Chapter Twenty

Waiting should have been hell in Castus's arms. But I never moved. God I couldn't describe how good it felt to be held by my mate after so long. No one will understand that. We are not boyfriends, not picked, we are mates, it's not just based on emotion, the need for my mate is embedded way deeper under my skin than a surgeon could go.

I tried so hard to pull back any shred of dignity. When he pulled his hand up to ruffle my hair and and thread his fingers through it I would pull away from him and shake his hand of my hair.

I'd done it twice and I could tell just from the tense atmosphere in the room that he was getting pissed.

Considering he was a dominant alpha wolf I was surprised he even had enough restraint not to pounce on me right there. Not that I wanted that. Because I didn't want that. But I'm just pointing out that it's always that way with alpha's that they have some sort of infinite pool of pride and since he was a dominant alpha and I was submissive, my show of 'dominance' must be raising his hackles at least a little bit.

One arm moved and slung itself around my stomach. I tried to ignore the butterflies his touch gave me. Tried to ignore the way he was pressing up against me from behind. Fuck it was hard... I mean it was hard to igno... Shit I didn't mean he was... Never mind.

His arm was warm around my naked chest, the air was cold, so it was allowed to stay.

Then his other hand flew back up to my hair.

I pushed him backwards and moved further off to the side of the bed. I then realized just how pressed up on his side I was. That's fucking embarrassing. He was nearly on the edge of the bed now and I had all the space on my side, it looked like I had been snuggle-shoving all night, maybe I had?

Castus finally snapped and his growling was loud in my ears, "Sven don't fucking pull away from me you have no idea what it does to me!"

I jumped a little to feel his hand on the back of my neck rearing my head towards him as he pulled me in closer.

I resisted but couldn't help but look into his eyes. Fuck. Fuck the way he was looking at me made me want to blow him and run away from him.

The glare in his eyes gave me the shivers, the dark, the way a misty blue swept from the sides. I was doing everything I could to make sure I didn't just bare my neck to him.

You look your alpha mate in the eyes while he's growling, while you're under his control, while he's exerting his dominance over you and trust me, really trust me, you would bare your neck in submission and accept whatever he gives you next.

As a submissive wolf, I should have, I really should have just let him sink his fangs into me right there. I didn't. Because I'm not fucking stupid, because I learnt a lot on my own and one of them was to never present yourself as even somewhat submissive because it only leaves the opening for others to take advantage of you.

I would not be some subservient little prat.

No matter what I naturally wanted, what felt right, safe, comfortable to do. I was going to go by logic rather than unstable emotion.

I was clinging like a maniac onto the last shred of my pride.

I was not weak. I was not submissive.

His fangs peaked through as the growling lifted up a notch and the strength of his grip on me increased. The growling was so fucking loud, to others maybe it was not, to me it was all I could hear, all I could focus on. There was a tension, my whole body alert and tense, my stomach clenched, as though I were anticipating a hit of some sort. Physically, I was retreating.

I knew what he wanted. I would not. "I will not submit." I said through my teeth.

A fire lit in Castus's eyes but before the flame could be acknowledged it was gone. I did my best to understand it before I managed to convince myself that it never existed at all.

Then there was a knock on the door and his grip on me immediately subsided.



***



I was a bit disappointed to see that I would have to wear new clothes but in the end my old clothes weren't much to hang onto. I'd had to take my clothes down to the washers on St Jerome's street on 3rd every time I needed my clothes cleaned so I'd sort of assumed that it would only take about forty minutes. The problem is when your washing in loads and separating colors and shit it takes way longer.

I briefly wondered who did the washing around here. He hadn't mentioned who did it, only that they weren't ready yet.

In any case I was secretly loving my new clothes. While I played it off with a placid look on my face I just loved them.

They weren't brand shit or any of that. I couldn't appreciate anything like that even if I tried. It was a set of light blue jeans that clung quite nicely to my narrow hips. Along with that was a dark brown belt, a part of dark blue sneakers and night blue t-shirt.

He even got me a coat. When he got all this was beyond me. When could he have had the time? How long had we slept?

The boy who brought the clothes told me he would hang the coat on the coat hook by the door and that it would be there when I needed it. I nodded, making absolute sure the relief didn't show on my face.

