Chapter Twenty Eight

His lips were strong and soft and I shuddered as I felt his teeth with my tongue, there was a fire racing through my mouth, my heart, and my brain and it burned away at the constant chatter. Suddenly, just for that short while, it was quiet, all I could think was I wanted more because the kiss felt like fresh air, like I'd been lying in a casket for a decade and pulled myself up through the soil of my own hardened grave.

I was exhilarated.

I didn't question it. I wanted it so I went for it.

Looking back maybe the reason I was so desperate to get away from him, far but not too far, was because I knew what would end up happening if I stayed with him too long.

Even after, when I finally managed to pull away from the basic instinct that begged for me to continue, I didn't regret it, couldn't.

It was like in that second I forgot all the points we scored against each other, my fears, my fear of him, my utter crippling fear of rejection. I forgot the reasons why and why not, the shame and the embarrassment, the anger and the guilt.

All of it went away, dissolved, and I was happy.

Castus just loomed over me, watching me as I wiped my lips my cheeks burning. The shame was returning and I was beating myself up for doing what I'd done.

I'd let him win.

His eyes were dark I could see the swirling vibrant blue and it made me nervous because I knew it meant desire.

I could see the bulge in his pants, it looked painful and I almost wanted to snicker.

My own heavy breathing made me too aware of what I'd instigated and I looked away, turning my head and scratching my neck.

When I turned back he was looking down at me with this feral look in his eyes and I jumped a little when I saw the fangs.

"Stop," I put a hand against his chest.

He growled like I've never heard him growl before, it wasn't him reprimanding me it was something else but for once I couldn't understand it and I wasn't willing to search for a part of me that would.

It felt like the room shook, hell it felt like the whole world was shaking, but I was even more shocked to see that it was me.

My hand was on his chest shaking like a leaf in the breeze.

When he spoke his voice was low and gravelly, he sounded animalistic though his fangs never appeared to impede his speech.

"Why are you doing this Sven?"

"Castus?" I looked up, not understanding and shaken.

"Do you-" He clenched his jaw and swallowed, "Do you even know what you do to me half the time? It's like you do it on purpose and then you look me in the eye and tell me to stay the fuck away."

"D-do what?" A nagging voice scolded me for stuttering but I wasn't listening.

"You turned your neck, brushed your hair out of the way, your fuckin' cheeks are red and lips all- god- you smell so good- fuck." I could see him inhaling.

I was shocked. Had I done that? Had I just offered myself up on a plate without realizing it?

My face was worse than red, might have just discovered a new colour.

"I can't stand it, you're running but it's like you're begging for me to chase you. I'm fucking confused because I know you should be attracted to me but- I know you are- but then maybe you don't because who could be so happy running from their mate... I can't stand the damn mixed signals."

I inhaled, "S-s..." I couldn't apologise. I turned away.

I jumped a little as I felt his face buried in my neck breathing in. His mouth against my skin felt so good, a warm rush of pleasure reaching my toes.

"God, stop," I breathed.

"Can't."

"Stop," My command was soft.

He growled, a soft growl this time, more like a purr.

"You smell so fucking good."

I said nothing, I was tense.

"I'm not going to do anything, I just, I just want to be close."

I was having trouble breathing.

He growled again softly as he pressed his mouth against my neck again and as a result I could feel his razor sharp fangs teasing me as he licked a line up to my ear.

I gasped.

He groaned. "I should get you a turtleneck."

I smiled.

"Or maybe like a hijab."

I snorted.

Castus in turn laughed as well.

And in no time at all the happenings forgotten, I accepted the warmth of his weight as we lay there in peals of laughter till my stomach hurt and we couldn't remember what we were laughing about or whether it was even all that funny.

He sighed.

"I wish I could tie you to my hip, get an extra large belt and share."

I snickered, "If I pulled my trousers down yours would come off too."

"Is that supposed to be a bad thing?" He grinned.

I blushed.

He lay down beside me, our legs were still entwined and I didn't push away not just because I couldn't muster the energy to but also because I wasn't willing to pop the warm little bubble of comfort we'd stepped into, a cease fire.

