Chapter Thirty One

[Castus' POV]



The food was boring and nostalgic, everything was just OK maybe a little dry and a little bland, back when I was younger her food was always like this, every meal could have been the same as the last one. For starters this was because she liked to only have to buy very specific ingredients and always be able to use them up but also my dad was extremely picky about what his food contained.

If my mother made something my dad didn't like my father had this spiel he would do. First he'd take a bite and cough and make a face, looking at me with an expression as though we were both disgusted he could continue to take small bites and gag, he crunched extra loudly just to make it as obvious as possible he hated her food.

My mother never said anything, I think her emotions died a long time ago, all this anger and resentment isn't real I don't think. She doesn't hate Zack, she doesn't even hate Sven, she's just venting all her darkness on them.

When I see her like that it pains me, it hurts because I know her smile, she used to smile and play with me like a normal boy. A part of me hates her, but I miss her as well, the her that died so long ago. I have no hope that she will return, whatever my father wanted her to be she has become, a shell where a tortoise once lived and cried.

Sven had managed to escape somewhere, Zack was still in his room on Denis' orders, I'm not sure what's going on between them.

I wasn't in any mood to chase Sven down, he didn't deserve to have to sit next to my mother and watch her bare her fangs.

When Sven first faced my mother after such a long time I'd have expected him to be the one fuming, instead he held almost no regard for what she said. He was calm and completely withdrawn, as though he didn't care at all, which was crazy considering who she was and what she said.

Still, I could see the need to get away from her.

The others just sat around the table and ate in a sullen silence that naturally enveloped any room my mother walked in. They sat expressionless and chewed and chewed, taking their time with the meal, as though maybe it was hard to swallow.

I know my pack doesn't like her, obviously they've never said anything to or around me but it's not a hard thing to figure out.

They'd met Emyln once before, it was the first time I saw my mother in a while since I abandoned the pack. My desperation to be loved lead me to romanticize my memories of her and when I finally got through and invited her over I was, in a way, deluded with expectation.

Of course my mother being my mother she came and spat on all the good intention thrown her way, crushing me internally and offending anything that moved and breathed.

It was weird because in a way after I found Sven and brought him back I realized how raw I'd felt, how sensitive I'd been to everything, how dramatic. All my emotion ended up being invested in Sven and my illusions about my mother, which had persevered despite her venom, eventually faded.

I had no more illusions about my mother, I'm not sure I feel anything for her anymore, in fact, I just wanted her to leave.

My mother constantly looked up at me as though she had noticed my lack of emotion towards her. Nothing she did angered me or humiliated me, now her little gimmicks got her very little attention because all I felt was irritation.

Now that I've seen her again I was really able to fully appreciate how silent that hyperactive emotional bubble in my brain had become.

I felt a little like psycho watching her wondering if there was any easy way to make her go away, my own mother.

All those emotions gone, maybe I should have been elated? But all I felt was maybe a little bit numb, no feelings of awe.

I tried to focus on scheming her return home but my mind kept wandering to Sven, was he planning on staying in his room all week just to avoid her?

"-and he's great at what he does, trained under his father, he's a real man," My mother went on, something about their alpha, maybe it was directed at me but she just didn't stop talking and I couldn't help zoning out.

"I'd better check up on Sven." I got up, taking my plate to the sink.

She got up and grabbed the plate from me just as I was about to put it down and put it down herself.

"I'll do it," She said.

I raised a brow at her, again I saw a strange expression on her face (panic?) before she continued.

"Clearly we need to talk if you're going to be... living together," She pursed her lips and her eyes screwed together like two arseholes as she squinted at me.

"If you try to get him away from me it won't work, we've fucked already," I said carelessly, "and he's mine. I'm not letting him get away a second time."

Her glare could have burned down London all over again.

"I'm not trying anything," She turned her nose up at me as though she was insulted at the mere insinuation that she should try anything funny.

"What do you want to say?"

"I will say..."

"Yes..." I urged her on, almost smiling at her hesitancy.

My mother wasn't nice, she didn't know how to play nice, this must be really difficult for her.

"I don't answer to you," She snapped.

I narrowed my eyes. "You do if you want to talk to my mate."

"I don't need your permission, I'm your mother."

"And I'm the alpha here," I said, purposely allowing some force speak into my words. "The people on my land obey me, and even as my mother, on my land you will obey me, especially when it comes to my beloved."

"'You're beloved'," She quoted me with a sneer.

"Yes," I replied, no hesitancy in my voice only absolute resolution. "My love, my world, my mate, my perfect rebellious little wolf. All mine." I had to hold myself back from snarling the last sentence from the possessiveness welling up inside me.

She regarded me with guarded eyes.

"I only wish to attempt to get along with him."

I stared at her, I could never tell if she was telling the truth, I should, but I never could.

"What, in all honesty, do you want from him Emlyn."

Her head snapped up, "I am not Emlyn to you! I am mother!"

I didn't bother refuting the statement.

"And I will talk to him now."

I looked down at her for a while, it really was strange to look down on my mother like that.

"Fine, you know his scent?"

She screwed her nose up, "Yes."

I'm giving you ten minutes to say something cheesy and then it's my turn to talk to him.

She nodded, clearly dissatisfied.

I followed her down the hall till she spun around.

"You can't listen in," She hissed.

I folded my arms. "And why would that be?"

She glowered at me, "I want to speak to him alone."

We glared at each other for a while.

"Fine," I gave in, and shrugged.

Sven wasn't the type to back down, he wouldn't be hurt if she said anything, hopefully. Sven is like the antidote to her venom.

Scratched my neck, an image flitted through my mind, my veins a sickly red pulsing, Sven pushing the others away as he deposits the antidote... in my neck... with his fangs.

I felt a shift in my pants.

My skin felt hot, I wasn't going to bother finishing the meal everyone had already deposited their food in the waste bin and cleared off. So I made my way to the library in progress and sat down in one of the chairs.

I tried to clear my mind, tried to think of something else but those images kept coming back, each one more fiery than the last. I was in hell. Just thinking of him made me need him. I just wanted to fuck his cute plump ass as he squealed and begged for more, sinking his fangs in my neck. That was the way every one of my dreams ended, his fangs ripping through my neck.

Why did my wolf want that? I am the dominant wolf, I can never allow something like that, an alpha does not get claimed by their mate.

I closed my eyes and inhaled a cold gulp of air.

Do you need me, Sven, like I need you?