Did the coat mean Castus was giving me a sign that at some point it would be okay for me to leave?

I sat there at the breakfast table with my mind in the clouds.

Castus had told me that his hunters were back from Hillayes and since they would be back to guard me he would be leaving to assist his front men who were apparently in Nuvoc discussing a deal with Patrick's pack. I never asked but he told me anyway.

The hunters were the ones who came to retrieve me from my home so I could recognize a couple faces here and there.

It was earie how calm they were about this situation. Hadn't Castus told me they were pissed that he took me? They appeared way too relaxed around me for that to be true.

"What's your name then?" A dark haired man asked as he sat down opposite me with a plate of scrambled eggs and sausages and a can of ginger beer.

"Sven." I said without thinking. Which was strange. It had been a long time since I had called myself anything other than 'Stiles'. Fuck it was Castus getting into my head again.

"Nice, I'm Denis Umanov, beta, the guy cooking is Zakhar Bykov, pack reno, and the other guy sitting next to me is Adam Franko, also beta and brother to our old alpha."

I nodded as my eyes scanned passed every person in the room.

It made sense that he would mention that Adam was his former alphas brother, he would naturally want the second in blood to take charge and he would want me to know that he was a man of authority here.

Both Adam and Denis appeared the strongest physically of the group. With muscles bulging and hard jaw lines they made a pretty intimidating pair. And although Adam seemed mostly friendly I could see the dark glint in his eyes that presented him as someone who, if crossed, could become a particularly formidable enemy.

He had yet to speak, but his soft features gave me the impression that he liked to present himself as a rabbit before crushed the neck of the opposing wolf.

Both of them made me a little nervous.

As a rule I didn't like being around other men that were stronger than me. It had been ingrained in me to automatically judge them as a threat.

"How do you like it here?" Adam asked politely. He had finished his food and Zakhar came along to collect the neatly cleaned plate.

I wasn't sure how to answer the question so I just shrugged nervously with a small, "It's nice."

"Have you been shown the grounds?"

I shook my head. Wondering whether the grounds meant the rooms, the building in general, or their garden.

"How are you liking the people?"

I tensed. Goddamn it felt like I was at a job interview here, what the fuck.

"They're nice."

"You are Castus's beloved."

I ground my teeth and mumbled a quick response.

"I see you have yet to be marked."

Fuck, was this guy on Castus's side? Fuck, probably, he's the brother of an alpha he probably knows what's up.

"Yep." I replied. Not wanting to go into it despite how my mind refused to focus on anything but the flashback of Castus pulling away, holding back from marking me.

That was something I never wanted to remember again, all I could remember was the pain I'd felt at seeing, or rather thinking, that Castus did not want to mark me. In my faded state I'd thought he was rejecting me a second time. Remembering it I felt humiliated.

"However you carry his scent."

My face went up in flames and I looked away. "Right."

"Were his fangs to blunt for the deed?"

My face was about to burn a city down as I looked at Denis for some kind of assistance. Denis appeared to be watching the scene with quiet interest, I could tell he wanted to hear the answers too.

However being the nice guy that he was he caught onto my look and stood up for me.

"Now, Adam, I'm sure that's personal, the alpha wouldn't want you asking such questions."

He grunted and headed out back to the kitchen.

Well fuck that was intense.

"Sorry," Denis chuckled, "He's always a bit blunt like that."

I just nodded.

Me and Denis continued to talk for a while until he had finished his food and Zakhar had come to sit down beside us.

They both appeared to be perfectly civil which was surprising in contrast to what I'd expected of anyone who would follow under Castus's leadership. But they were nice and I liked being around them just talking.

With Zakhar, nicknamed Zack for short, the conversation flowed a lot more freely since I was a bit of a loner and had no real social skills all of my replies were short and dead end leaving no more branches to hang onto. But those silences were filled by Zack's constant chatter.

As I sat and talked with them I tried not to focus on the building tension in my stomach. Somehow I was increasingly convinced that something bad was going to happen, or something big. Either way I didn't like it.

"Shall we move to the pool room?" He asked.

Denis nodded, apparently answering for me and signaled for me to follow him.

I would have to tuck my anxiety back a couple steps behind me. Good friends were hard to find, especially ones willing to hold the heavy end of the conversation for you. I wasn't yet willing to give up these.