"God, if I could just carry you in my backpack everywhere, that'd be nice."

I sighed. "You can't."

"I want to."

"No you don't."

"No you're right, I can think of something much better."

I looked over at him and just seeing that happy dazed face made my head hurt.

"Tell me."

"You'll run."

"I'm going to anyway."

He snorted, "You won't get nowhere."

"I will."

"You can try."

"Tell me."

"Tell you what?" He played dumb.

"What's better then carrying me around in your backpack?"

He snickered, "Carrying you around on my cock."

I don't think I could have disguised that sharp intake of breath if I'd a fan blowing in my face.

"You squirming impaled on my cock and begging for more as I go about my daily, just casually filling out those pretranscription forms at my desk with you in my lap for always and ever stuffed to the brim with my cock..."

I felt like maybe this was a fantasy he'd been pondering over for a while because it felt like a repeat but I could hear the thick desire in his voice and the sheer volume of it made me stiff as a wiron bar and it was only getting harder.

His erection was visible again and bulging painfully against his jeans.

To my humiliation his eyes scoped my body and pinpointed my awkwardly obvious erection.

"Your hands occupied, jacking your own cock as you ride me head back hips forward moaning so the whole world can hear, fuck, you're- you're f- fangs embedded in my neck, m-m-marking me."

I could tell that last part was more so private then the rest of it, I knew he was taught, brought up to be the perfect example of a domineering alpha wolf that followed in his fathers footsteps so admitting that he wanted me to mark him (which for humans might be hard to understand) must have been considerably difficult.

Marking has always been sort of assumed as the male wolf's way of marking the female as his mate, warding off other male's that might come her way by showing proof of the strong bond that lay between them.

But it never had anything to do with the gender I suppose, all presumptions about the sexes are blurred and confused when sexuality comes into it.

Castus took a deep breath and got up, his erection clearly not going anywhere he seemed ready to forget it existed.

I sighed.

"You can't wear me."

"No," He agreed.

"You can't put me in your back pack."

"No."

"You can't carry me around with you."

There was a short pause.

"I can try." His voice was gruff.

"And fail, you'll be out hunting soon and where will I be?"

He turned and looked at me oddly, "With me of course."

I sat up and stared at him.

"I thought you said I couldn't leave?"

"Unless I allowed it, I-... hunting with your mate is one of the most important bonding activities you can do, I'd never pass up hunting with you, not even if I think you- think you might run away."

I was speechless.

"I mean-" He gulped, there was something akin to sadness in his eyes. "Don't you want to?"

I shook my head and that darkness in his eyes turn completely black, like a light had been turned off.

"I see," His voice was monotone.

"No, I mean of course I want to go hunting I've been itching for the wild for ages, I just..."

Don't want to make the bond any stronger.

I gasped, did he say that? Because his lips didn't move.

I stared at him shocked. "No."

"No what." His eyes looked dead.

What the fuck was going on here.

He hates me.

My head throbbed and then my throat felt like it was dry, felt swollen like there was a stone lodged in the middle. I gulped and saw his throat move as mine did.

...-should leave-... ...-give him-... ...-space-...

His voice was quieter now but I could still make out what he was saying, or... My eyes widened, what he was thinking, feeling.

I grabbed his hand before he turned to go.

There was a sharp electric pain in my heart that felt I was drowning and I had to inhale deeply to make it go away.

"Stop," I gasped, "Let me finish."

"Then finish already," He said through gritted teeth.

"I just didn't know you'd let me."

"Let you?" He glared at me. "God Sven if you want to go hunting you can, any time, you've only to fucking ask me, but oh no you wont to that because asking is too submissive for you isn't it."

I glared at him.

"Shit, sorry, I'm going to my office, you can come... if you want to, my mom will be here on Wednesday so if you want to stay in the west building when she comes that's um- understandable."

He was leaving me? As somehow I knew he would.

When the door closed behind him I felt a little hollow. There was a part of me, a little spark inside me that offered comfort and that I never dared to touch because I was sure it was the reason I could hear what he was thinking when I did.

I shook my head and laid back in the couch hoping for anyone, just anyone, to keep me company.