Is there still faith?

Giulia De Angelis

The jumbled thoughts leave my steps unsteady as I cross the lobby, the entryway cleared the steps to the elevator, automatic movements lost in a safe place from the haunts that creep around my ankles corrupting all the courage I mustered to get here. Taking a deep breath in front of the double doors, holding the tears in my throat and the weight of the world on my back, I take a breath and the doors open before raising my hand, revealing a beautiful face with a white smile filling the dark gaps in my soul.
With eyes narrowed by the excited expression, revealing small wrinkles in contrast to the deep dark circles without diminishing the beauty so masculine without a beard with the straight hair and the woody perfume filling my lungs like a drug. I'm drawn to it, drawn in slow steps to follow and admire the beauty of the tall man from the back, the well-tailored suit tracing the muscles to his round ass and thick thighs.
whore
Bitch
offered
without honor
The air fades with the words gleaming like a roadside motel sign, I feel my vision blur my heart twisting my mouth going dry and all my sins being stamped right in front of me, wanting a man I don't deserve, wanting to be more than just anyone, wanting to be a wife, to be his wife.
Compromising the lives of two men who did everything to protect and care for a child that was not even their responsibility, giving up getting married or having wives just to take care of me, with this attractive beauty hurting them every day.
I wake up with bright eyes as close as a lifeboat, I wrap my arms around her neck, aware that it is the last time I breathe her scent, keeping in my memory along with the memory of the garden and the flowers. His hands held my wrists pulling us apart making our eyes meet, I realize that I am sitting in the room around it completely clean the large glass table giving way to a small square table displaying our dishes next to a cart with trays, the corners of the room decorated with vases of yellow roses, making guilt corrode my mind as I consider lying, running away, I feel the tears falling without permission.
I hold his hands firmly preventing him from drying the damned ones for fear of losing what little courage I have, the clear confusion on the face that until a moment ago seemed happy, God how can he allow him to be happy to see me?
Giacomo, I cannot let you make the mistake of marrying me.
The words come out forced even though they are so necessary, he pulls his hands away, sitting better on the couch that I finally realized was completely different from the black leather that occupied the place. Without courage, I look away from his eyes placing my hands between my thighs holding a piece of blue fabric, wriggling between my fingers waiting for an answer, praying for some divine forgiveness and he just accepts that it is impossible. And once again I realize that I pray to emptiness.
Bella – The nickname sounds like a prayer, drawing all my attention to my newest sin. - Marrying like you can be anything but a mistake.
I shake my head in disbelief at his words, knowing I need to spell it out for him to understand, to have my heart broken all over again for my mistakes.
You do not understand.
Make me understand.
I look up losing feeling for a few seconds in the darkness of his irises, intoxicated by his beauty, seeking strength in remembering that I cannot condemn an honorable man to marry someone like me.
I turned the body crossing my legs, hugging the body with my arms to have a little support.
I cannot accept marrying you when you deserve someone honorable by your side.
I waited for his reaction but I got nothing, his hand came up holding my face.
Never again say that Giulia is not honorable. - The hard voice contradicted his expression revealing the contained anger.
Giacomo, I am not honorable, I am not a virgin.
The words cut my throat, I lowered my face without being able to remove his hand from my skin, the tears escaping and probably destroying all the work I had to hide the sleepless night.
I panted with his forehead against mine, our breaths crossing as the tension cut through the mood he tried to create for lunch.
I'm not a virgin Bella.
I looked up at the crooked grin on the scoundrel's face, feeling my cheeks burn at the memory of catching the redhead moaning as she brought him to her mouth. I blink quickly trying to get rid of the memory noticing the approach, the look asking permission along with the smile in the corner. Once again I realized I was trapped in the spell of the dark eyes, the affection and the need for consent, the space diminishes with the need to feel the lips again, having the desire fulfilled almost immediately lost inside the bubble that only he is capable of building .
Touching the jewel when lifting my wrist and opening a smile against my lips, the aches in the body being silenced by desire, the affection consuming the confused mind, the brush of the nose against the cheek eliciting a sigh. I lifted my hands cupping his face, caressing the smooth skin and feeling a small scar on his chin admiring its beauty.
The space ended, we kissed again without any delicacy with a fire growing between our bodies, his mouth taking mine with possession I grabbed his hair losing composure feeling the soft strands slipping between my fingers. Strong hands coming down, pulling me by the waist into his lap.
I meant to have lunch first, Bella. His hand brushed my hair to the side exposing my neck, leaving slow kisses against the skin.
I don't want to seduce you, so that you marry me out of obligation.
Ah Bella, marrying you will be for my pleasure and if you accept I'll take you here just to appease the jealousy I'm feeling.
I moved our faces away seeing the anger shining in the eyes, the sincerity, the desire and that myriad of feelings that filled my chest with hope. I push thoughts of my family aside, wishing for the warmth, pleasure and affection you gave me that day.
