Chapter Nineteen

[A/N] If you're my follower you probably know this but my computer got a virus... so I put it in bed for a couple days with a blanket and warm porridge and let it stay home from school.



[Sven's POV]



It was just so calm here, I was soaked in the warmth of the sun and my skin felt soft and sensitive against the dust like sand beneath me. It felt like sheets of silk, warm silk, heated by the sun. And it was dark where I was, even though the sun was shining bright the rest of the sky was dark. The contrast was so beautiful I had to just sit there for a moment and take it in.

But I couldn't stay there forever, I wasn't exactly sure why but there appeared to be an unwritten rule that commanded I stay clear of the silken sands. Decreed that I must return to the ferny grasses of the foggy forest that loomed from behind.

It was weird. The forest didn't belong anywhere near the beach. The grass was too green, too healthy and long. But then again everything seemed to be out of place in the forest. Just looking at it confused me.

The beach was strange itself, but in an oddly beautiful way. Not perfect but the pull towards it was so strong that it almost hurt to keep away.

Yet I managed to force myself forward, away into the forest, daring steps leading me through the giant trees that materialized around me. Objects appeared, I thought nothing of it. What I did notice was the odd colors of the branches, the weird boxy shapes, as though they had been painted by an artist looking through a rain coated window. It looked misshapen and out of place.

An animal bounded towards me, something akin to a deer perhaps, yet in place of antlers it had curved horns, like that of a bull.

It flew at me with such speed and such ferocity, even the wind seemed to fling itself out of the way for it to charge through. The dainty animal seemed wild and untamed, angry and lost in a frenzy that I had somehow brought upon it.

I could see each muscle move like a cog turning as it bounded in my direction, straight for me. The sound of hooves hitting the dry leaves was loud in my ears.

I fell backwards and hit the ground hard, my heart hammered in my chest and the wind seemed to remove itself from my lungs.

What did it want? I just froze.

Suddenly I realized just how alone I felt, how cold it was.

I spoiled myself with the sun and sands, I belong in the wild, I knew how to take care of myself and this animal was merely testing me, seeing if I belonged or if the beach had made me week.

How could I fight it when all I really wanted was to return to the beach.

So long I had warned myself to steer clear, that it would make me seem week and prideless. It would ruin me.

Alas it had called for me and I had come. And now I could no longer resent something that tasted so sweet. You cannot miss what you have never known, now I knew it, I could never be without it.

I moved backwards in a quick decision.

The deer stopped. Halted. Stared at me, huffing through its nose, it then turned away.

And then I noticed I was on the sand again, the forest slowly disintegrating before me.

Oh, the sands. It soothed and healed my fear and, the sun, I embraced the warmth it provided.

I felt the arms tighten around my waist.

I blinked, slowly realizing that my eyes were closed.

My mind felt bright and clear, maybe somewhat hazy after such a good long sleep, but quick witted for once.

Such a good sleep, a deep sleep, a warm sleep, a safe sleep. How long had it been since I had felt so protected, so secure in my own skin.

I shuffled and Castus tightened his grip around my waist. My every movement only made him hold me tighter.

I sighed, sitting up slowly, the last thing I needed right now was Castus waking up.

Of course I remembered what I had done, what we had done. It is not something you can so easily forget. It was the first time we had mated since I had left the pack, left and robbed them all.

It was the first time I had a taste of my mate full stop.

Did Castus know what the sleeping pills would do to me? Surely he didn't believe I would manage to sleep through a full moon. It was impossible. Unlike me who had left the pack early Castus had two years more education on me.

I lifted my arms out of his arms and ignored the cold on my naked body.

God, he was so warm. I just wanted to lie back beside him and fall asleep, enjoy the scent in the air, the scent of sex, and the feel of my mates skin pressed against mine.

I pulled away, I couldn't do this.

I couldn't just take him back. I couldn't just accept him, forgive the rejection, the pain and suffering he had made me go through.

It is so easy to forgive, so tempting. The only thing that holds one back is the pride that will be shattered.

It's humiliating to forgive people over and over, it makes you feel week, worthless. I couldn't do it.

I lightly pulled his arm from around me and pressed it back to his side, swinging my legs over the side of the bed I sighed and my eyes swam through the room looking for my clothes. I would shift. I decided.

