Chapter 17, Milo

When I was a kid, the two most important things to me were my family, and my friends.

Except, I only had one friend, and that was Esmeralda. We were neighbors at first, our parents were friends, and did business together sometimes. When they were invited to our house, Rita used to hangout with Ellis and do teenagers stuff together, but Esmeralda never left her mother's side. She was always shy and introvert, until I finally gathered the courage to ask her to play with me. She reluctantly accepted, and we went to the garden together. We played for hours, until it was time for her to go. She told me that people picked on her at school because of how shy she was. The seven year old girl soon became my best-friend in the entire world, and she changed my life.

Today, the two most important things in my life are still my family and Esmeralda.

There is no denying it now.

But, as I always do, I ran away. Again. She asked me to let her in, and I was fucking on the verge of doing it, but I was so scared to go through the shit I went through after she left for New York, after she left me, so I did what I do best, I ran away from from her.

And right now, watching her wipe the remnants of her tears is fucking breaking me. I force myself to turn around, and open my car door with a clenched jaw, she doesn't wait for me to open hers, and gets out of the car.

"Game on." She mutters when I'm in earshot.

I take a deep breath, and start heading for the big wooden doors. Esmeralda puts her best poker face on and follows my lead.

Game on, indeed.

As soon as I reach the doors, I ring the bell, and a few seconds later, Alice opens the door, Ellis behind her. My little sister is wearing a short red dress, and once again the big oversized shirt she stole from me. She squeaks as soon as she sees us, and pays me no heed, throwing herself at Esmeralda and hugging her tightly.

"Hi !" She says with her usual enthusiastic voice.

"Hey, sweetie." Esmeralda answers softly.

I can't help but smile at the two of them.

When they finally let go, Esmeralda greets Ellis with a little nod, and gets invited in. I ruffle Alice's hair as I enter the house as well.

My mother intercepts us on the way in, and hugs the brunette too.

"Hello, sweetheart."

"Hi, Nora. Thank you for inviting me." She smiles kindly at her, and I can literally feel my insides melt. Pregnant woman, am I right ?

My father is the last one to welcome her, and soon enough, we're all seated in the large wooden table. Esmeralda is seated at my right, and my brother at my left.

My mother serves everyone food in their plates, and I see Esmeralda laugh at something Alice whispered from her seat across from the brown haired woman.

We all start digging in our food. Dad's gaze drifts to Esmeralda, and he raises his fork to point at her, and asks, "Oh, we heard you guys were in Paris. How did that go ?"

I wince at the motion, my mother clears her throat, and my supposedly girlfriend tenses besides me, fidgeting with her fingers anxiously. I have to restrain myself from putting a hand on her knee to comfort her.

My father, obviously has no idea we are fake dating, and since I haven't really spoken to him, he didn't even get to ask me how the disaster trip went. And bringing it up during dinner really sucks, because seriously ? There are like hundred conversation subjects he could bring up. The weather, for example. Or her modeling career, or the charity for all I know.

Esmeralda swallows her bite, and gives him a small smile, "It went well, it was, uh, very — insightful."

I swear to God that I literally see Ellis choke on his water, and try to hide it with a hand on his mouth.

Insightful ? Really ?

My father doesn't look fazed in the least. Instead, he shrugs and only drawls, "I knew you kids would come around and agree you're madly in love with each other. Make sure to use protection, though."

This time I'm the one to choke on my own saliva, and Esme looks like she wants the earth to crack and swallow her down.

"Dad !" I yell. "I'm twenty-one for fuck's sake, and that's none of your business."

"And ? Twenty one is still too young to have children, right, Nora ?" He turns towards his wife and she only rolls her eyes, "Do not act like we didn't have Ellis very at twenty-three, Christopher."

This time, it's Alice who interrupts, "So you can go around asking about my sex life, and yours is none of Dad's business ? That's literally not fair-"

"Your sex life ?!" Ellis exclaims at the same time as Dad.

"I'm going to need your boyfriend's name and address so I can properly beat him up." My older brother says, serious as hell.

My baby sister — who's apparently not a baby anymore looks at all of us, her eyes wide. She looks indignant, "I'm fucking sixteen !" She cries out in annoyance. "Mom, back me up here !"

Mom looks a lot between annoyed and amused, used to our bickering by now, which it happens at every damn family dinner.

"No one's going to jail for aggression." She throws Ellis a pointed look, then looks around us. "And stop bickering, the dinner's getting cold."

I sigh, then turn towards Esmeralda who's already looking at me, the smile she was wearing observing the scene fades when our eyes meet. I see her throat bob, when she swallows, then looks away from me. My heart flutters at the obvious hurt in her gaze.

Everyone continues eating, and my parents ask her about modeling and hopefully my paternal doesn't says any other awkward things.

When we're in the middle of desert, my brother leans in front of me to reach Esmeralda.

"How's Cleo doing ?" He tries to sound his usual cold unfazed self, but I can hear the faltering in his voice. He's so goddamn whipped.

The brunette raises her eyebrows in surprise, "She's well, I guess. We haven't spoken a lot lately." Her brows furrow, "She said you guys didn't work everything out."

Ellis groans a bit, "Yeah." Is the only answer he gives, before leaning back in his chair.

When it starts to get late and the night is over, we greet my family goodbye, before walking to my car. The ride home is awkwardly quiet, and when we finally get to her house, she turns to meet my eyes.

"Thank you for the ride." She murmurs.

"It's nothing."

She opens the door, and gets out of the car. She starts to walk away, then suddenly halts, like she forgot something. She makes her way back to the car, and stops at the passenger's car window.

She bends down so she's at the car's height.

"Milo ?"

"Yeah ?"

"I've never hated you."

My heart skips a beat, and I swear I can feel fucking butterflies having a feast party in my stomach. I don't know what to answer, or what she expects me to say to her. Her sudden confession unsettles me. I think I've been too caught up in how I actually feel about her, that I didn't even think about how she feels towards me, too. She doesn't seem to expect one, and is ready to turn away again, when I blurt, "I need to be in France in four days."

Her eyes widen, and she takes the time to process, and think of an answer.

"Then we'll make one last appearance in two days, and all of this is over." She responds quietly.

Somehow, her saying it out loud makes my chest hurt very bad, and that's when it hits me, like I've been punched in the face. The thing that I've spent two years trying to run away from.

I really am in love with her, am I ?

I don't want to let her go, I want to ask her to stay, and tell her that I love her, but once again, my fucking trust issues come in the way.

She broke my heart once, what if she does it again ? I don't think I can allow myself to forgive her, or have a conversation with her about what happened two years ago because I really don't want to relive it. I may love her, but I cannot let her in.

Because if I do, and she decides to destroy me, I'm afraid I love her enough to let her.

Esmeralda turns around, and walks away without a word.

I don't stop her.