Chapter Twenty Three

You know the worst thing was the fact that the bigger part of me was practically okay with just going along with my punishment.

I wanted to stop feeling so shit.

I hated the feeling of guilt sneaking up on me, pressuring me. It made it easier for me to see his side and I didn't ask to see it. I didn't need to understand him or sympathize with him.

However then logic would call me back from my safe hovel, it argued, Castus had done me wrong too and what had he got for it?

So because he's a dominant he gets to say sorry and move on and because I'm submissive I get punished? I mean, I'm not submissive but- it's not fair, fuck that.

"No." It was a firm no, a never going to submit no.

Castus got up, and this uneasy feeling in my stomach arose, akin to a parental fear. Like I had washed my teddy bear with conditioner and now I was going to get hell for it.

I backed up.

He moved forward, he walked slow as he watched me, his eyes never leaving me. It was clear as day that he had no doubt I could not get away, his confidence shone through his blistering glare.

I moved to the side, my elbow knocked on the nightstand to the left of the bed as I pulled myself off, I tried to be fast but I felt nervousness creeping up on me, making me clumsy.

"You do not want me to chase you Sven."

"You think I'm just going to bend over and take it because you're a fucking alpha? You're so wrong you were born in topsy turvy land. I may have... submissive vibes but that doesn't give you the right to treat me like a child- or your mate- because I'm not having shit to do with you. The moment you started yelling at me while I was sobbing on the floor, that was when I stopped having anything to do with your name! You can piss right off if you think I'm about to jump in your lap just because I'm in your little pack cove... or because we slept together. You don't get to kidnap me and then treat it like we're happily married!"

My rambling did not distract him, in fact all the while he was slowly moving forwards, as though I was chatting away to distract myself. I was slowly feeling more and more crowded, like a cornered cat.

All my sensors were going off. It was like the walls of the room were closing in on me. My mind was suddenly mapping out all the lines of escape I could attempt to run for but logic called me back to the surface and reprimanded me for even thinking that would be successful.

I wanted to make another run for it but if I ran now I'd only be on his lap that much quicker. Technically the only way out was past him, and it was unlikely I'd make it.

"Stop!" I yelled. "I'll escape! I'll go home!"

His eyes widened a little, then narrowed. "You might think you've got one foot in your old life but with me now, you're done for, you're mine and you're never going back to the hovel you lived in, this is your home now."

"You don't get to say what my home is!"

"I am your home." And I hated him for saying that because I knew it was the truth.

"Fuck you!"

He reached for me. "Stop!" I yelled louder.

He practically towered over me, times like these, when he exuded such raw energy, such power. Times like these when his eyes were dark with the pleasure of pursuit. That was when everything about him could be absolutely converted into something sexual.

Worst time to notice his ripped muscles and the way his black tank top showed everything I needed to see. Yep, worst time to admire the broad hunched shoulders and the thick muscly thighs.

And then I ran for it, and that consisted of me clambering onto the bed, awkwardly jumping off it and running for the door.

Before I could celebrate the fact that I had gotten past him I felt his hands close in from behind and my entire body went and slammed up against the door. I hissed. But through the slight pain all I was really thinking was the fact that I had noticed his warmth before his skin came in contact to mine.

And then suddenly my entire body was being wedged against the door and his entire body was right behind me.

His knees were digging into the back of mine, his crotch pressed up against my ass and his chest completely covering my back. My hands were held by his firm grip, I knew I was definitely not going anywhere anytime soon. I shivered.

"You're mine, you won't be leaving me, ever. And even if I did let you go what do you think a boy like Zack could do for you?! You need a man. You need to be protected, provided for-"

"I can provide for my fucking self!"

"Cut the shit Sven, that's not what this is about! We all know you can, you're a big boy you can go fuck off into some happy land somewhere and fuck all the twinks in the world but you don't want that! Try to deny it all you want but Luna paired you with me and that makes you mine.

"I see your hate every time I look you in the eyes, I know you're still hurt, and each time I think maybe I was mistaken, maybe the rejection only worked when you said it. Maybe you where the only one who meant it. I have to remember that the way I feel about you is the same way you feel about me!

"I can see how much you've changed since the short time you've been here. You were suffering out there on your own." I tried to cut him off but he sensed it. "Don't you fuckin' dare, you were not doing fine.

"You can act like you don't need me, don't want me all you like but I can see the desire in your eyes when you look me up and down, and I'll burn the world down before I see you look at another man like that!"

I tried desperately to think of some snarky response but nothing came to move my tongue. All bite was gone and maybe that was because his words really did hold some level of truth to them.

"Zack will pay for thinking I would allow him to lay his hands on you." I felt his breath on his neck. "I could have went in there and ripped his throat out right on the spot when Adam told me."

His hands started snaking their way against my skin and once again I was reminded of the fact that he was fully clothed while I was buck naked. His hands were so warm and this fuzzy feeling enveloped me as he pressed his knuckles into my back, massaging me.

"Don't." His hands stilled and I mentally slapped myself for regretting my choice of words right away. "I mean, don't. Don't do anything to Zack."

He snorted, "Yeah, that'll happen. Hey look, that's the alphas boy, let's go fuck him 'cause apparently the alpha doesn't give a shit!"

