there is a purgatory of doubts

Giulia Costello
The stalking of a traitor was the most muttered subject among the women at the party, the men attentive on all sides at every moment as if waiting for an ambush. With the risks we didn't have a honeymoon and I didn't even feel the need I just wanted a place, the spacious apartment became empty after I asked my husband if he had killed Vincenzo. It was like pouring gasoline on an explosion, playing a recording on the huge flat screen, making the glow of anger consume every detail of the man who loved me on that couch.
“Is this baby mine?” 🇧🇷 His snarled words were enough to raise the barriers around him, and when he asked about denying it to my brothers I was unable to say anything more than "It's my fault."
Since then, he has just left the apartment for another one a few floors below, denying any visit from Giovanni, leaving only Antonella to appear to have a cinema moment with me. of the trapped man, feeling the smile dying before the memories of the last few weeks, destroyed in just a single day and in a single sentence the man was gone and the demon under the mask appeared.
- You really are an idiot.
- What?
- That's right little sister you're a fucking idiot.
I felt the burning in my eyes with more tears forming, holding back the cries to avoid exhausting my baby.
- I'm sorry Vincenzo, I should have done something.
His mocking laugh filled the small spot raising the hairs on the back of my neck, I felt the chill run down my spine.
- Once upon a time..
- brother save...
- SHUT THE FUCK UP YOU UNHAPPY FUCK.
I swallowed hard at the pain of his words keeping me firmly in place.
- So stupid that you don't understand what rape is, although Giovanni was right to call that nun to teach you at home. Look how pathetic you've become and he preferred you over me.
It took me a while to absorb his spiteful words, Giovanni did what he did to take care of me.
- I should have killed you in that accident.
- Vincenzo… - I cut my thoughts finally remembering the thunder storm and the words whispered by the two.
Realization was a shot in the chest at close range.
- It was my idea, I just convinced our brother, I couldn't stand to see you running around the house while I was the only one enduring his tantrums, molestations and rapes.
I suppressed the scream covering my mouth with my hands, feeling the tears spurting down my unbridled cheeks. The blue eyes opened without showing any shame for having idealized the death of our parents, now I feel the weight of having been blind in the face of their evil.
- Don't act like a saint, you liked Giulia, you liked Giovanni's warm body warming you up at night with the excuse of being afraid, he always protected you, avoided doing to you what he did to me just to preserve his little angel. Maybe he never touched you, but I needed, needed revenge for everything you did to me.
With a trembling chin, I sought strength to respond to the need for truth, destroying forced innocence.
- What did I do that was so bad?
- Don't play dumb, it wasn't enough being our father's protégé, he kept you away to keep you away from Giovanni and forced me to share a room with him. Then Giovanni himself protecting you, creating the illusion in your head that the molestos were normal things without ever taking your fucking virgin pussy. You know Giovanni would never marry anyone, but seeing the desperate look on the man she wanted, begging her to stop the possibility of marriage was the worst. My own sister once again taking everything from me, even his attention and affection.
- Giacomo- I whispered
- You know, Sorella, those dark eyes didn't even flinch between choosing his sister or you, the best part was having him for one night all to myself, completely mine and without having to fulfill my side of the agreement, I made sure to tell our brother that you he wished to give up what was his to another.
- Stop, for the love of Dio stop..
Air doesn't get into my lungs and the scrambled thoughts make everything worse. The sight of Giacomo taking Vincenzo mixed with the pain caused by Giovanni blaming me for something I never did, the invasion hurting the flesh, his punishments each day getting worse, making death a welcome desire and the cause of it in the In front of me, the man that a few hours ago I defended, begging for his life, choosing him over her own husband. His firm order on the night of my eighteenth birthday about taking responsibility for our family, getting pregnant, their anger being so palpable when my little one was born just because she was a girl.
How much longer will the world go on blaming women for their bad choices, chaining us to their archaic expectations, I grew up in the mafia, I was raised to be a demure princess, in love with the future set up for princesses in children's tales with a husband and happily ever after always being synonymous with children. And now, I realize how much I was ripped off and manipulated by both of them.
- Pray that little monster growing up there will be a boy, I don't want a daughter. - I come out of my thoughts, staring at the irises identical to the ones I see reflected in the mirror.- If you're pregnant with another girl, I won't spare you like Giovanni, I don't need another whore at home.
I feel the tears drying up as I lift my body off the ground, his touches on little Anna that day in the office running through my mind like a horror movie clouding my vision, I listen to the sounds without noticing anything around me. The knife on the shelf feels like a shining, calm jewel that draws me toward the man I called my brother, the one I defended and believed I loved because I saw his actions as a reflection of my sins and his way of protecting.
there is no protection
There never was love
And nothing is as painful as realizing that I lived through hell just for your desires, I stick the knife in your cheek feeling something completely different with the blood of my blood pouring through your dirty skin. I feel the touch on my shoulder seeing Gia with a raised eyebrow, I pull the knife turning towards him with bloody hands, the small figure hidden in the darkness taking a step forward showing his eyes as dark as his brother's and a smug smile analyzing every trace of my expressions. Finally understanding your intentions in letting the man live these days, I opened my eyes to the truth.
- Your family is my Giacomo family. - I say firmly, watching the surprise continue. - You have my loyalty Beatrice, make them suffer for everything.
I turn my back going up the wooden stairs, unable to shed a single tear for the deaths, crossing the library I unlock the room towards the living room stopping when I notice Hunter standing against the wall, his eyes roaming my features with attention and a look that never I saw it in my brothers.
- Come here. - He speaks in breath opening his arms.
I run towards him hugging his huge body, gripped by the warm embrace of the man who is always so close.
- They deserve to die.
- I know.
- So what's the problem?
- I wish I had realized that before hurting Gia.
Her fingers curl a lock that is now starting to reach her shoulders.
- My brother needs a reason to want to come home alive Giulia, be it that.
- I will help you
I didn't wait for his answer, I just walked towards the suite, with the need to stick my body under the shower without even taking off my clothes because nothing is able to clean the dirt marked in all these years in my soul.

Giacomo Costello Brothers
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