I got up off the bed slowly, so the lack of weight would not wake my mate up.

I needed to go.

Now.

With silent steps I moved slowly and cautiously towards the door but I hadn't got much further when I heard a growl. A loud dominant growl The sound resounded and filled the room and was easily all I heard, it pierced right through me and I froze in patent anticipation.

"Where are you going." He growled.

I tried not to show any accidental signs of submission, it was hard, it was a natural instinct that needed to be crushed.

"I'm just-"

"Going nowhere."

"I need to-"

"Stay here."

"Castus-"

"Get back here right fuckin' now."

"Cast-"

"Don't make me ask you again Sven, I will throw you over my shoulder if I have to."

I looked at the door and then back at him. I was pretty sure I was faster, I could just shift and run once I got out. I might not know the house but if I found a window I was good.

"Sven!" He growled, like he was reading my thoughts.

But I decided to go for it, yanked at the door knob and leaned forward to run. Only the door was locked and the lock was made out of wiron, something stronger than my arm or the muscles that guided it.

Fuck.

When I looked back at Castus he was smirking at me devilishly.

"I forgot I locked."

I groaned.

"Castus, fuck, please let me out."

Castus shook his head.

"Fuckin' naked? I don't think so, get the fuck back here."

I paused.

Was that it? He only didn't want me to leave because I was naked. That seemed odd to me. Did that mean I was free to leave the premises? I would have just made home in the forests if that was my only option, the forests counted as their land so... I needed to ask him to leave, unfortunately my asking felt like a submission of some sort and I hated the thought of that.

"I have clothes for you." He said, "They'll be here at six I promise you Sven just get back by my side my instincts are going fuckin' crazy! I just want to tie you to the bed right now!"

I knew what he was feeling.

After the mating wolves are expected to remain together for at least the following week or more. If one walks out before that...

Man...

I don't know what happens...

Probably what's happening here right now, a lot of growling and cursing.

I walked towards him slowly, hating how each step made me feel like I'd made it to Aztec gold. Fuck. Even as adamant I was in leaving I couldn't help but admire how handsome he was. Fucking hot was what he was.

Castus had said he believed I didn't see him when he was younger, that I didn't notice him or didn't care, that the bullying somehow stemmed from that.

If I'm honest I did hate Castus for being a bully back then. But I wasn't his only target. He wasn't allowed to attack anyone human physically because they might end up with serious injuries.

I'm not discriminating against humans or anything, that's just how they're built, less sturdy, less powerful. It's more difficult for them to reach the same level of strength as us.

He and the betas often 'pranked' the younger kids though. I wasn't the only one.

In fact I'd often milked whatever his latest attack on me was with other boys at school that had felt the sharper end of his wrath. They would sympathize and we would curse him in the corner of the lunch hall. We called him 'Cactus' when we talked about him 'mother of all pricks'.

When I left it was certainly Castus's first offence on my list. Rejection trumped all. And yet even then I felt drawn to him, even during my years of being bullied by him.

I noted his muscular appearance, some features that I particularly liked. I assumed girls fancied him and that even after all he put us through he would be the first one mated and married, living in a white picket fence house with children at his knee.

I'd never really admired him in a sexual way, now it seemed like it was all I could do.

He was broader now, his muscles more defined, his jaw more powerful. He made me nervous in a way I hate, in a submissive way.

When I was close enough he yanked me into the bed and curled his arm around my side, my cheeks flushed a dark red when I felt his soft cock pressing up against my lower back, his pubic hair tickling me.

I felt a rush of warmth consume me and suddenly I was limp in his arms, I couldn't move, couldn't do anything. Sometimes it's hard to see how much you want one thing when you are constantly concerned about another.

He was home, whether I liked it or not. Genetics or Luna, fate or chance. Castus was home.

I sighed long and hard.

Castus turned my body so I was facing him, he did so easily, because I was light and he was strong.

"Look at me." He commanded.

I looked at him.

"We never finished talking, I never explained everything."

I looked away, tried to move away but his arm around my back held me firmly.

"Castus I can't do it. I can't just forgive you. You have no idea how-... It's been two years Castus."

