#48 A broken Paradise

It's still unknown to me why love hurts. How an emotion so beautiful and powerful as love can be so painful? It wasn't just because I was hurt by the man I loved like no other in this world. I also saw people around me being heartbroken…
Well, more specifically, Owen was heartbroken…
My soul was aching because of Sebastian, and I was blaming him for the choices I made. He forced me to break up with him. It was the consequences of his actions that we all suffered.
But it wasn't the same with Owen. The red-haired doctor was heartbroken because of me. My actions made Owen miserable, and I could clearly see it now. I saw the pain and the love he felt for me reflecting in his light brown eyes.
I was the one who chose to unconditionally love a man who hurt me so many times.
I was the one I couldn't forgive him nor forget him and move on.
But how could I forgive Sebastian for the millionth time?
How could I forget him when he was my first love?
Owen tried to convince me that he was slightly drunk and out of his mind the night we had that fight. He begged me to forget everything he said and just move on with our lives as this had never happened.
Despite how much I tried to explain my reasons to him, Owen didn't even consider going away. He told me that he had misjudged the friendly affection he felt for me for something more. Owen used Lily and their relationship as his best excuse to convince me to stay.
At last, as selfish as it sounds, I gave in because I was too scared to see another person leave my life. Owen was my best friend, and he was also very special to Lily. I couldn't erase him from our lives that simply…
Another distraction helped me forget that fight, though. Sophie was getting married to Nickolas, and we couldn't think of anything else than their nuptials preparations. Now that we had a wedding to arrange, our video chats became even more regular.
I had promised Sophie to become her maid of honor many years ago. I couldn't back down, and she wouldn't have let me. However, even her wedding wasn't enough for me to go back to New York. Thus, I helped Sophie as much as I could from Greece.
My two friends assumed that I would change my mind and fly to the States for their wedding at the very last moment. Truth be told, I was so close to succumbing that I drove to Mykonos' airport. And that's the furthest I went...
Sebastian was going to be at the wedding, as he was Nickolas' best man. Seeing each other once again would only awaken painful memories, and it wasn't a day of sorrow.
Besides, I couldn't afford to push my luck any further. Sebastian Leclair could have everything he desired, so finding me and forcing me to come back wasn't a problem for him. Thus, I never expected the coldhearted billionaire would have let me go just like that.
Had he really changed this time and chose to stay out of my life?
Had he really decided to respect my wish and leave me be?
Or was I hiding that well, and he couldn't find me?
Well, he could always force Nickolas to tell him. Even though I knew that Nick wouldn't betray me.
Although that didn't stop the youngest Leclair brother from trying to convince me that Sebastian had indeed changed. Nick was lucky enough that we were miles apart because, otherwise, I might have killed him. He made it clear that my baby's father was miserable and very sorry for everything. After some time, though, he stopped talking, and I just assumed Sebastian had moved on.
I was afraid to ask whether he was seeing any other women, though. What if he was dating another woman and forgot me? Sebastian loved sex, and I was sure he couldn't keep it in his pants for so long. It was very selfish of me to hope that he would state single and loyal to me when the only thing I did was break up with him and, according to Nick, break his heart.
After thinking all this, my logic overpowered my heart's commands. I never imagined I'd miss Sophie's wedding, but this was for the best- or at least that's what I told myself...
On the day of the wedding, I was excited and sad at the same time. I was on a video call with my mom all the time during the ceremony, but it wasn't the same as being there…
Thankfully, Nickolas and Sophie came to Mykonos for a few days as part of their honeymoon trip. At least I could see them after their wedding and spend some time with them.
Lily was over the moon to see her uncle and auntie once again. Even though we had daily video calls, my daughter wanted to play with them for real. We usually would fly to Italy, France, or England to meet with my friends or my parents so that we wouldn't raise any suspicions on Sebastian's side.
It felt like a blessing to have Nick and Sophie here with me, in my little Paradise...
We were sitting with Nickolas in the backyard, enjoying the beaming sun glistening above the bright blue waters. The light breeze danced with my hair and left a salty taste on my lips. Sophie was inside, watching with Lily her favorite kid's show while Owen wasn't back from the hospital yet.
