Katarina Alexander

I tap my foot impatiently inside the elevator sighing at the sight of the chaos established inside the apartment, they say that there is something bad inside every man as a result of the first sin, some are able to hide others if they let themselves be corrupted.
Right now, all I can see is the broken man beneath the demon facade, every piece of broken glass across the room in contrast to the broken soul of my older brother, my shield.
I entered the apartment calmly, ignoring the fear rising up my spine with the look of recognition from Giuseppe walking towards the one who needs me, who needs something to regain consciousness. When I pronounce his name I see the flame igniting the understanding passing through his eyes and deep down the pain corroding every feature of the man.
In so many years, I've always watched each of the three assemble the perfect characters, fulfilling their obligations with honor, serving the organization even if it meant putting their own lives on the line. The words jumped out of my heart for the simple desire to see the real man, underneath the pretense, be loved as he deserves.
I managed to convince him to sit with me on the floor, I admired each of the destroyed photos becoming aware of the complexity of the obsession that Diana spoke of, in each of the portraits a different Giulia, organization parties, moments in the garden or at the window of the De's big mansion angelis. I pulled the huge body towards me forcing him to lay his head in my lap, to smooth his dark hair, ignoring the tense conversation between Theo, Jackson and Giuseppe, the man who did everything to protect an innocent Bianca is the priority.
- I hear you threw out the garbage. - I brought up a different subject
- Who said?
- jack
The waves of anger running through the muscular body full of small cuts caused by the glass, completely hot, heated by hatred, a clear contrast with the painful cold of dawn entering through the balcony without doors. I look up at the men who walk away arguing, oblivious to our moment.
- You try too hard to keep up the appearance of a good family. - I speak calmly remembering with details our father's attitudes.
My childhood memories are always mixed with the scene set up by Giacomo to raise and educate two girls within the organization's obligations, assuming the role of father, the place of the man he should protect. There is a term in psychology, in which scientists study human behavior based on parental relationships, honestly, we are just reflections of our parents.
The evil encrusted like a thick layer of fat in our souls, they came from the factory and the environment only took care of feeding the monsters.
- Some of us need to be fooled by a margarine commercial to have something to fight for. - I'm caught off guard by the harsh comment.
The past spins quickly in thoughts with the man who should have been my father sneaking into my bedroom at dawn, his touches sending shivers across my skin until dawn, that dawn when Giacomo entered the room, blocking his plans, taking my place. With the same strength that I kept those nightmares for years, Salvatore in a few months of marriage was able to wake them up and create new monsters in the middle of my dreams, stealing my peace and what little sanity I had.
- Brother, we don't need this anymore. - I trace the path of his beard calmly trying to comfort the injured man, the broken teenager on his knees at the foot of my bed.
- You don't, but I need something to hold me small.
I feel the sting of tears building at the whispered confession, a declaration of weakness in the midst of the great man. The pain of knowing that he needs to create and idealize a family that never existed to have a reason to stay alive hurts much more than any torture of recent years.
It hurts to remember that he protected me by giving himself over to that monster and even with the certainty of his death, the memories don't go away like that. He was branded, molested and used for Antonio and Donatella's purposes, yet he painted a great plot to endure living with the pain of losing himself within our father's own teachings.
A chameleon with so many personalities that he can't even recognize himself, he doesn't know who he is. I figured with the idea of marriage I could change something, create something within it, but all I can see are the broken pieces. I search for words, with my mouth dry from sadness organizing my thoughts, Jack's revelation when he spoke coldly of Gia's bride being taken by her own brothers, even though the video shows an acceptance something shines within my core accusing it not to be like that.
This is confirmed by the memory of my twin's eyes shining when she saw that name on the organization's list of singles, she knew or imagined it, the worst of all is seeing the manipulation in convincing him to marry Giulia for our interests but it was just the union from useful to pleasant.
Gia's obsession, the broken pieces of our brother and a girl as completely broken as he is. A reason to go against what was taught in initiation, one more reason to break honor I took a deep breath, Diana has a goal, to corrupt our brothers from their beliefs within the famiglia and at no time did she think about the consequences or the pain that can cause them. Set up the board and play the pieces.
I wish I could say that I don't understand, that I don't agree. As the hours passed into the early hours of the morning in the cold apartment because of the broken heater, I watched over the sleep of my wall, weighing each of the consequences, each of the options and all of the pain. That's why when the sun rose, I closed my eyes hugging the scars that still bleed inside my chest. We aren't twins just by looks and even though Diana tries to protect me she can't deny we are halves of the same coin.
Analyzing the gazes of the men who have finally appeared with a few cups of coffee, waking Gia up, I cringe at the tender look on the face of Antonio's trusted soldier.
It's like he doesn't have the words to express what the discovery of my 'no' death means, Giuseppe was always there, but never close enough to understand the horrors of the Costello house, I waved a short smile at him, thanking him for the breakfast and under watchful eyes.
- Gia. - I called
Dark eyes filled with pain and darkness, I knew last night's words had helped him create and make a decision, but that's not just what I want, I need to make sure that revenge is the only drug corrupting our souls. and if that means sacrificing Giulia along the way, so be it. I continued with the certainty of your attention.
- That woman was shaped by two monsters, she knows how to handle the darkness, consume her with yours and bring her to our side.
- What if she chooses them again? - The insecurity in his voice was still there along with the fear of rejection.
I put the coffee on the floor, getting on my knees holding my chin marked by the rough beard, my eyes sunken from the sleepless night, staring at the cage in which the monster hides in yet another dawn.
- Cut the wings of that beautiful angel, Giacomo, remember what I told you in the apartment. - I stopped analyzing the understanding in her eyes. - She doesn't expect a good man, make her love the worst in you, sometimes it hurts to be taken out of comfort, brother.
The glow of certainty shone in the darkness like a clear declaration, the angel of your dreams will soon become a fallen angel, like the rest of us.
I was unable to hide a smile when the cell phone flashed with her message asking to be saved without imagining that the devil always demands something in return.