"I'm not asking you to forgive me, not just yet, I just need to explain it, so you understand me. I know it's been a long time, two years, four months and six days since I brought you home. I know."

"I don't want to do this."

"You can't stop now."

"We may have had sex Castus but it doesn't mean anything to me." I lied through my teeth.

His eyes flashed, darker and more foreboding than before.

"Don't fuckin' lie Sven, it meant just as much to you as it did to me. If it didn't you would have clawed my throat out when I woke up, sure you tried to leave but I'm not surprised. I know it becomes a habit when you've lived like we have. It's instinctive to feel like you need to jet after sex."

"I can still claw your throat out." I grumbled.

He chuckled and the sound buzzed right through me.

There was a long silence where he just pulled me in closer to him and I reveled in the feel of our bodies so close, the warmth and the way time just seemed to disappear. It felt almost magical.

I decided to ask him something that had been on my mind for a while now.

"What happened to Aconite?"

"The old pack was forced to disband soon after you left. We were shocked actually, what you did with all our stuff, just took it, like... We never even suspected you'd have the guts. For ages we thought the girls were in on it too because they never got anything taken. They couldn't keep the boys from taking the girls belongings and I think they began to realize just... just exactly how spoiled they- we were.

"My parents and I were constantly arguing. They- they wanted- they wanted me to go after you..."

I looked up at him, my eyes wide. "They did?" I was shocked, the Merandez's hadn't seemed quite so sensible to me.

"Not... Not in a nice way, don't get your hopes up." He sighed and I wondered what he meant. "They wanted me to go bring you back here..."

"And kill me." I finished for him.

He shook his head and nuzzled my neck in the process.

"They wanted me to lock you up, in a room or a... or a cage or something. They said no one needed to know, it would be just another pack secret. They would say I had found my luna but she was very sick and refused to be in any other company than his. And who would know? You change when you find your mate, you become more assertive, dominant, people started looking up to me and recognizing me as the alpha."

"That was because of your coming of age not your finding a mate."

He shook his head again. "That was a part of it, only a part of it."

"Go on."

"Any way I was going through my second puberty type thing, you know, cause of the coming of age. I was extremely on edge most days and on top of that I had to deal with this fuckin' heat and I was missing you like crazy just going over every other way I could have handled the situation.

"I- I told you that night I... I told you I knew it was going to be you..."

"I know." I said softly.

"Then they started getting pissed at me cause they needed help on pulling everything back together and my father wasn't in as good shape as he once was and he needed me to go with him and I didn't want to.

"I just wanted to be alone most days... Finally we argued to a point that my parents decided they were gonna go find you but without my consent they couldn't bring me back, they would have broken a lot of rules if they did.

"So instead they took me to your little shed type thing, I wasn't convinced, there wasn't any scent and I would have known but... There was that ugly van you drove off in... I was gonna wait until you got back. Take you home with me, claim you, pretend none of this ever happened.

"But they refused to leave, and they were talking, jus' chatting, sayin' how best to keep you hidden, how my bed would have to be made of wiron and the door insulayored. Saying that you didn't need any windows or a TV or none of that, just a joined bathroom.

"I couldn't take it. The prospect of that... that life... secrecy and pain."

I gazed into his eyes, he wasn't looking at me but I was just mesmerized by the pain I saw in them.

"And then I realized. I would never be free. I would never be happy with them.

"I needed to leave but I couldn't leave the pack since I was an alpha so I just kicked everyone else out. They call themselves Apostata now, the ones left, all the girls that stayed were either forced to or adults. They left for Manchester to ask Jacob Brent, the lone alpha, to make their pack one.

"Apparently he accepted because I haven't seen them since."

"Who are these people then?"

"They were rogues when I found them, technically I mean, six of them were pretty feral living in the woods. They lost their alpha in a fight against another pack and wandered around for months searching for another pack to belong to again, some got lost along the way."

"They were just fine uh, kidnapping me like that?"

"They fucking hate me for it. They don't like it one bit. They think I'm evil, I know it, they aren't doing anything about it 'cause they need somewhere to belong, and cause I saved them."

I sighed and laid back in his arms.

"Ask you something?"

I heard him murmur. I nodded as my eyes closed.

"Do I need to lock you up?"

I grunted.

"Answer me."

"We'll see."