Chapter 72 Seconds Ticking Away

There is a lot to say about my relationship with Trinity…We are far more apart than we are together. I have come to realize that for the past minutes that I have been sitting here and thinking of what Vic said.
It is a sad fact that when it becomes too serious for Trinity, then she makes a dash for the door. And here is thought it would be me that had commitment issues. But to be truly honest, I am getting tired of her throwing a tantrum.
It is simple.
If she does not see a future beyond me putting a ring on her finger, then there is no future for us. I cannot, and I will even go as far as to say that I will not play this game any longer. If she cannot stand by her choices to be with me and love me without any condition, then we are clearly not meant for each other.
We are two worlds apart.
Well, we used to be.
But it still does not stop her from running away, and dare I even say, like a little girl. We play hide and seek around every corner, and I am drained. My heart cannot take any form of rejection anymore.
So, this will, and it is sad to say, but this will be the very last time that I will ask her to give us a chance together.
With a trembling hand but a very confident mind, I type, and once again, this is the wrong way, but there is no other way that she will listen.
"Princess, stop running away from me. Please give us a chance."
With that, I drop the phone next to me; I take the bottle of whiskey that is growing empty at one rapid pace and pour another shot into the glass.
Now I wait.
I wait for Trinity to give me an answer. I have Vic s answer; even though I did not like what he said, I am now sitting patiently waiting for her answer. It grinds my ass that the stone family has my future in their hands, but it is that future on the other side of that phone that I want to have.
So I fucking eat Vic s shit, and I beg his daughter to take, like Vic said, "A man like me." What the fuck does he even mean by 'A man like me?" Needless to say, I listened to his shit because all I wanted was his answer.
Now the man was fairly rude, as he always is, but he made some very valid points about Trinity, and it is those very valid points that have me sitting here and waiting for her to answer.
Yet, it has been fifteen minutes and twenty seconds since I have sent her the message. I have spent my time in the very same chair for what seems like an endless hour, hoping that she shall somehow come to her senses. I have been desperately looking at my phone as each second ticks by. Any sane person would have given up by now, but I know that I will never stop until I know there is definitely no future for us.
As I sit here with the sun just coming up over the horizon, it is peaceful; in the quiet moments, I sit and think of her, and I wonder if she does think of me too. Between you and me, I somehow don t think so, especially when she is trying her best to run away from me.
While she is running away, I am running towards her. She has been forever carved into my heart, in my soul. Vic will have to kill me before I ever give up on her. But what do I do if she has given up on us…once a-fucking-gain.
I know that after everything, after all of this, that my words might even sound worthless. But I believe there is a chance that we shall be together again. All I need for her is to answer.
But, ya…
It has now been twenty-five minutes and twenty seconds since I have sent her the message. Yet, she still has not answered. I would like to believe that she is sleeping, but I know she keeps her phone in the bed next to her, and she should have for sure felt it vibrate.
I truly thought that by now, I would have her safely back in my arms. Unfortunately, it appears that I am not even close. I was hoping that by now, she would have at least said something, even if it is no.
So here I am, a delusional man that has this notion in his head that Trinity Stone belongs to him. Guess I should have listened when Jax and Mason told me to stay away. She did, after all, had a reputation as a heartbreaker. Guess I am not the only one that knows how to play the game. But fuck, she is playing it far better.
But for some fucked up reason, I believe that fate brought us together, and I am hoping that fat will guide us back. Ya, I told you I am delusional. Trinity does not belong to me; all I am doing is chasing my own tail.
Guess my past has defined me, and I will really just be "A man like me."
Though if it were not for Trinity, my heart would not feel this way; I would be lost. She is the air that I breathe, the air that fills my lungs. She is the blood that beats through my heart. She has been the one thing that has stayed constant, well, perhaps not. Yet what has remained is my love for her.
What else has remained is that she has not answered.
It is now forty-five minutes and nine seconds since I have sent her the message. I am nestled comfortably on my black leather couch, with a whiskey in one hand and my phone in the other. I am starting to really lean toward me being delusional.
It is not fucking happening.
She will not say yes.
Do I even need to tell her that I am sorry? Well, perhaps I should not have placed this pressure on what we already had. Apparently, it is one of my talents to fuck everything completely up. Just as Vic also told me, that I would just be ruining his daughter s life. But I firmly, well not for long, but I still believe that I can fix what went wrong only a few hours ago, and then we will be together once again. The fact is, I am not going to let it go that I want to marry her.
Guess that is my problem, that once I set my mind on something, I will get it. I am fucking Colton Cruz; I get anything I want. But it seems the only thing that will not be mine is Trinity Stone. The damn woman is stubborn, and god, she can throw a tantrum. Should I even ask myself why it is that I still want to be with her?
Well, she has forever etched herself in my heart. No matter the distance, my heart will always be hers. She is the only woman that can save me from this loneliness and being "A man like me."
Ya, it is this man like me that is staring at the clock now. It has been fifty-five minutes and twenty-nine seconds since I have sent her the message.
I have sat here for what seems like endless hours. It feels as if I can just drop off the face of the earth and spend the rest of eternity with a broken heart. Personally, I don t care how broken my heart is, as long as she is with me.
As I sit here tormenting myself, all I can think of is her beautiful face. Those bright brown eyes that see clearly beyond my soul. Her long locks of brown hair that dance on her shoulders. Her soft, supple lips that curl into the most desirable smile. It feels that I have not seen it for such a long time.
I am fucked.
I sound like a hopeless romantic.
Trinity Stone has ruined me…again.
But this very woman is the one that enchants me with her smell of lily and vanilla that lies like a hint on her skin. It was the first thing that drew me apart from that gorgeous body, and it is still the very thing that keeps me drawing in. A million other women can wear the same fragrance, but none of them will ever compare to her.
How can I forget the sweet taste of her, whether it is those lips or the taste of her very essence?
There is nothing more intoxicating than it. She is my poison, and I will keep on drinking.
I believe that any moment now, this phone will light up. I believe that she might even phone me, and I will hear that voice that is sent from angels.
I hope that she will answer.
Fuck.
It has now been an hour, five minutes, and forty seconds since I have sent her that message.
She has not fucking answered.
I am losing hope now. I am yet again proven how wicked this world can play a joke on a man in love. I feel that with every ticking of my watch that it is ticking away what was precious between us.
It scares me.
If I give up now, then I will be lost, and there will be no reason to hang on any longer. It feels like I am at odds with the universe. It feels like I am hanging by a thread to life, and if I let go, I won't survive.
And now, as it feels that we are apart farther than is meant, I know that the only place for me is to be with her. She is my love, but most of all, I want her to be my wife.
The loss, not having her here, is tearing my heart to pieces slowly and with the most unbearable pain. I so want to get mad at her for leaving me again. I want to believe it is only her insecurities that made her run away.
Does she not understand how much I love her? I will turn this whole world apart just so that I can be with her.
But it seems that she does not feel the same.
One hour, fifteen minutes, and ten seconds.
Then the phone rings…