45

James looked at her like he had gotten bit by his favorite puppy. The look on his face was of pure shock.
"Despite of knowing that, you stayed with me?" he could not stop himself from asking the question.
Kara smiled, "I did.  I crossed all the limits and morals and went far and beyond to accept you. You know why?" he stayed silent to her question but she continued without waiting, "You taught me lust, and love, and betrayal and heartbreak. And you taught me how to break a person to the point of no return. You taught me that a man will be hurt the most if his most prized possession is the one who hurts him and I WANTED THAT. I wanted YOU to want me, to crave me desperately." her last words were as a angry shout when she looked into his eyes without flinching, seeing growing anger in his eyes, "I fucking wanted you to remember me when I left you on your fucking wedding day, James."
Her last words made him look at her blankly. His eyes were shaky and for the first time in his life, he felt extreme panic. She was planning to leave him. The fear he always had was true. She was going to leave him. Her words made him lose the last bit of control that he had over himself, and in two long strides he was crossing the distance between them and covering her with his huge frame. His eyes were a blazing shade of red that wanted to burn her alive, but weirdly enough, Kara knew he would never hurt her. Seeing him in so much rage today gave him some kind of satisfaction. A peace that she had been craving for years.
"You are not serious right now. You were not going to leave me, Kara." his words were said as a statement rather than a question. There was an urgency and desperation in his voice. She had expected anger, rage, and accusation from hi, but not this.
"Do you think I can joke with you right now? When you have me clutched to yourself tight to death?" she tried to jerk his hold off of her arms but he held her even more close to himself, his eyes glaring down at her her furiously, "You can not!"
Kara smiled up at him mockingly, "Why not?"
"Because you loved me! You loved being with me, in my bed. You can not fake your whole damn life. You gave yourself to me, your body, your love, everything. You gave your everything to me just to see how hurt I will be when you leave me? Are you seriously expecting me to believe this?"
She jerked herself out of his hold again, and this time, he left her abruptly. Her anger flared on her face, "You did believe that I had slept with Damon behind your back so why can't I do this as well? You accused me of so many things, you spouted everything that came to your mind, you did not think about what words you were saying, you just said whatever you wanted." Kara bit her lips to stop herself from crying, she did not even know why she was being so emotional over someone who did not even deserve them. 
She thought he was going to shout on her or hurt her, but he surprised her by suddenly cupping her face in his palms, and his words confused her even more, "I said all that shit in anger. Forget it, okay? Forget it all. Kara, just tell me. Tell me you were not going to leave me."
"No, I was not." her breathed a sigh in relief but before he could feel happy, she started speaking again, "Not until the day you completely left me. The day I realized that your whole plan was to just make me so desperate for you that I don't become attached to anyone else, and then leave me on my own. All of the hopes I had that you will change one day seeing how much I loved you drowned that day when you did not feel that I was more important for you than the fucking business your father wanted you to handle. How could I trust you after that day? How could I fucking expect that you would ever love me without having any other intentions? I wanted to see you hurt like I was three years ago, the same amount of agony that you made me go through but after what happened today, I know I was right. I can never expect from you to accept me completely. You were still playing with me even after I retured three years later. You were jealous thinking Damon had ruined everything you planned and had taken me to his bed behind your back?"
"SHUT UP! Just shut the fuck up!" he shouted furiously in her face while grabbing her shoulders in a harsh grip, "You don't know what you are talking about. Let's stop talking about Damon. I did something stupid, I accused you because I was angry. Just forget that. And I can explain to you about everything else, just give me a chance, alright?"
"I can't! I can't go on pretending anymore, James. I can not pretend that I can live happily with a person who had nothing but ulterior motives of deceiving me in his mind my whole fucking life. I can not pretend anymore that even when you were in love with me, the thought of hurting me, the thought of leaving me did not hurt you at all. I thought I could change you. I knew I was playing with fire, but I was so damn much in love with you. I thought you will give up your bad intentions and be with me. But even after I returned, the thought of winning over Damon never left your mind. That's why I accepted you and did not say anything but thought that you will get karma, you will get your punishment when I leave you. But then..." Kara looked into his eyes deeply. She was expecting to see something that she had never seen. Maybe she was wishing in vain. She hesitated when she looked into his eyes again, 
"And then you did everything for me. All those good things. Taking care of me, pampering me, not letting me get scared again, holding me close to yourself and giving me everything in the world. You did all those things that you would never do for even the last human being on the earth. You made everything special for me. And once again believing you like the fucking fool I am I started to doubt my plan of leaving you. I thought I would confront you about all of this. I thought I can make you believe in our love and give up every other desire. I thought that after I had returned and seeing all that love for me in your eyes, you would become mine completely. You will forget all those stupid games, jealousy, everything else that did not let you come to me. But even now you are still the same that you were three years ago. I don't even know what to expect from you anymore. What else has left between us? The last thing that is left is for you to kill me with your own hands because everything else you have already done to me without having any mercy."
"I can't!" James spat out the words in desperation and anger, "I can't kill you. I can't lose you. God fucking damn it, when you said you will be with me, that means you WILL BE WITH ME! Damn with everything else. I just want you!"