A way to be free

Aurelia

The water was so cold. It circled around me, forcing me to change back to my human form. Greif and pain, my soul was filled with it. Saira’s face flashed before me, the promise I made to her left broken. My mind was swirling like the black water around me. When I crested the surface; the air brought no relief.

I was hauled out of the water, barely aware of my body banging against the side of the ship with each tug. I didn’t care who greeted me. I didnt care where I was. My failure was all consuming. I cried aloud, great sobs escaping me as I curled into myself.

I registered that I was being picked up but I didn’t open my eyes to see who it was. I cried into the shirt that was so soft and smelled of wine and sea. The arms were strong and steady as I was carried to whatever dungeon they had waiting for me. Caged again.

I expected a hard cold ground; soft and warm sheets greeted me instead. I opened my eyes enough to take in the surroundings that were blurred from my tears. I curled back into myself and louder, agonized sobs poured from me. I knew someone was talking to me with a soft, deep voice. I couldn’t focus on it enough to know what was said.

All I knew was that I failed. I lost control. I wasn’t worthy.

The soft bed shifted as a new weight was added to it. The strong arms that carried me from the deck wrapped around me once more and cradled me to his chest. Galorian. My body started to warm as he held while the sun moved across the sky, while I cried all the pain that flooded my heart.

I don’t know why I couldn’t stop the tears from taking over. Every insecure thought, every fear and doubt leaked out of me. I watched the moon move across the wall of windows and felt myself slowly begin to calm. My eyes cleared of tears and I was able to take in the surroundings. The familiar wall of books and a small fire place came into view. My eyes trailed across the room to the small table and desk.

I knew where I was, but I didn’t care. The captain didn’t change the fact that Saira had been taken. I knew my aunt had her, knew that she had won. There was nothing more I could do. Trying to get her back would put her in more danger. Perhaps it was time for me to give everything up. He could take me away to a place where no one could find me, expect of me again.

I must have fallen asleep because I woke to the sun shining. I was alone in the bed now and there was a heavy blanket covering my still naked body. Without moving I listened for any noise in the room. There was the crackling of a fire and wind as it rushed against the windows. Beyond that I could hear the waves as they crashed against the sides. No breathing aside from my own.

I sat up and looked for something to cover myself with. There were none of my clothes in here and I was sure that the captain didn’t wear womans fashions. I distant part of me was angry that no clothing had been left out for me, especially on a ship filled with only men. I stalked over to the wardrobe and yanked the doors open. It was filled with shirts that were way to big and to long for me.

I grabbed one anyways and found it hard not to take in the scent of wine and sea breeze as I pulled it down over my body. The shirt went down to my knees and the sleeves hung over my hands. I had to roll them up to my elbows and I grabbed a belt and tied it around my waste. One look at the extra boots and I knew there was no way I would even be able to walk in them.

I walked over to a window that was slightly left open. The sounds of the waves were constant and comforting. Every direction I looked in, I saw water only. No sign of land anywhere. I wondered if I was locked in here or if I would be free to roam the ship as I saw fit. I was surprised that the door was not locked and that it opened into an empty hall.

No guards? I walked to the next door, the one that would open onto the main deck. Warm sunlight kissed my skin as I walked through the threshold. My flesh drank it in, as if it was warming the ice that had filled my heart. I closed my eyes and let it burn into me. When I opened them again, I looked at the men at work.

They didn’t look at me directly but I could see some of them were staring at me from the corners of their eyes. Some showed fear, some anger and in a small few I could see a kind of reverence. There was two men shouting orders on either side of the deck, two men were scrubbing the floors, others moved casks and boxes then secured them against the rail.

I walked to the rail closest to me and peered over. The water was a mx of blue, black and white. I stood there watching them, counting them as images flooded my mind's eye of what I had done to my city.

“I’m glad to see that you have finally woken, my lady.” Galorian’s familiar voice filled my ears. It seemed to warm me in a way...

“Why am I here?” Was all I could manage to ask.

“When I saw the beast flying over the skies of the city, I had no knowledge that it was my lady Nihola. But that’s not your true name, is it?”