God the door was so cold. "He's freaking out enough as it is and we didn't do anything, God just leave him alone!" I yelled.

His smirk was to be felt against my neck, he inhaled and I shivered.

"This is one of those times I'm glad we spent all that money on getting the soundproof rooms."

His crotch and upper thigh rubbed against me. Even against the door I was finding myself growing hard. Even against the cold. Shit.

"Castus!"

He inhaled again.

"Leave him Castus."

"I'm going to beat him myself."

"Fuck, please." The mere image of poor little Zack at a red-skinned beast like Castus was making me grow increasingly nervous. Because somehow after all of that I'd never stopped to really consider Zack's punishment in this all. "Don't punish him."

"Depends hmmm."

I gritted my teeth, "Depends on what."

"Tell me what happened."

I bit my lower lip. "And you won't punish him."

"Maybe."

So that meant tell him nothing happened or that it was all my fault and I really wasn't feeling very self-sacrificing at the moment.

I sighed, "He was making food or cookies or whatever it was and I was standing there with him, we talked a little, he's really nice to talk to, not asking me questions about you all the time and..." Okay suicide here I come. "I though he was really hot so I just... so I kissed him."

I felt him grow tense behind me, then absolutely still, and then within seconds I was flung around to meet him chest to chest.

"Tell me that to my face," He growled.

I looked up at him. I hate that sexy face but I couldn't look away.

And then I froze because I knew there was no fucking was I could lie to him while looking him right in the eyes like that. I was fucking done for. All that raw power settled in his gaze could have knocked me unconscious.

"How many lashes should he be getting? Hmmm?"

Shit. "I did it!" I half yelled. "I kissed the fucker!"

He smirked, because even I knew just how obviously unbelievably unconvincing my measly attempt at a lie had been. Even though technically I wasn't even lying.

"I'm not lying. We were just looking each other in the eyes and, we were really really close, really near and then when Adam and whats-his-face came in we just accidentally knocked heads but that was all! Not Zacks fault, not mine!"

"You were about to kiss anyway, that's what Adam told me."

"And how the hell would he know?!"

"Zack."

"That measly rat, I don't know why I'm even sticking up for him! Maybe lashes will knock some guts into the man."

"It's more likely to knock them out, and boy, never man, just a boy." His voice was low and there was a dangerous undertone to it that I didn't want to explore.

His possessiveness lay in odd places. Like he was trying to convince me that anyone that wasn't him was less masculine, less male.

"Castus come on. He was just feeling lonely."

"And what about you." He prodded my chest. "Were you?"

I shook a little. "No! I was just, he was-"

"Consider your words carefully right now Sven, I am feeling extremely volatile. I would take an almost absurd amount of pleasure in just heading back down there and kicking the shit out of him."

It made me so uncomfortable to think that the only one who had been really nice to me yet in this house was now about to get lashed because of me.

Zack hadn't done anything wrong he was simply drawn into the same spell of loneliness that I was. I could see it in his eyes, recognize it, he was like me.

Maybe he had been rejected, maybe it was something more. But I knew that what had happened there in the kitchen had not been his fault.

"Fine." I decided. "I will take my punishment."

The weird thing was that Castus didn't move an inch, didn't say a word, but his eyes went pitch black in a second, slowly narrowing in on me. His gaze focused on me and his hold felt a little looser.

"On the premise that Zack doesn't get a punishment!"

He rolled his eyes and chuckled. "You'll be getting your punishment either way so hows that supposed to convince me."

He sounded cocky and I hated cocky.

"I know what you really want out of this." He stared at me. "You want me to submit, take the punishment willingly. I can do that, if you promise not to punish Zack." Although technically it would still make me unwilling but shit I'm too tired to continue this anyway.

"So what if you struggle, at least I can punish that sniveling little twerp."

"I will fucking leave, Castus."

He snorted, "Wolves enjoy the chase."

I glared at him. "At least lower it!"

"He will get only fifty."

"Ten." I haggled.

He snorted, "Forty."

"Ten!"

"Thirty."

"No! Ten!"

"Fifty."

"You're going back up!"

He chuckled and got real close so I could feel the rough fabric of his jeans against my bare skin. I really didn't need to be reminded but there we go.

"Twenty-five or I take you and I'll be done with this."

I glared at him.

"Twenty."

"No."

"Yes."

"No."

I glared up at him, he just smirked evilly back. For whatever reason he was intent on really teaching Zack a lesson and I was intent on keeping him from doing so.

Dammit.

Slowly I fell to the floor and on my knees so my face was crotch level. I looked up at him and he stared right back, but the heat in his eyes was almost physically fuckable. I literally could have sliced through the sex in the atmosphere.

I know he liked me in this position, whether or not it was because it symbolized submission to him or an incoming blow job he was permeating the air with a thick release of pheromones that were making me extremely, extremely dizzy, aroused, and oddly exhilarated.

"I can struggle or I can submit."

He took a long drawn breath as he looked down at me on my knees.

"Fine," He gave in. "He'll get twenty. Now get on the bed," He commanded.

Okay, time for heroics is over. Now I'm regretting this. I hesitated and his eyes grew dark. This is absolute bullshit. Absolute bullshit. I should totally just smash through that window and run away.

"I will get a paddle if you don't-"

"I'm going!"