Chapter 42 A Note Saying Goodbye

Last night could have possibly been the longest night of my miserable life. For one, I had to stop myself from calling or messaging Trinity so many times. I know that Vic would have taken her phone away and changed her phone number. That saddened my heart to such an ache for I know that breaks any further connection between us.
What else had me going with madness through my mind, is that today I will take her away from this. I know that it is a rather rash decision and yes that it will change our lives. Vic will never stop to look for her and well, when he finds me, he will fucking kill me. But I am confident and excited to make this step.
I hope that she is too.
I have planned every last thing. Nothing can go wrong.
So after pacing the kitchen for what has been for the past two hours, I am ready to pack what is needed into my car and make my way to pick up Trinity. With each bag that I take to the car, I seem to be bringing one back. I am hesitating. I cannot hesitate. The plan is set. I have it all in place. All we need is to get there.
Get there. I am fucking kidnapping a woman.
Well, I am not kidnapping her if she says yes. She is perhaps one of the biggest Mafia Boss s daughter, but I am not kidnapping her.
Ya, I am playing with fire, and god, I am getting burned.
But this is a fire that I want to burn me to absolute torture. This is the only way that Trinity and I will be together. I have come to a place, where I have grown to love a woman that I will do absolutely anything for her.
And this, this is it for us. This is the only way that we can love each other.
I have planned every last thing. Nothing can go wrong.
So after another ten minutes of convincing myself that it is the right thing to do, I give my home a once the last look and step out the front door, leaving a life behind me.
The drive through town is endlessly painful, it seems that every car has decided to get its way through here. I am traveling too slow, too slow giving me the time to have second thoughts about my decision. But as soon as I drive into the suburbs, my heart starts beating that skip faster.
With only one corner to go, I take a deep breath and hold it in firmly. "Breathe Colton. Breathe. You can do this."
And…
I turn that corner…
But…
Trinity is not here…
Maybe she is just a little late. Maybe her new detail was not so easy to slip. Maybe…
No, there are no maybes.
But what if she changed her mind. What if Vic caught onto her plan. What if…
No, there are no what-ifs.
I push every hesitation and every scenario that will make this not happen to the back of my head and go stop under the very tree where we had our second kiss. I remember it was the day that I hurt her and told her that we can never be together. Was this perhaps the wrong place to choose for us to meet?
So as I pull up, I turn off the car and get outside.
I am so fucking nervous.
She needs to come and she needs to come before Vic or any of his new detail spot me here. What is taking her so goddamn long?
I have planned every last thing. Nothing can go wrong.
Then just as I am about to get into the car again, I see something stuck between two branches of the tree. As I oddly study it for a second, it appears to me to be a note. And as I open it up to see what is in it, it appears to be Trinity s handwriting.
So I get back into the car and slowly pull the piece of paper open.
Ya, I fucking break into pieces.
"Sorry Colton, but I cannot do it."
Yet that is not all of it…
"Dear Colton,
This is a note to give you the courage to spend your life without me. Think of it as a note of goodbye, yet my life s advice.
It's a strange thing to realize and accept. It's just one of those things you ignore.
Life does not always go how we plan.
The days tick by, and you just expect they will keep on coming. Until the unexpected happens. I always imagined myself growing old, wrinkled, and grey, most likely caused by the beautiful family I planned on building with the love of my life. I want that so bad it hurts. I wanted that with you so bad that it hurts
That's the thing about life; It is fragile, precious, and unpredictable, and each day is a gift, not a given right.
I don't want to go. I love my life. I am happy; I owe that to my loved ones. But the control is out of my hands.
Life does not always go how we plan.
I haven't started this note because that I fear something. Yes, running away and starting over is scary and it makes me worry. But I just want people to stop worrying so much about the small, meaningless stresses in life and try to remember that we all have the same fate after it all, so do what you can to make your time feel worthy and great, minus the bullshit.
I have dropped lots of my thoughts below as I have had a lot of time to ponder life last night. Of course, it's the middle of the night when these random things pop in my head most!
