Chapter 16, Esmeralda

Oh, this is going to be a disaster.

My day was going very well, I had brunch with Rita, she announced that she was pregnant, then I had to do some paperwork for the charity, and I was having lunch with my parents, when my cellphone rang.

Alice Chase was calling me.

She was, what ? Fourteen, when I left for New York ?

Now she's sixteen and already acts and talks like a grown up adult.

I naturally picked up the phone and hesitantly said, "Oh, hi Alice."

"Hi Esmeralda !" She replied with enthusiasm. "How are you ?"

"I'm good, how are you ?" I answered politely.

"I'm fine, I know it's been like, forever, but I just found out you and Milo were a thing, and I thought we could catch up on the two years you've been in New York."

That's surprising. We were never very close, but I think it was because she was too busy being a popular school girl with popular friends to give a shit about her brother's best friend. I don't blame her, though. I was a real awkward kid.

"Uh, yeah, that sounds good to me."

"We have a family dinner tonight, and I was wondering if you wanted to come."

Oh, fuck. I love Milo's family, they've been all but so kind and caring towards me, since I was a child, but I really wasn't emotionally ready to confront him, or pretend that I'm dating him. I tried to find an appropriate excuse without sounding like a bitch.

"I would absolutely love that, except, Milo and I are kind of in a fight right now, so I don't think this would be the best moment for me to join a family dinner."

I winced at the half truth. I just knew this wouldn't be enough.

"Oh, that's too bad. Mom insisted that you come..."

Did she just pull the "Mom" card at me ?

This kid is way too smart for her own good.

"And maybe this could be you guys' chance to make up ?" she adds tentatively.

I sigh. I have no other choice but to accept, at least we'll have to post on social media that we're together, then, make one last appearance and we'll be done for good. I suggested a few months, and it's been almost two, so that's enough for me. I think.

"Okay, then. I'll come. Thanks for inviting me, sweetie." I only answered.

"Amazing ! Dinner's at 9."

After the call ended, I told my parents, then worked some more on my incoming photoshoots and fittings, had a quick FaceTime call with Rita. At the end of the afternoon, Milo sent me a text, saying he would be the one to pick me up. I wrote back a simple "okay", then proceeded to get ready.

What do you even wear to your supposedly boyfriend's family dinner ?

I had to ask my sister for advice, and I finally went with plain white jeans, a green cropped sweater, and some jewelry.

Right now, I am an anxious mess as I'm waiting for Milo to text me that he's here.

I am trying to figure out how I'll act with him, if I should pretend like nothing happened, scold him, or ignore him. I am playing with my sweater's sleeves when my phone beeps, it's him.

I take a deep breath before kissing my father goodbye, and leaving the house.

His expensive car is parked right in front of the gates, and I open the passenger's door, then get in.

"Hi." I greet hesitantly.

"Hey." He turns to look at me with his intense green eyes. He obviously looks me up and down, and I take this as an opportunity to look at him as well. He's wearing his usual black attire, a dark shirt, and pants. His hair is for the first time not perfectly gelled. It's messy, dark locks falling on his forehead. His casual style makes him even more handsome than as usual.

I clear my throat, then bring my eyes up to his.

"Uh, I wanted to apologize." He starts.

I'm sorry what ?
Since when does arrogant Milo Chase apologize ? He used to, when we were friends, and only to me. He never cared about other people's feelings, but now that he hates me ? The surprise must be shown of my face, because he rolls his eyes, and says.

"Come on, Esmeralda. Don't act like I never apologize to anyone."

"You don't." I counter, raising my eyebrows at him.

An amused gleam takes over his serious expression.

"Well, if you don't want to hear it..." I'm not sure if he's kidding, so drop my scowl. There's no way I'll miss this opportunity.

"No, go on, I'm listening."

He sighs, "I'm sorry for making you feel like I used you. I didn't. Everything is just so fucking confusing right now, and I missed you so much during these two years that I don't even know how to act around you anymore. That kiss meant something to me, I am just too much of a prick to admit it."

My heart takes an abnormal rapid rhythm.

He missed me ?

I narrow my eyes, trying to decipher his expression. He can't be serious, right ? Where did the devil I despised go ?

Oh God, he is serious. I loosen a small breath, and give him a small smile.

"You are too much of a prick to admit it, Milo, but most of all, you're just scared of what that means for you to actually feel something, when you spent two whole years hating me."

His eyes seem to soften, then after a few seconds, he whispers, "I don't think I hate you anymore."

I'm not sure if I am still breathing. He hasn't shown me this vulnerable side of him in a damn long time. I can literally see his walls dropping and notice that he leaned in, and that we are closer than we were a few minutes ago.

"Then let me in." I whisper, my gaze dropping to his lips, then up to his eyes again. "Don't lock me out whenever you remember you're supposed to hate me."

He swallows soundly, "I can't." His voice cracks at the word.

His eyes are gleaming with something that looks like tears. The mirror of my own.

"Why ?" I breathe. "Why can't you let me in ?" I sound desperate, but I don't care, right now. All I want is to know why.

"Because I don't want you to break my heart again." His walls are up again, rebuilding brick by brick. My own heart breaks a little at the sigh.

I am about to open my mouth when he suddenly pulls away from me. He starts the car, before shaking his head, his face a cold mask of indifference, "It doesn't matter, right now."

"Right." I swallow past the tightness of my throat, and blink a few times to chase the tears away. "Of course you're walking away again."

He clenches his jaw, silent.

"I don't accept your apology, you fucking dick." My voice cracks as well, thick with emotion.

I hate him. I hate that I am crying again, because of him. I hate how he pushes me away. I hate that he treats me like shit. I hate myself for hurting him so bad, that he's broken beyond repair.

But most of all, I hate how I couldn't hate him, even if I wanted to.