help you?" he told her why he called and told her his intention of what he wanted to do with his daughter's things hurriedly before he changed his mind, she told him that they were going to be happy to have it and she was sorry for his loss and then the call ended. This was it, the last moment to hold onto June. Tears clouded his eyes as his gaze moved over the boxes one by one and a sad watery smile spread over his face as a tear dropped "I'll miss you my dear June"