Chapter 52 Locked Behind A Cage

I thought I saw her this morning. In the crowd, she was standing with hot cocoa that she bought from the corner shop. As I came up to her, it was not her. Was I disappointed or not? I don't know.
It has been a week since things have finally been over between Trinity and me. I am back in the business. I feel, in a strange way, alive. That suit that I did not want to define me. It has defined me, and yes, I like it.
Do I miss my life with Trinity? Of course, I do, every day.
I truly hope that whatever she is doing that she is doing well. She should have her ceremony any day soon now. Well, I hope she is going to be great. The woman turns anything into good that she touches, well, apart, just not me. Guess I am that one thing that would have always have gone wrong in her life.
So tonight, I need to have to go to some charity function with Raven as, not only as her plus one but also as her protection. There is a part of me that is feeling so goddamn guilty going somewhere with another.
I need to move on with my life, which means that I cannot get stuck in my past. Trinity is my past; she cannot and will not ever be my future again. This is me; this is who I am; you hurt me, I cut you off. I shove you to the back of my mind in a cage and lock each and every thought away of you to ever think of again.
It is with that in mind that I slide effortlessly in my designer suit. Slip on a pair of shoes and give myself a once-off over in the tall mirror and straighten my tie.
As I descend the stairs, I put the final part of my accessories on.
"Are you ready, Raven?"
But ya, as I take Raven by the hand, all these memories are flooding my mind from Trinity. Raven sees the pain echoed in my eyes, and she leans to pull my lips closer. I only but shake my head, "I cannot do this."
Trinity is still is still fucking ruining me. And I am not banging another woman that I should learn it is best to leave alone.
I want Trinity out of my fucking head.
The more I try to push her away, the more she consumes me. It is unbearable. So I am finding myself walking to the bar as we get to the function. I have just said no to a damn gorgeous woman because I cannot get a woman out of my head that does not want anything to do with me.
This brings me to this; any fool would ask, how can you love a woman that you have only known for a few weeks. Well, I ask, how can you not. If anyone has to meet Trinity, I am sure that they shall also be bewitched, not only by her beauty on the outside but from the inside as well. Then when I say this, I just think back to what she has done. I do not think, even if I have to see her now, that I will be able to forgive her. She has ruined me not only for myself but for any other woman that wished to enter my life.
So as I sit in the bar, alone, yes, I just said I do not want to be alone. But I am not truly for there is a pub full of people around me, and I was even one clever, I have left my phone at home. There is no way that I am sending any drunken messages at two o'clock in the morning.
But I know I could so easily do it when I get back home. The thing is, do I want to? Yes. I want to tell her how disappointed I am in her and in the same breath that I love her with all my heart. And then lastly, I will tell her that she must move on and forget about me.
And it is with absolute torture that the more whiskey I drink, the more she is gripping my mind and twisting every single memory from it. I want to feel my hand tremble as I take it to her cheek; I want to feel as I softly tuck her hair away from her eyes. I will lean in a little closer; our foreheads will gently touch. I won't be able to fight against the thoughts that are going through my mind. She will flood my senses in every possible way.
I want to feel as I take my thumb to her bottom lip and gently run it from one corner to the other. I want to feel how soft and smooth they are as I slide my thumb over with ease. I want to hear her voice hitch as I move over them between the seams and slightly begin to part them.
I want to feel the heat between our bodies. I want to hear her whisper, but her trembling lips will only cause her words to whimper. I want to see my name forming around her lips, but I will not hear it. I want to see as she is drowning in the power I have over her body.
I want to feel as I move my lips breath by breath even closer to hers. They will be so close that we could almost breathe the same breath. I want to look down at her lips and back up to meet her eyes. I want to see her close her eyes as I move forward to close the space between us. The first thing I want to notice is how much she tastes like cotton candy.
I want to stare into her deep brown eyes as I cup her cheek; I will see them slowly turn red. This woman that has so much power over me will be like jelly in my hands. I will smile at her before I slowly lean into her. My hand will shake slightly; my mind will repeating the same sentence over and over. I feel like I am going to explode. I will desperately want to claim those lips.
