I prefer the truth of hell to the illusion of paradise.

Diana

I've been taking a deep breath looking at the people sitting inside Giacomo's apartment, a few more minutes and the floor will probably crack under my feet at the naivety of thinking they would do everything as planned. None of the four have said a word since we got here and Jackson has run off with the excuse of finding the man who's been shaking me.
I need to kill and butcher and scream and get all this fury out and maybe that's why they're quiet, fear. The silence of my attitudes, my voice, my fury shuddering at each of the idiots who acted without talking to me.
I walk out onto the fully open porch, because apparently my brother has had a temper tantrum and the tempered glass isn't ready yet. I snap my neck trying to organize my thoughts, Gia about to open her mouth and I turn around raising an eyebrow that closes my mouth at the same time.
I suck in a breath harder than necessary, feeling the pain invading my lungs with the effort, my fingertips numb, I grab the cell phone from the back of my pants connected to the sound system. Music used to be an escape in the past and today it's become the prelude to darkness when I can't go wild with rage or even sex since Dragon is gone.
Exactly two days when they were in the fucking apartment, none of them opened their mouths, none of them said anything about Giulia, Antonella or Giusseppe.
And what's the point?
The bomb exploded and everything turned to my back, I feel regret taking over for the thousandth time that day, for getting up, for getting out of bed.
I walk back to the middle of the room, sitting on the new wooden piece of furniture between the long sofas that take the place of the bookshelves and the big television, analyzing and wondering if sending their heads to fucking Enrico wouldn't be enough to placate all the trouble. hate. But the answer is automatic, nothing can appease my hatred and knowing that Enrico is still alive is a knife stuck in my gut.
I said I didn't feel a thing, but what a big lie, my man is in danger and I need him safe, bloody weakness taking root in my vertebrae, Giacomo with Giulia hidden in Fort George with a child, Theo protecting godfather Giusseppe with his Katarina's help, Hunter in his usual coolness without imagining that I already know part of the reason for the disappearances in recent weeks, each one with their fucking tail stuck and they even brought Antonella.
The counselor's daughter who just turned eighteen, but fucks Gia for two and fucked Jackson for three, and Jackson unknowingly took the girl's virginity went crazy when she found out about my intentions with her. I shake my head in disbelief again, as Gia puts the woman who was in his bed up until a few days under the same roof and the woman he wants to have as a wife, worse at the risk of Jackson blowing his brains out when he finds out about it.
They just want to fuck me, worse than that, the fear of idiots dying completely disappears knowing that they themselves have no idea what they did thinking they were the saviors of desperate and needy women.
- It was right.. - Katarina speaks.
- You're talking so low I imagine you're talking to yourself to try to believe this shit!.
I snort as I finish the screaming sentence leaving them huddled against the sofa, seeing my twin's frightened eyes without feeling any pity this time. I tapped my fingers against my knees in time with the beat echoing through the apartment, searching once more for any solution.
Of all the shit that went through my mind, none of it I could feel the necessary firmness to play, I tried to throw it into the bucket of thoughts about being worried about Dragon, fooling myself by saying that worrying doesn't let me formulate a plan.
Gia's and Hunter's soldiers are out on the streets since Jackson hasn't gone back to fucking Arizona, and once again I'm pretty sure men when they get together don't think. The fucking attack on the De Angelis and the kidnapping of the two girls draws attention inward, the question that must be running through that asshole's mind is "Who of them?"
And that would be great if there was a way to play some unlucky son of a bitch, this shit that torments so the hours started to pass so slowly that everything became a black and white movie. Them getting up to sort out something in the organization, the information coming later Kat and Theo offering a pizza I couldn't even put in my mouth, the afternoon falling through Central Park bringing the cold wind into the apartment along with the shiver slowly building up my spine .
The jumble of thoughts bringing out the worst along with all the fucking possibilities, causing the darkness to take a corner that Dragon managed to shoo away for a few moments. With the viscera getting excited by the known pain when hugging the worst side, I noticed the exact moment when Jackson entered along with Giuseppe, the gazes turned to me as everyone began to resume their places on the couch. The older man decided to get to his feet, I rolled my eyes.
- Vincenzo is with the two bikers. - I felt my breath catch.
The abrupt words caused discomfort, I closed my eyes seeking the necessary self-control.
- Where's Giovanni? - I asked the question defining each step.
- Following a false lead on Giulia out of state. - Jack stopped raising his hands to the thick strands. - What we are going to do needs to be done by noon tomorrow.
- Either way they'll know there was a traitor.
- Let's plant one, just like in Arizona. - Hunter speaks for the first time in hours.
They begin to discuss options amongst themselves with the soldier joining in the conversation as my mind drifts further and further into the darkness, into the deep blue eyes caressing the golden locks falling down my back as their slow kisses spread across exposed skin the aching murmurs escaping through the tied cloth, his fingers tracing silent knots through the bound palms following the doctor's every move to destroy yet another piece of knots. Vincenzo with his twisted love explaining once more about not being worthy enough to have children, worthy to be taken as a wife, worthy only of scraps. The volatile personality offering love, affection and pain expressed in an abstract painting, I close my eyes feeling submerged in the river of blood with small bodies being thrown sinking like stones in the river without depth.
The pain feeds the fury until it hits the surface seeing the river running towards the abyss, looking over my shoulder it was there, in the opposite direction like a small beam of light amidst the darkness reaching out to save me. I saw the pain flashing through the irises, his hurt feelings, face twisted with hurt, disappointment in hurting him he wasn't able to change my plans or my direction.
What Dragon doesn't know is that I don't want to be saved by his light, I let my body sink into the thick liquid, loving having my body bathed in blood swimming towards the abyss, because the small bodies portrayed in the painting don't hurt anymore, the flame of hope illuminating the horizon was never real but the pain was always the true company guiding the strong strokes towards another one of my demons making the pleasure writhe with the taste of revenge spreading through my mouth.
I opened my eyes toasted with the silence and darkness of the night over central park making the monster roar in unholy pleasure with its whispered plans, pulling a full smile from my lips leaving each one of them to shudder at the only certainty, it is not possible to find redemption in hell but lying and rolling with the Devil is something I do with lust.
I lifted my body from the table and walked towards the office with plans drawn up without any doubt or even compassion for the pain that would be caused, just expectation. There is no love without pain and my man will learn the hard way to love every inch of mine.