Those times you are whinging about a ridiculous thing, something I have noticed so much these past few months, not with you but with Alexa, just think about someone who is really facing a problem. Be grateful for your minor issue and get over it. It's okay to acknowledge that something is annoying but try not to carry on about it and negatively affect other people's days.
Once you do that, get out there and take a big breath of that fresh air deep in your lungs; look at how blue the sky is and how green the trees are; It is so beautiful. Think how lucky you are to be able to do just that – breathe.
You might have got caught in bad traffic today or had a bad sleep because today kept you awake. Let all that shit go. I swear you will not be thinking of those things. It is all SO insignificant when you look at life as a whole.
Life does not always go as you plan.
I hear people complaining about how terrible work is or about how hard it is to exercise – Be grateful you are physically able to. Work and exercise may seem like such trivial things until your body doesn't allow you to do either of them. Do not give up on your body just because I am no longer there to push you on.
I tried to live a healthy life; in fact, that was probably my major passion. Appreciate your good health and functioning body, even if it isn't your ideal size. Look after it and embrace how amazing it is. How amazing you are.
Life does not always go as you plan.
Be grateful for each day you don't have pain and even the days where you are unwell with man flu, a sore back, or a sprained ankle, accept it is shit but be thankful it isn't life-threatening and will go away.
Whinge less. And help each other more.
Give, give, give. It is true that you gain more happiness doing things for others than doing them for yourself. I wish I did this more. You did the most incredible thing by giving with your kindness and the most thoughtful and loving words and support. More than I could ever give in return. I will never forget this and will be forever grateful.
Do not go out and buy material things that you usually would, like a designer jacket. It makes you think how silly it is that we think it is worth spending so much money on new clothes and things in our lives. That designer does not define you. You are perfect just as you are.
Buy your friend something kind instead. Take them out for a meal, or better yet, cook them a meal. Shout their coffee. Give or buy them a plant, a massage, or a candle and tell them you love them when you give it to them. Like those little pair of panties that we had to buy after the missing napkins situation.
Value other people's time. Don't keep them waiting because you are shit at being on time. Get ready earlier if you are one of those people and appreciate that your friends want to share their time with you, not sit by themselves, waiting on a mate. You will gain respect too!?I know that right now you are waiting for me, and god, I am sorry that I am not going to come.
Use your money on experiences. Or at least don't miss out on experiences because you spent all your money on material shit. Go to that movie with Mason and his newest flavor.
Put in the effort to do that day trip to the beach you keep putting off. Dip your feet in the water and dig your toes in the sand. Wet your face with salt water. Go to that beach party that Jax loves to hold.
Try just enjoying and being in moments rather than capturing them through the screen of your phone. Life isn't meant to be lived through a screen, nor is it about getting the perfect photo, enjoy the moment! Stop trying to capture it for everyone else.
Get up early sometimes and listen to the birds while you watch the beautiful colors the sun makes as it rises.
Listen to music, really listen. Music is therapy. Old is best.
Cuddle your dog. Get a dog.
Talk to your friends. Put down your phone.?
Travel if it's your desire, don't if it's not.
Work to live, don't live to work.
Seriously, do what makes your heart feel happy.
Eat the cake. Zero guilt.
Say no to things you really don't want to do.
Don't feel pressured to do what other people might think is a fulfilling life; you might want a mediocre life, and that is so okay.
Life does not always go as plan.
Tell your loved ones you love them every time you get the chance and love them with everything you have. And this is where I want you to remember that I will always love you with my whole heart.
Also, remember, if something is making you miserable, you do have the power to change it – in work or love or whatever it may be. Have the guts to change. You don't know how much time you've got on this earth, so don't waste it being miserable. I know that is said all the time, but it couldn't be more true.
Anyway, that's just my life advice.?
Life does not always go as you plan. I am sorry that I cannot do it. Find that strength and carry on.
'Til we meet again."
With that, I crumple the note up and throw it to the back of my car…
Ya, guess I am going back home after all.
I am fucking crushed…