Ya, nice going, Colton. Now all I want is Trinity.
As a few more days pass, if I thought it would get any easier, then I am sadly mistaken. I see her absolutely everywhere. She is in the crowd when I buy my morning coffee; I see her as I go to collect my laundry; I am convinced that I even see her get into the car that is next to me in the parking lot.
There are so many times that I have come so close to dialing her number, but then I remind myself why I should not….my heart
Now talking about heart, I have much to my own disgust, been out with a girl Candice, on more than one several occasions. The term fond needs to be defined. I enjoy having her around; there is a gap that she fills, the type that wants me not to be lonely. Nothing, and I think I can gladly say, has happened between us intimately.
Another thing I can say about Candice, and this I only realized last night as I watched her at another charity dinner that we had, I realized she looks exactly like Trinity. Now how is that for compensating for something that you have lost? Does this concern me enough to let Candice know that there is truly no future for us, which it really is? Maybe having a bit of Trinity around helps me get through the difficult times, but in the same breath, I should be forgetting about her, not finding her in other places where I could find her.
So tonight will be an evening that Candice shall come to spend with me, here, all, alone, at my house. And I can say that I am truly worried about what might just happen.
Why the fuck am I feeling so guilty?
Of course, Trinity.
I don't know if I am still mad at her or not. I think the more I get settled here, the less I feel that I need to worry about a life that I have left behind. It is probably a life that she has now embraced. Which I am happy for her.
The part that I am not happy about is that she will be marrying that asshole that claimed her as his. But then again, I was not far off; I did it myself. The thing is, she does not belong to anyone. And nor do I.
So as I enter the building and pass the reception, I kind of get the respect that I always wanted people to show me, but not quite in this way. But they know that I look after them in the best way that I know how and that is being kind to them and their families. Yes, the money does help to bring them through, but it is the interest that I show in them in their lives. Now I know it is not even near possible, but I at least try to remember most of their names.
Who else's name that has been forcing me to remember it is Trinity; I don't know if I am still mad at her or not. I think the more I get settled here, the less I feel that I need to worry about a life that I have left behind. It is probably a life that she has now embrace, and she might even open that practice like she always wanted. Which I am happy for her.
The part that I am not happy about is that she will be marrying that asshole that claimed her as his. But then again, I was not far off; I did it myself. The thing is, she does not belong to anyone. And nor do I. And one person that I truly do not belong to is Candice. So as I step out of my front door, she is there waiting for me.
Now the woman is gorgeous; I am not going to argue with that. And these little moments that we are spending together, which are becoming more often, are making it hard for me to keep it together when my heart is still in pieces. There are days that I wish that I could just run away from her, but then there are these days, like today, that all I want is to be near her.
Or, or perhaps I need to explain to myself why I am so drawn to Candice. The woman looks down to the beautiful deep sparkle in her eyes; she looks exactly like Trinity.
Ya…I have a girl on my arm that reminds me of the girl that I am so desperately trying to run away from. And trying to control myself around Candice is becoming harder and harder each time I see her.
But yet I let the danger in, and I continue to play with fire. I am like a moth to a flame, and I am going to get burned, and boy am I going to get burned. And as I step into my house and firmly shut the door behind us shut. I step one step closer to her and slowly drive that gorgeous body back into the wall. I pin her gently between my arms. I run the edges of my lips softly against her cheek. I hear her breath hitch, and then she softly whimpers my name. I run my warm breath slowly over her soft cheek to her deep red velvety lips. They are but only an inch away from touching hers.
Now the woman is gorgeous; I am not going to argue with that. And these little moments that we are spending together, which are becoming more often, are making it hard for me to keep it together when my heart is still in pieces. There are days that I wish that I could just run away from her, but then there are these days, like today, that all I want is to be near her.
But just as this foolish heart is about to do something fucking stupid, I hear as the knob of the front door turns open.