Chapter 12, Milo

I'm an asshole.

I shouldn't have spent the night in the hospital with her, she's still mad at me, and seeing me right when she woke up destabilized her.

I hurt her, and I know it, but I have too much pride to apologize, or to recognize that I was wrong, because I don't think I was.

We are fake dating, and our relationship has been shattered in a million fucking pieces two years ago. I don't think I have the strength to try and pull them back together. I don't even know if there's sill something worth putting together. So no, that kiss wasn't real to me. It was only driven by lust and envy.

Yesterday night, I told my brother I still had feelings for Esmeralda.

I do. I do feel something for her, but I don't know of which nature the emotions I feel towards her are.

They say there's a thin line between love and hate, and I have no fucking idea in what side of it I stand.

I don't want to find out, right now.

I try not to think too much about the fact that she legit kicked me out of her room, as I enter the closest bar I can find. Every instinct yells at me to run back to her and not let her spend the night alone, but I know that if anything, it would make everything worse.

I hope she's not alone. I know how much she hates being alone when she's hurting.

The music is drowned by the crowd's conversations.

No one even turns my way when I move towards the bar counter.

Hopefully no one will recognize me and see me get so drunk I might pass out, because that would be scandalous.

My phone rings, and I really feel like chucking it against a wall because Flynn Rider is the last person I want to have a conversation with, but work is work, so I pick up.

"Hi, Milo !" My producer's enthusiastic voice makes me want to punch him because I'm really not in the mood for any enthusiasm right now.

"Hey Flynn. What's up ?" I try to make my voice as pleasant as I can, but it just sounds strained.

"Nothing much, man. I just called you to inform you that we start shooting in twelve days, so the best thing to do would be to be in France in a week. We'll shoot the first half of the movie in the south of France."

I wasn't expecting us to start filming so soon, but I am happy that I will get away from LA, and be able to use work as a distraction from everything that's going on right now.

"Alright, I'll be there. Thanks, buddy."

"Of course. Take care, Chase.

"You too, Rider."

And that was that.

I finally sit in one of the chairs of the bar counter and ask the barman to make me the strongest thing he has

The following morning, I have the biggest hangover I've ever had in my entire life.

My head throbs so bad I feel like it might fucking explode at any moment. I don't have many memories from last night, only that I rejected as many girls as I could, and even if the majority recognized me, they didn't dare ask me for pictures of why I was in a bar by myself because of the daggers I was shooting at everyone with my eyes.

At one point I called Ellis to bring me home.

More like drag me out of the bar and into his car.

I groan and swallow a pill of Ibuprofen and drink whole bottle of water.

I take a quick shower, when my headache calms down, then proceed to spend half and hour wondering what I should do today.

My emotions are still all over the place. I don't know what to do with myself, what I should feel, or what I shouldn't.

Fucking God, I sound like a pregnant woman.

Even if right now is one of the rare moments when I'm not drowning in work, and I'm supposed to be enjoying it, I wish I had something to distract myself.

I then spend thirteen other minutes making peace with the fact that I need to turn to the only human being who knows me even more than I know myself.

My mother.

My apartment is only a few blocks from my family's house, so I arrive there in ten minutes.

I always call my apartment "apartment or "house", because I still haven't found the place where I really feel at home. I don't know if I ever will.

I try to visit my family as often as possible, but I still don't see them as much as I would like.

I tap the code to open the big front gates, and allow myself in.

The first thing I see when I enter the big open spaced living room is a dog.

A dog ?

It's a tiny golden retriever, and it's running towards me.

I kneel down in front of it, and he immediately jumps in my arms.

I have a soft spot for animals. This is a thing I would never say out loud, not in a million years. Because, who on earth would think that heartless Milo Chase has a fucking soft spot for animals ?

When I was younger, I used to play with any insect or animal I could find. I even brought a rat to my Mom's room and she almost passed out from horror.

I had a dog named Raven when I was a kid. He was my best friend. We were inseparable, like taking baths together kind of inseparable. Then, when I was fifteen he died of old age, and I was so heartbroken. I cried for days and days.

"Hi buddy. What on earth are you doing here ?"

He lets out a small bark as if he's answering me.

I narrow my eyes in confusion, and that's when I hear high-pitched screams coming from the inside of the living room.

"Put me down, you ass ! I will literally kill you ! Put me the fuck down, Ellis !"

A whole lot of very filthy curses follow and I put my head in my hands, already annoyed.

That, ladies and gentlemen would be my baby sister Alice.