Chapter Twenty Six

All warm, all cosy, dry leaves at my side as the sun glares down on us and the forest is a pallet of bold colour. I am hot but the warm fur under my chin feels good, feels safe by his side, nothing can hurt me out here, why do I worry so? There is no blood on my paws, no ache in my teeth, no itch in my fur. I am safe with him, he guards me, guides me, loves me.


My eyes inched open as the morning sun glared through the white cross stitch patterned curtains, the room was a paragon of heaven with light bounding off the walls and the odd occasional shadow casting patterns along the floor.

I closed my eyes willing for sleep to claim me once again because I was desperate to meet that same glorious slumber I had been encased in.

The covers were warm but the air sightly chilly which only furthered my resolve to never leave the bed, ever.

I didn't want to move an inch, my body was being efficiently heated by the warm muscular lump of soft appealing flesh I was curled around, my leg was tangled in his and my arm was being crushed to fine powder under the weight of Castus.

Even better my cock which was mostly motivated by the morning rush of blood was at half mast comfortably nestled between his cheeks and by cheeks I'm hoping you know what set I'm talking about.

The silent burn on my cheeks was still awake and it could occasionally almost be mistaken as a stimulant of sorts because it certainly wasn't making my cock any softer.

I was softly rocking back and forth trying to get some friction when I finally came to my senses and that only happened because Castus woke up and yelped like a rat had bitten his toe and flew off the bed so fast he ended up flumping with a hilarious flailing of arms onto the carpet.

Obviously, and despite the situation, I couldn't help laughing and once I had started I couldn't stop. Nice way to wake up.

"Shut it," He growled, his face was red.

I was immediately silenced but couldn't help the snickering that followed.

"W-why were you doing that! What where you-" He stuttered as he sat back on the bed.

"I'm a man too."

"Fuck, you can be a fucking man without having your cock in my-" He inhaled sharply.

Oh hello, now that's interesting.

I started chuckling again.

"Goddammit Sven I'm so close to taking you over my knee!"

Not even that threat could dissuade my giggles, in fact it did the opposite. I was laughing so hard spit was flying.

"SVEN." He said it loudly, he didn't shout, but the caps represents the force behind the words.

It's like for that split second that follows my name was spinning around my head and it was all I could hear.

Not like being hypnotised I don't think, more like it was loud but in a different way to volume, it drowned everything else out.

Needless to say I shut up.

"Why are you laughing like Santa got stuck in the Christmas tree?!"

I just bit my tongue, still on the verge of hysterical maniacal laughter.

"Talk," He ordered and an order spoken like that in my drowsy state was hard to ignore.

"Your cock is hard," I spat straight out, because he compelled me to, embarrassed at my own blunt reply.

He looked down and I could see a slight flush in his cheeks as he raised a hand to cover himself and move it into a less available position.

I couldn't help blushing though, it was only a semi but its size was impressive and that alone was a turn on, the fact that he knew how to use it had nothing to do with anything.

He wagged a finger at me, "This isn't because of you," He growled.

I grinned because I knew he was lying, it wasn't a matter of hearing heartbeats or telepathy or anything as far-fetched as that, I just knew. Whether or not it genuinely was me it was apparent that he believed it was my fault.

It's weird really because in a way you don't even notice your noticing as anything odd. It was like seeing colour to me, natural.

Castus ran off to the shower and I followed suit after he was done.

Somehow we did not notice the change, Castus did not question my lack of rebellion and I pretended that I was not in a house that I could not leave, in a relationship that I could not leave, I was in a position that made me a bitch of sorts and ignoring it was the only way I could keep the grin on my face.

Even though my only impermanent solution was ignoring the problem it genuinely eased the tension between us. Odd because you never notice what is there until it's gone and sometimes that's a good thing.

The monster in the room was gone, and for the moment it was almost believable that we were just, well, friends, human friends with an eye for each other, something simple like that.

Sometimes I wonder whether if I was born in the wrong body, like, maybe I should have been a human? Maybe there's a human out there that should have been me?

Like Roy! Or maybe not, Roy would have fit the box for submission but he wasn't close to checking the box on female.

Maybe no matter who it was in my shoes they would have had to suffer, and maybe Luna just wanted someone who could take it?

Fuck it, since when do I believe in Luna, the bitchiest Goddess that never existed.

What kind of asshole God would plan out our entire lives in a way that excludes practically all freedom? Where's the fun in that?

When we were done showering Castus lead me downstairs, he put his hand on the lower part of my back as he lead me out the door and I tried to shrug him off, better to keep the illusion alive that there was nothing serious between us, but Castus wasn't so easy to move and the hand returned like a Frisbee every time.

So he followed me down stairs and to the kitchen and the threat of his tender ministrations kept me at jogging pace.

Most of the pack were gathered around the table and there was a lot of friendly family noise. They would sometimes switch easily between Russian and English and it was confusing but the language was nice to listen to.

I flushed when I saw Zack rushing in and out with plates of fried egg and dallying out fried bacon strips and refreshing waters like an adorable little waiter.

At the table were both Adam and Denis and Denis was the first to notice my arrival before the others. Right away his eyes were on me, there was an anger in them, maybe, or maybe it was a warning.

They bowed their heads respectfully as Castus walked in, he was their alpha, then they turned to me and did the same and I flushed.

It was cruel, the pride I felt when they bowed to me, like I'd achieved something. I was not their alpha, not their Lunis ([A/N] Used to call it 'Lunus' in the past and I'll correct that eventually.), I was nothing to them.

Adam looked up and joined Denis in eyeing me as I sat wearily down at the table.

Zack popped up from behind with a plate of three eggs, already flocked with bacon and uncooked sliced tomato. He blushed as he handed it to me, it felt like maybe this was the contract for a peace treaty between us, or a bribe.

