#36 My confession

Sebastian frowned and sat up, resting his back against the headboard. His grey eyes gave me a calculating look. He was obviously curious to hear my story, but at the same time, he looked hesitant.
"Only if you feel like sharing it with me," Sebastian finally answered.
I nodded slowly and readjusted my position so I could lean my head on his shoulder.
Sebastian wrapped his arms around my waist, caressing my baby bump.
My mind traveled back to everything my parents had once told me.
"I was born with a heart deformity, one that was recognized quickly after my birth. I was inconsolable crying, and I turned blue even while eating. After a series of tests and a more careful examination, the doctors informed my parents about my condition."
Sebastian pecked my forehead, trying to give me some courage to go on.
"Pretty much nothing was properly formed in my heart. The doctors thought it was better to wait a few months before the surgery. Even though my parents learned how to deal with the cyanotic crisis, I was admitted into the hospital multiple times," I continued my story with a trembling voice.
"But you made it at last, sweetheart…" Sebastian whispers to me soothingly.
A sigh escaped my lips, and I tried to regain my composure. "Yes and no. I had the first surgery eleven months after my birth. It was successful because I survived, and the surgeon had managed to restore most of the damage. However, it didn't last…"
Sebastian turned to look at me with a frown. He couldn't understand where this conversation was heading...
"I spent my childhood sheltered from everything a normal child does. I ran only inside the house and when my parents weren't watching. The only friends I had were our neighbors' kids. I didn't go to prom, and I have no idea about the high school drama since I was homeschooled my whole life…"
I gulped down nervously and took some deep breaths. These weren't only stories my parents had once told me; these were my memories and feelings.
"I was eleven when the first signs of heart failure started to appear. In the beginning, it was mild, but the symptoms became worse as years went by. Despite how much I wanted it, I couldn't run anymore, I couldn't play in our back yard, I stopped dreaming of ever going to school…"
"I'm so sorry, Evelyn…" the billionaire murmured, kissing my hair and rubbing my back comfortingly.
A shaky breath left my lips before I continued, "I was eighteen when the heart failure was characterized as severe. By that time, I didn't even have the strength to go to the bathroom by myself, and the simplest task made me feel tired…"
I let my mind fly back to these painful days. I was lying on the bed all day or sitting in a wheelchair to move, while a bottle of oxygen was following me everywhere. I could only watch TV, read a book, or study without panting. Sometimes even breathing was exhausting, and that's when we knew that fluid filled my lungs once again…
"I suffered most of the complications of heart failure, and I was hospitalized more times than I care to count. My parents were helpless. They heard multiple times that I wasn't going to make it through the night. Yet, I always woke up the next morning..." I said in a small voice.
"Doctors, nurses, people I saw on the streets, all of them looked at me with pity… They thought I was going to die before my nineteenth birthday. But somehow, every time that I got worse, a small miracle happened, and I survived for yet another day."
Tears rolled down my face, but I couldn't stop them. The emotional struggle was more than I had thought, but it also felt exhilarating. Letting out all these pent-up emotions, talking to someone about the dark times I went through made my soul feel lighter.
"I was happy with every sunrise and sunset I had the chance to watch because I didn't know whether this would be my last one. My parents tried to be optimistic and happy in front of me. However, my mom cried every night, and my dad was devastated…"
I turned my head to look at him as a sigh escaped my lips.
Sebastian's face was very solemn, and his eyes red, probably because he was also on the verge of tears.
"I now know how difficult it must have been for my parents. I was their only child, and they watched me dying, unable to help me. I was slipping away every passing day… The doctors gave me the highest concentrations of medicines and tried to support my heart in every way possible. After my eighteenth birthday, I told them that I didn't want to die at the hospital. Thus, the medical approach had been altered according to my wish…"
For a few moments, we both stayed silent. I struggled to find the courage to keep talking while Sebastian tried to take in all the information.
"Why did you give up?" he asked, frowning.
"I had enough of the hospitals, and all I wanted was to die in my house, preferably while sleeping. I had come to terms with my condition, and I knew this was the best for all. I just wanted to finally relax and be free from everything," I replied.
Sebastian brushed the few stray tears that trailed down my cheeks.
I was on the brink of death for so many years, and my life was pure torture. At that time, there wasn't any other solution, except...
"I was on the waiting list for a transplant. This would be my last hope, but nothing had happened for more than three years. I was getting worse, and this time I knew that it'd be the last…" I trailed off.
"So, what happened?" Sebastian asked, his voice laced with curiosity and concern.
"A miracle happened; I was given a second chance in life… On November 10, 2017, the beeper buzzed for the first time in all these years. I could have died from a heart attack the moment I heard the beeping. I swear, my heart almost stopped beating. But the joy and relief that rushed into my veins are indescribable," I told him as the same adrenaline coursed in my blood.
However, I felt Sebastian stiffen underneath me. "A donor was found on this date?" he asked in a hoarse voice.
"Yes, Sebastian. And I know how ironic it is; another person had to die for me to live," I exclaimed and sat across him on the bed.
The billionaire seemed lost in his thoughts for a few moments.
"Do you know the identity of the donor?" he inquired once again.