"Now I see why you're staying here, and you refuse to come back…" Nickolas whispered as his eyes were fixated on the endless blue sea in front of us.
"Surely, this is a better view than the one I had back in New York," I chuckled.
"So, you're planning to stay here indefinitely?" Nick asked after a few moments of silence.
I averted my eyes from the beautiful scenery in front of me and looked at the man. "I don't know. Lily loves this place, and I cannot imagine my life back," I replied, shrugging slightly.
"Are you happy, Evelyn?"
The solemn look on his face and his stern voice made me frown. He was clearly not joking, and I questioned myself how little he actually knew me…
"How can you ask me something like that, Nick? Of course, I'm happy! How can I not be? Lily is healthy, and she's growing up in a beautiful environment, surrounded by so much love. How can I be ungrateful for everything I have right now?"
Nickolas seemed unfazed by my response, though. "Lily's growing up away from her grandparents, her uncle and aunt. But most importantly, she's growing up without a father. And you, Evelyn. You're not happy because you miss Sebastian badly, even though you will keep refusing it until you die…" Nick hissed.
His words left me speechless. I was used to his long talks about giving Sebastian a chance to explain himself, but not once before he was so bluntly honest about his opinion on the matter.
I thought his words for a while, only to realize they were partially accurate. Lily was already asking about her daddy, and I just told her he was busy working away from us. As for myself, I missed Sebastian so much, but I wasn't sure whether I was ready to forgive him. To be honest, I was terrified of getting hurt once again…
"I miss him, but I can't allow him to hurt me again because that means he will also hurt my daughter in the process. I'd rather love him from afar than going through the same Hell once again, Nickolas…" I replied at last.
"But why are you so stubborn! I've told you so many times that Sebastian has changed. You should have seen him these past few months. He helped us with all the preparations and was there to support me when I was down. You should have heard his speech at the reception, Evelyn."
"Just because his attitude changed, it doesn't mean he loves me nor that he won't repeat the same mistakes in the future, Nick," I sighed.
"But he won't! I know my brother very well, darling. He loves you desperately! That's why he let you be. But I can't stand anymore watching both of you suffer. I want to help you both, Evelyn," Nickolas said in a sincere tone.
"Last time you tried to help, everything was fucked up," I retorted.
I felt sorry the very moment these words left my lips. Nickolas was trying to help us, and I was acting like a spoiled brat. However, he didn't seem to care about my insult.
"I know, and I'm sorry. But please, if you trust me, if our friendship means something to you, then just give my brother a few minutes to explain himself," Nickolas said, giving me a pleading look.
I closed my eyes, trying to ignore him because otherwise, I knew I would give in quite easily. Damn, these brothers would be the death of me…
"I'm afraid to get hurt, Nickolas. I can't stand losing him again…" I replied and bored my tear-filled eyes into his.
"You won't, I promise. Sebastian loves you more than anything in this world. Hell, he hasn't even fucked another woman ever since you left him," Nickolas said either to convince me or to brighten up my spirits.
Well, this was definitely something very unlike Sebastian's behavior. He always had his way with the ladies. So, for him not to have sex with another woman for three years was a rather huge change.
Neither did I have another lover after him. However, I can't say I didn't find some time to pleasure myself. I was a mother, a friend, and an excellent employee, but at the end of the day, I was a woman with needs... This was something my friends shouldn't know, though.
"Why are you smirking?" Nickolas asked since I hadn't replied anything to him.
"I just can't imagine Sebastian like this," I shrugged nonchalantly.
"I don't know what he does during his personal time, but I can assure you he doesn't have sex with another woman…" Nick replied with an eye roll.
At this moment, Sophie chose to walk out holding Lily in her arms. My best friend slapped Nick at the back of his head, and the poor man yelped in a mix of astonishment and pain.
"What the…" But he never finished his sentence since he turned around and saw Sophie and his niece.
"Nickolas Leclair, watch your mouth because our honeymoon will be over sooner than planned," Sophie reprimanded her husband.