"Thanks," I murmured.

"You're welcome." He smiled at me, his hand on my shoulder, and for a moment I just enjoyed the closeness.

When I turned back the entire table had their eyes on me and Denis was looking right past me at Zack with a stare that no doubt freaked the poor thing out because it only took him a second to disappear.

I tried to ignore the staring away as I started munching hungrily on the food in front of me, eventually people stopped and got back to finishing break fast. Denis passed around the orange juice to those who wanted it and spilled it on the table, Zack rushed back to clean it up.

It occurred to me that perhaps Zack had ADHD? (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder)

Perhaps his way of taking care of people, constantly and insistently finding ways to make you more comfortable or more satisfied, maybe that was his way of always keeping himself moving, not shaking or landed with trapped energy.

Unfortunately there was one pair of eyes that did not let up, not after five minutes and not after ten, I turned to face Castus.

His eyes were dark and contemplative.

"What," I mumbled.

"Don't." Was all he said in reply before he turned back to his food.

I bit my lip. "Don't what," I said despite having a pretty good idea of what he was trying to say.

"Don't push it."

The people at the table continued with their conversations but I could tell they were listening, that or they were trying not to and failing miserably.

"I'm not doing anything."

There was a low growl and while no one stopped talking the room did seem to quieten down.

"After what happened last night you dare push it with me again?"

I flushed, horrified that he would mention it, I felt humiliated at the idea that the rest of the pack hear about it, or even worse the punishment I'd received for it.

It was odd, I didn't know them that well, they'd helped kidnap me and that was roughly it, not really a bonding activity.

And yet I felt some maternal instinct towards them, I didn't want to let them down but I knew I couldn't stay, too much blood under the carpet, too many memories that would require repressing.

"I didn't do anything," I grit my teeth.

"Keep away from Zack."

"He just gave me breakfast."

"I mean it Sven, keep away from him or last night will happen again, I'm not the only one at this table that wants you two to keep your distance from each other."

At this point I was bright red, no use in hiding it, the others were listening.

It felt like we were a couple with marital problems awkwardly oversharing to uncomfortable guests in some 80's comedy.

Eventually the attention was off of us, mostly because I didn't reply and Zack never reappeared from the kitchen, or wherever he had wandered off to.

The conversation resumed around us and continued even as the food was finished. Borya and Demyan took the opportunity to discuss the pack issues with Castus, the boring nature of the conversation took me off guard for a while until I heard the word mother and hunt.

I turned my head sharply. "What's happening?"

Castus took the offered jug of water from a girl, Fedor, and refilled my glass.

"My mother will be here within a couple days."

I stared at him wide eyed.

He cringed. "I know."

"You're still in contact with her?"

"She is the only one I'm in contact with, she cared for me, well maybe the word 'care' is a bit strong but she was there when I was frolicking about panicking over your absence and what it meant. It was something akin to a mental breakdown.

"She wants to check up on me, I just want to appease her and see her off again."

"Right, the woman who wanted you to lock me up. Well she's going to be so happy when she sees me, bet she'll be so proud her son has finally followed her advice.

"Well, maybe my cage isn't as filthy and small as she'd like it to be but it's a start!" I said enthusiastically and with so much sarcasm I was pretty sure it was taking a physical form and creating a puddle on the floor.

A manifestation of my own cynicism.

His return expression was an awkward one.

"She doesn't know what I've done."

"You didn't tell her?"

I was pretty stunned to be honest, felt like something he would brag about, maybe.

"I didn't plan," He gestured around, "This."

I raised a brow.

The table around us started emptying out right away and I got the idea that maybe Castus had talked to them using the pack line because wordlessly they all started following each other into the games room.

"Look, when I found you I was thinking..."

"Yes?"

"I was just thinking maybe I could, uh, show up and save you or something, buy you a fridge or a car or something, just go slow, try to uh..."

His face was red as I started laughing. Buy me a fridge? Oh Prince Charming, the romance is too much for me.

"It was stupid, I know! But fuck it you went and slept with that slug on and it wasn't even the full moon, there were no distractions for me and I could fucking see you riding that bitch... I mean... kidnapping you was not on my To Do list... it just happened."

"'It just happened' could be used to describe a whole lot of circumstances huh."

It was odd though, how endearing it was knowing that he had initially wanted to rush in like a fairy tale prince. Ha, by buying me a fridge.

"So... you're not telling her?"

"I fucking just, I have a lot to make up to you, I just... I just don't want her to..."

I gestured for him to hurry up.

"Scare you away."

I got up. "For starters, yes, you have a lot to make up for, and as good as your intentions are nothing you do now will erase what happened then. Rejection is one thing, humiliation another, and one scars so deep, so proud, it can never be undone.

"Secondly, I will not get scared away by your stupid cunt of a mother. It's beyond me why you would want that cultist bitch in your life but if you don't want her to come don't use me as an excuse."

I put my plate on the counter and walked towards the door. "We aren't anything anyway."

Before I could even look up his figure had slammed me against the wall and rattled every bone in my body. Adrenaline rushed to my brain and a sort of fuzzy excitement consumed me.

His eyes were black as he cornered me, and I, reacting like trapped prey, froze, eyes wide, I would berate myself later.

"I will find a way to fix this." His words held so much force that it made it almost painful to try not to believe them, even worse was that I really wanted to, fuck I wanted to.

"But make no mistake, even when I am not at your side, even when I am not in you, tasting you, claiming you, you still belong to me.

"You are mine, every hour, every second of your life. And that won't change. Not now. Not ever."

A wall inside me broke and tears came tumbling out, words with promise, without intent, honest words, they felt so good.

God, it was going to take a lot of bricks to rebuild what he had destroyed.