The words disappear, so I take action feeling in control of something for the first time in my life, I hold on to his shoulders lifting me on the couch to put my leg over his hips sitting on top of his thighs with my legs spread, the erection catching my breath for the sensations so different from what I've always felt, the heat coursing through my body making my breasts sore the butterflies that I imagined were just fairy tales now having a party in my lower abdomen, our intimacies separated by the fabrics.
His hands hold between the nape of the neck and the root of the hair, gently caressing my skin with his fingers, his lips begin to distribute kisses along my neck and reach my neck, tracing a path of calm kisses and then return to my mouth, tilting his head to give you full access. I let my hands roam the exposed skin, the desire flowing through making that ache re-form, I felt the calm, rough touch up her thighs dragging her dress up.
I gasped, needing air with my breasts heaving against the fabric, my body vibrating, I pushed the blazer away, getting frustrated when it moved away, putting it back on the sofa, striding away stopping my heartbeat when it reached the door, I just went back to breathing with the latch sound.
His eyes turned towards me stopping, taking off his blazer, pulling his tie, I am mesmerized by the movements opening each button with an impressive calm stirring my body that I only noticed when the skin was completely exposed and close to the face. The lines going up, marking each muscle worked, I touched the skin looking up, lost in the ink covering the chest, running up the broad shoulders. Men in the organization don't usually have tattoos, it's almost an affront to our laws and here he is in all his glory showing off each one of them without the slightest bit of embarrassment flashing a who-knows-what-I'm-thinking smile, admiring every stroke desperate to absorb the moment and beauty in every part of your body.
I look down dragging my hand over the firm skin finding a line of dark hair getting lost inside the pants, I feel the heat cover my cheeks again, then, once again surprised when he kneels between my legs, lifting the dress with so much delicacy that I even forget their function within the organization. Lost with the affection of the fingers tracing my legs, I throw my back against the sofa in need of support, the hands become firm opening my legs, I feel the fear rise and disappear at the same time that I am scared feeling the touch of the tongue on my intimacy . Embarrassed, I tried to close my legs losing the battle against the steady look when the tongue rotates at the point I cover my mouth with my hands scared by the sound that escapes my throat being presented by the naughty smile once again.
Relax Bella, I'll introduce you to paradise.
I... -gasps,- We.. That
Shiiiiii...don't worry now my love.
The affectionate nickname disarms my defenses, the experienced tongue walks all over again making the pain pleasurable at an indescribable level, I feel the stars so close. I grab the strands of dark hair as I'm invaded and licked at the same time losing control, feeling my legs shaking consumed by the burning desire I don't even know how can exist in such an act.
How does he do it?
How can it be so good?
Don't go far Bella, stay here, eyes in my eyes.
I obey the order seeing the desire that burns my body burning inside his irises, letting out a scream when the finger spins and the tongue hits hard against my intimacy losing track of space and time, being sure it's paradise.
Lifting my face, I notice her wet chin opening her mouth in shame while the bastard takes care of everything, finishing pulling the dress through my arms, opening a huge smile when she realizes that I'm without a bra. Bringing my hand to my chin wiping away the fluids, taking it to my mouth while I open my eyes scared at the same time I realize how much my breasts are sore again I lose my breath with his slow movements opening his belt, pants and showing a white underwear that soon going down showing a huge erection. I look up embarrassed meeting the naughty smile, bending down to put a leg between mine, skin warm against mine, hands holding my neck turning our bodies against the couch.
Trapped in his gaze, she takes her hands to her shoulders, feeling her skin shiver at the touch, shuddering with the moan she lets out. The quick, hard breaths, the crash of our lips and the slow, tight, hot penetration gliding with ease and eliciting a mutual cry as our pelvises collide.
I need to pull our faces away for air, with no time for anything but to feel his lips roam my neck as he slides calmly and forcefully lifting my thighs higher, taking all the time he wants to run his tongue across my nipples making them shiver and almost touch the stars again.
Giulia – I open my eyes panting when I feel myself filled by him. - Accept to be my wife.
Giacomo .. - I feel the emotions beating against the dams.
Let me have a piece of paradise at home when I see you every day my angel.
The sob escapes along with a few tears that insist on kissing and walking the path, returning with a smile plastered on her lips.
You saved me that day.
I feel the voice come out in a whisper mingling with the groan as he slowly withdraws, the memories making sense and the treacherous hope corrupting every decision I made when I woke up. The desire mixing with the sweat running through the valley between my breasts his mouth roaming my neck giving soft kisses and his hands squeezing the hard and aching nipples making my breasts weigh a ton while the pain vibrates through my hips wanting a release that only he can to give.
I'm going to hell for being unable to forget you angel. - His voice sounded hoarse.
And the movement sped up, pulling screams out of both of us, our bodies entering a rhythmic dance, slow and strong building an accelerated pulse, foreheads pressed together and breathing mixed, I lost track of everything flying high towards the stars with the pleasure shuddering our bodies. Emotions cradling the moment and the heat searing our skins, he didn't pull away from me, he just lowered his head, nuzzling my neck.