"Of course not. Such things are confidential. I don't know the donor, nor the donor's family knows the recipients," I answered him.
Sebastian didn't seem satisfied but urged me to continue. "So, what happened next?"
"The doctors decided that this was indeed the right graft for me, and I had the transplant. It may sound simple, but I can assure you it wasn't. The chances to die on that table were high, and a graft rejection could happen at any given moment. It was risky, but this was my last chance to survive, and now this is my second chance to live," I replied as new tears welled up in my eyes.
"That surgery changed my whole life. I was able to go to college and find a job. I now can make friends, fall in love, and live my life without all the restrictions and worries. Well, I'm still on medication, and I must follow a certain lifestyle. However, my life is almost normal," I added, as a small smile appeared on my lips.
I tried to decipher his expression, but his feelings altered quickly inside his grey eyes.
Sebastian took my hands in his and looked deeply into my eyes. "Why didn't you tell me before?" he asked in a low voice.
His question didn't catch me completely off guard because he was right. I had been asking the same thing to myself, yet the answer we both wanted was still unclear.
"I don't know. At first, we weren't exactly in terms that allowed me to confess something like this. Then, the pregnancy happened, and I was more concerned about the baby. I can't bear going through this nightmare once again…" I muttered.
"But you should have told me, Evelyn. You shouldn't have gone through all this stress alone."
"You know, the chances of our daughter having the deformity I was born with isn't that high. Yet, there are still so many things that can go wrong. I can reject the graft with fatal consequences for both her and me. Preeclampsia, intrauterine growth restriction, hypoxia, or even death are some possible complications. It won't be easy, and I'm scared that you might not want to be part of all this…"
Sebastian stayed silent as he stared into my baby bump.
"After the change in your attitude, I couldn't afford to lose you. I tried not to think about all the potential complications, and I forced myself to believe that everything will turn out just fine. But, to be honest, I'm dreading even the thought of having to deal with all this by myself. I didn't want your money or the financial support you offered to me if I couldn't have you. I need you by my side to support me emotionally and mentally in case something goes wrong…" I told Sebastian, squeezing his hands.
"I will be with you no matter what, Evelyn. I'll be there for you and our daughter," Sebastian stated.
"Will you, Sebastian? Even though I have nothing to give you back? They say we love with all our heart, but this heart inside me isn't mine! You said that you burn for me, yet I can't find the right words to describe the wildfire that consumes me from within. It suffocates me, Sebastian, but I've never been happier in my whole life," I exclaimed, trying to describe with words my pent-up emotions.
"Oh, Evelyn, I know. It's the most beautiful pain I've ever felt; it's love…" he whispered and pulled me closer.
Sebastian wrapped his arms around my waist and caressed my back. I straddled him and let my head fall on the crook of his neck. His masculine scent calmed me down.
"I can't deny the sexual attraction I felt for you since the moment we met. I was jealous and mad with all the women you fucked. As much as I tried to distract myself, I just couldn't. And then, in Greece, I fell in love with you," I whispered, pecking his neck softly.
Sebastian took in a deep breath, and I leaned back to look at him. His grey eyes were darker than usual, and he was biting his lower lip.
"I fell in love with that man, and despite everything you made me go through, I couldn't stop loving you. I can't stop burning for you. I was mad with myself because deep down, I knew it was only a matter of time to forgive you. Especially now that you've let down your façade. I love you, all of you, and nothing in this world can stop me from loving you…" I breathed out.
This time it was Sebastian's lips that were on top of mine. His kiss ceased all my thoughts and set my whole body on fire. My lips danced with his in sync, and I moaned when he sucked my lower lip, granting him access to my mouth. His tongue battled with mine for dominance, but in the end, I surrendered to him.
I was panting for air, and I ground my hips against his creating some much-needed friction between our cores. Sebastian trailed kissed across my jawline and neck. I tugged his light brown hair, moaning in delight when he sucked the soft skin behind my ear that made my core tightened in need.
"Stop poking me. I know you want to have sex…" I groaned.
"You're the one grinding on me. And I'm not poking you…"
I frowned and pulled back to gaze at him. He looked at me with a raised eyebrow, trying to figure out what was wrong.
My eyes fell on my belly, where I felt the small hit coming from. It was on the upper part of my baby bump, and obviously, Sebastian couldn't cause that.
"You're not poking me!" I repeated, meeting his eyes once again.
We stared at each other for a few moments before our eyes widened as realization dawned on us. Quickly, we moved our hands and placed them all over my belly, waiting for another movement.
After a few moments, another small kick came from inside me.
"Did you feel that?" Sebastian exclaimed.
My eyes snapped to meet his glistening grey orbs. He was smiling brightly, and his face had a soft expression plastered on.
I nodded softly as a few happy tears rolled down my cheeks.
"The baby just kicked me!" I said in a small voice.
"It's the first time, right?"
"I haven't sensed another movement before," I replied with a small nod.
"This is amazing! You're amazing!" Sebastian said and then kissed me once again.
That night, I trusted Sebastian with my past and confessed to him my feelings.
Without even knowing, that night, I opened Pandora's Box.
My past was connected with his in a way I could have never imagined...