“Why did you shoot me down?’” I asked instead of answering his question.

“It's been years since any one has seen a dragon, especially one of your size.” He said with a shrug of his shoulders. “I wanted you for my collection.”

“Why do I roam free then? Shouldn’t I be caged with your collection?” I dripped as much venom into that word as was possible. “Captain Galorian, the great pirate collector.”

He looked down on me with a shimmer in his eyes. I had been rude, meant to be rude, but he just looked on me with... a savage amusement. “I won't tie you down, unless you ask me to, but I will never, ever cage you.” His eyes were fire and I believed him.

I hadn't realized how much I feared that he would lock me away until he told me it would never happen. “Thank you.” Was all I could say and it came out quiet, a wonder that he could even hear it.

He began to walk back up the stairs he had come down and said to me, “come see the second most beautiful thing in the world.”

“What's the first?” I asked him as we walked up the stairs.

“I'll show you later.”

I frowned at the annoyance of not having the answer to his little riddle. What could be more beautiful than the open ocean and the sun warming our skin? I reminded myself that he was a pirate and it was more than likely a box of treasure.

He walked up behind a massive wheel made of black wood. It wasn’t pained like the rest of the ship and I wondered at where it came from. The ship was as I remembered it. With its mostly dark blue sides and red rails. The gold embellishments glimmered in the sunlight. The sails were made out of a material that was a black as night.

Around us in every direction, there were no signs of land. How far had we gone in the hours that I cried through? What happened to the city I failed? Did it still burn? How many had died because of me? “Where are we going?” I asked needing something else to think about.

“Anywhere you want to go.” He said as if it was the simplest and obvious answer.

What should I say? Where did I want to go? The burning city flashed through my mind, what was left to return to? What I had done...

The house had to be destroyed. There was no way that anyone survived. The house had been burned and broken while I raged out of control. I killed... I killed my mother. Her injuries held her to the bed furthest from the door. A door that was closed, keeping them in. *Them*.

Kairios was near me when I lost control. They shouted at me, I remembered their voices, not what they said. Maybe I didn’t want to remember. I failed, failed him.

“Take me some where no one knows who I am.”

“As you wish.”

“Just like that?”

“That's what being free means.” I kept my eyes on the ocean, not wanting him to see how those words affected me. Truly free... was that what I was now?

I didn’t say anything else while we stood on that upper deck. I made a mental note to one day know all the correct terms. Galorian stood by his massive wheel mostly, only stepping away to look over a map and talk with his first mate. Mana stood on the deck as well but said nothing and only watched me. I could feel every move I made reflected in his watchful eyes.

After a long time of staring out at the ocean, thinking over everything that had happened in the last few days. When I finally looked back at the men behind me, I caught Galorian’s eye. I really looked at him now. Every time I had seen him, I had taken in his clothing and the items in his hair, of where he had that feather tied to, today it hung from a braid in his hair.

His eyes were so dark that they seemed almost black. I looked at them harder and saw that they were a deep, rich brown. Above them were the thickest eyes brows that I had ever seen. Below his eyes were strong cheek bones and a square jaw. His skin was kissed by the sunlight that he spent every day in. And his lips... they were a shade of pink that sung to my soul.

He raised his hand to me, I silent beckon to come stand beside him. I hesitated while I held his stare. What was that look he gave me? A silent question roamed beneath them. If I went to him then that would seal my choice to stay with him and sail the world. I wanted to see how big it really was, see it as a free woman. It was time to be who I wanted. Not what others wanted me to be.

The first step was the hardest. After I took it, there was a sparkle in his eyes that drew me closer without hesitation. His hand remained out for me to take, but I walked past it. Instead, I placed my hands on his chest and watched as his eyes widened. He chest was mostly bare. The white shirt was unbuttoned down to his belly button, the sleeves rolled up to his elbows and a wide brimmed hat atop his head.

His skin warmed me through. My frozen heart gave a shudder at the reminder of the heat. I rested my cheek between my hands and listened to his heart beat. It picked up the pace slightly as his arms came to wrap around me.

“I will not be owned, never again.”

“I will ensure it.”