Lily looked at the two of them with curious eyes, probably struggling to understand what was wrong.
"Lily, will you give me a kiss?" I asked to ease the tension between us.
My daughter sent me an air kiss and stretched her arms, showing that she wanted to come to me.
Sophie set her down, and the young girl ran to me.
I helped her sit on my lap and stroke her blonde curls lovingly.
"Is uncle bad?" Lily asked, looking between her uncle and me.
I couldn't stop a giggle escaping my lips, and I watched amused Nick's perplexed look. Sophie was biting her lower lips, clearly feeling a bit guilty for what happened. My best friend didn't expect that Lily could understand our mood so well.
"No, sweetie. Your uncle is trying to help me," I told her and pecked her cheek.
"Why is auntie angry with him?" my little one asked again.
Her innocence and sweetness were disarming. Kids were asking the simplest yet the most difficult questions at the same time.
"Your auntie is my best friend, just like you and Elena are. Auntie wants to help me. She wasn't angry. She was worried for us," I tried to explain even though I'm not sure how much Lily understood.
My daughter thought my words for a few moments, and then a bright smile formed on her lips.
"It's good to help. You can all help," Lily then told us, looking at her auntie and uncle.
My friends looked at her speechless, and I showered her with feather-like kisses. Lily burst into laughter and hugged me.
Nickolas then grabbed her from my lap and threw her up into the air. My daughter squealed excitedly and started laughing once again when she landed on Nick's arms safely.
"Again, uncle!" Lily told him, clapping her tiny hands.
"Only if you say how much you love me, little monkey," Nick teased her.
"I love you till the stars!" Lily yelled, and then her uncle twirled her around before throwing her in the air again.
We watched the two of them chasing each other around the green grass in my backyard, and I couldn't stop smiling. Lily seemed so thrilled with all the new games her uncle showed her. And Nickolas was being very patient and kind with her. They had so little time to savor each other's company until the next time we were going to meet again.
"This is your Paradise, Evelyn," Sophie's soft voice reached my ears.
I turned to look at her and watch her gaze shift from Lily and Nickolas to the breathtaking landscape behind them.
"It's an endless blue sea, a bright sun, and many white houses. My Paradise is wherever my daughter's laugh is, Sophie…"
My friend gave me an understanding look and squeezed my hand gently.
"I'm sure you'll make the right decision. However, whichever this is, I'm always going to be by your side," my best friend muttered to me.
I just smiled at her while a few tears blurred my vision. We didn't have to exchange many words to understand each other. A look, a smile, a blink of our eyes was enough for us to communicate. Sophie wanted to see me happy regardless of the way I chose to find my happiness.
My friends left a few days later, leaving me with too many questions and worries. However, I knew no one could help me decide. And I couldn't keep ignoring Sebastian for the rest of my life.
Thus, I gave myself a specific period to think and make up my mind. I had until the end of the summer to decide where I would spend the upcoming winter. I had two more months to see whether I was ready to return back to New York.
I needed some time to myself to think and clear my head. Owen took care of Lily while I went for a walk at the beach.
I paced on the golden sand and let the cool water brush my feet. The sun was setting slowly, painting the sea in deep red and rich orange shades. The rhythmical sound of the waves soothed my disturbing thoughts…
Maybe it was indeed time to go back to the States. I couldn't keep hiding here forever. Nickolas might have been right about Sebastian's change of attitude. I should at least give him a chance to explain himself and meet his daughter. I didn't want Lily to grow up without a father because I was too stubborn to make amends with him.
On the other hand, I had also to think of Owen. If I returned, then there wouldn't be any reason for him to stay by my side all the time. I would have my family and friends to support me, too. Maybe that would allow Owen to meet new people and forget about me.
With these thoughts running in my head, I returned back home. I frowned when I noticed the front door of our house being ajar. I ran inside as a shiver went down my spine, and my heart throbbed uncontrollably.
A scream escaped my lips when I noticed all the mess, the broken things, and the upside-down furniture in my living room.
"Lily!" I whispered breathlessly, and my heart sank in desperation…