Chapter 49 What Was Real Between Us

Trinity sent me a message last night after she stormed out of here, but I never returned one. Well, she sent me half a sentence; I honestly thought that she was playing with me, so I did not bother to answer.
I am mad, and my heart is broken…again.
How do you return to your life after something like this? What do I do with my life now? What do I do with myself now? I am a broken, messed up man.
So I reach in my pocket for my phone, hoping that Trinity has changed her mind. There is nothing.
Why the fuck am I still holding on when she has told me on so many occasions now that it was a mistake, that it was over?
I need to get away from this. I decided to give Mason a call.
"Hey, Mason."
"Hey, Colton."
"Do you want to meet at the pub for a few?"
"Of course, see you in half an hour."
If anyone can make sense of anything, then it is Mason. So half an hour later we meet at a pub down the road from me.
"So, Colton, what happened?"
"She sends me a fucking Dear John letter and knows, as of yesterday she is stepping up."
"Fuck," he hesitates for but a few moments and then. "Man you are fucked now."
"Thanks, you are such a ray of sunshine to have around. If I wanted to stay morbid I would have stayed at home and drank there."
He moves close and passes me another chilled glass of whiskey from across the table, "What now?"
"It's over. The best for both of us is to move on. You can't fix what is broken."
A couple of hours later, we both can barely walk. So I decide to make my way back home. I drop down on my couch, and I take my phone out. Nothing. No text. No call. Nothing. So I decided to text her instead.
"Trinity. I think we both made a big mistake by letting our feelings get involved. We were not thinking clearly; I was not thinking clearly. Whether we both really meant it or not, we will never know. How much of it was right, I don't know. What is real is the pain. The heartache is real too. But most of all, the regret, that is definitely real. I chose to walk the path with you, but I did not sign up for getting hurt. Take care, Trinity, maybe one day our paths will cross again."
I am a broken, messed up man that just told the woman he loves; she meant nothing at all.
She will understand one day that I did this for her.
…Trinity POV…
I got a message from Colton last night saying that we were a big mistake. That everything we felt for each other meant nothing, that the moments when we were deep in love, and every moment that I felt him intimately, he said that all of it was fake.
Why would he erase these past months in an instant? I know I was mean to him; I said some pretty awful things. How can he just shove me aside and pretend I don't exist?
Guess, in a way, he might be trying to protect himself from getting any more than he already is. But I cannot leave things between us like this; I am going to respond to his text.
"Hi, Colton."
I wait for him to respond; my heart is a nervous ball of mess. I want to hear from him again, even if he just tells me that he is okay but lying. But as a minute ticks by, there is no response from him. I am not yet going to give up, so I message him again.
"Please, can we talk?"
I watch the clock as another minute passes in silence. Has he really, since last night up until now, truly gave up on me? Well, I am not yet giving up on him, so I message him again.
"Please don't ignore me."
I check my phone persistently for the next minute, but it does not light up at all. Why was I so mean to him? He did not deserve it. And here am I making it as if it is all about me, why he does not answer me, well maybe if I answered him in the first place then he would do it now.
Maybe things between Colton and me are really over. I don't care much for losing a lover; I care more that I lost a friend. Of all the things I will miss the most is the sound of his laughter and the cute dimples whenever he smiles. But most of all, his big beautiful blue eyes. I really hope he is okay wherever he is.
But I am not ready to give up yet; I try to message him once again.
"Colton, please do not continue to ignore me. Please stop."
As I fall down onto the bed, newfound hopeless sets over me. Am I ever going to see Colton again? I need to know that he is okay. That is all I need to hear. Before I drift off to sleep, I send Colton another long message.
"Colton. I am sorry. If I never get to speak to you again, I want you to know that I am sorry."
I wipe the tears away before they start dripping down my cheek, then I carry on writing what could be my very last message to him.
"Colton, if I have not told you this before, I want you to know that you don't just live in your own body; you live in mine too. We are part of each other; we are one. I hear your footsteps in the passageways of my heart. Your voice echoes through my veins. I can see your face in the mirrors of my memories. You have engraved yourself deep into my soul. You will forever be a part of me. Please find it in your heart to forgive me. If not now, maybe one day."
...Colton's POV...
Trinity has been sending me messages. I have been ignoring her, but it is killing me inside. I so want to give in to her. Maybe I should reassure her that I am okay. I know that she shall feel better, at least.
"Trinity. I am okay. Please do not worry about me. I think that maybe this is for the best."
And maybe I should not have said that last part but this damn thing cannot unsend. Now she is going to feel worse than better. But honesty is what we need now, and right now, I honestly do not know where our relationship stands, so honest is what I will be as I type her one last message.
"Trinity, maybe you told me this once, or I told you, but I never knew that I would find my one and true love that day with the fresh rays of sunshine on our faces. I never knew that you would turn to me and smile and tell me those three words I have been waiting for all my life. You were the sunshine in the morning and the last rays of light in the evening. You gave me hope; you gave me a taste of happiness even if it was brief."
I stop for one brief moment and know in my heart that as I am typing this, that I have given up.
"But it is autumn now, our hearts have gone cold, the hope is dead, and sunshine is hard to find. One day it will be spring, and our hearts can go on, even if it is without each other."
I have been lying on the couch in a little ball, crying my tears dry. Every part of my body aches.
My heart beats at a sore drum, I am missing her so much. My legs feel numb; I cannot run away from her anymore. My arms feel heavy; I need to be in her embrace. My head hurts; I cannot bear thinking of losing her. I have been a fool thinking that I can live without her. Trinity is the glue that keeps me together; he is the one that makes me feel whole when my body is falling apart. She has loved me, and that I need to remind myself of...she used to love me, for now she don't.