What it All Really Meant (Part I)

Two weeks. It took two weeks for four brothers to learn to look outside of their own pain. To look at the card’s humanity is often dealt with, and how like them, its people are still forced to go on. How scars affect who they are, but some people are strong enough to not allow them to be the only thing they become. It took two weeks of seeing the healing process of four women, to show four brothers, they weren’t alone in their pain.

Fabian entered the room and laid next to a sleeping Fiona. Entering her dream, he sat in the shadows and watched. The scene of the night replayed over and over, but it wasn’t of the father and what took place. It was the different moments of Fabian’s response to the revelation of her scars. The way he’d hugged her, but not in the way he usually did. The way he couldn’t look in the eyes, he claimed were his favorite pair. It was all the ways he’d subconsciously told her what he’d seen had been too much. And as the brother who had too much of everything, knowing he’d made her feel that way tore into him. Especially since his Faye adore all that he was.

"Forgive me for abandoning you all…and forgive me Ian, for being so disgus-” She shook her head and looked to the floor. In a quiet voice, he heard her say, "He’ll never want to touch me again.”

Exiting her dream, Fabian held her close. And at that moment he knew just how to fix what he’d almost broken. The next morning, he brought her breakfast in bed and gently caressed her face. He tilted his head and stared at her.

"One brown, one blue…the most beautiful eyes I’ve ever seen.” A tear fell, and he wiped it from her cheek. "You up for a little painting after you eat?” He pointed to the easel.

She nodded, and when she finished, Fiona took a seat behind the canvas. Her lips quivered, as she saw the picture of the Sunday six pinned to it. Fabian leaned down and kissed her on the top of her head.

"Paint.”

He waved his hand and exited the room. Her hands shook as she began to paint, starting with the adult version of herself. And as she moved to the next person, their adult face came into her view. She’d never seen them as adults, only knew what happened to them. The pain of seeing one another had kept them away though they’d longed to reunite.

Fiona jumped feeling warmth around her as if she was being hugged. Knowing Fabian wasn’t there, she closed her eyes, understanding it was her friend. Each woman she painted, the face came to mind, and another pair of invisible arms found her body. And before she knew it, her painting was done, and the sight of it made her cry. The Sunday Six, now adults all dressed beautifully, their smiles returned. She jumped feeling a new pair of arms. She smelled her mothers’ perfume, and she completely broke down. As each disappeared, Fiona finally felt her guilt lift. Because somehow, she knew, they were happy for her, and it was then that she was able to take another step in her recovery.

She called out to Fabian, and as he entered, she gave him a sad smile, "Thank you.”

She stood and he pulled her into his arms hugging her, the way she’d grown to love. They laid on the floor and talked about any and everything they could think of. And slowly the days continued, and Fabian would make sure to touch another part of her. Her arms, her legs, her stomach, and he’d always look into her eyes. Each day Fabian and Fiona shared a little more of their trauma with one another, and each night as they fell asleep in each other’s arms, they felt the emptiness in their souls lessen. One night, during their many talking sessions, he turned and faced her.

"Faye…do you think…do you think you’re disgusting?”

She shook her head no immediately, "I’m not ashamed about what happened to me, especially now. I love my body; I love helping other people consensually learn about their own. I’ve regained control of my sexuality and learned the difference in what that really means.”

He nodded, "Then why do you think I would ever feel that you’re anything less than amazing?”

She turned away from him, "Because you saw-”

"What should have never happened to you. Just like I see how you still are alive to help others, you’ve helped me so much. You’re amazing Faye…” He kissed her, and she felt him murmur, "You feel amazing in my arms” Placing her hands around his neck, she pulled him to her. He saw her eyes turn green and dilate. Saying nothing else, Fabian removed her clothes. And after rediscovering one another, he saw Fiona brow etch with worry. "What’s wrong?”

"I-I can’t find the ring. It was here, but it’s gone…”

Fabian pulled her close and she heard him whisper, "I’ll get you another one.”

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Declan peered into Desiree’s soul, her frantic thoughts knocking into him hard.

"STOP BUYING THEM! STOP LOOKING! THEY KEEP BUYING THEM! PLEASE STOP!” He could feel her heart quicken. "OH NO! I FELL ASLEEP…I HAVE TO GET UP EARLY! I HAVE TO FIX MY HAIR AND MAKEUP BEFORE HE GETS UP! HE SHOULD HAVE NEVER SEEN THAT…I will be perfect…I will stop being nervous around him…BE PERFECT AGAIN DESIREE and maybe-maybe he’ll forget seeing the real you.”

Declan felt like an asshole, his father was right. He was so enamored with the mask Desiree wore, that he never picked up on why it freaked her out so badly when it slightly cracked in front of him. The fact she worked overtime to be patient, understanding, and gentle. The way she’d made sure he knew, there was nothing wrong with him at all.

And as someone who once constantly tried to be perfect for others to the point he almost died, it tore him apart knowing, he’d made her feel like she had to do the same. So when Desiree awoke the next day, he gave her his phone. She looked and her eyes widened, reading the article in front of her. The Doll Baby Womikin had all mysteriously disappeared. And just like her father and Little Barrett, they would never be found. There were countless videos of theories about it, ranging from ghost and satanic rituals. She looked up at him, and he waved his hand indicating magic.

"Nobody will ever violate you again." He said sternly.

He saw her jump. "Shit!” She covered his eyes with her hands, "Don’t look! I-I’ll fix this! Give me a second, and I’ll be back to your Dezzy.”

He grabbed her hands and wrapped her in his arms, "I’m not letting you go.”

“But I need to-”

"Stay right here, with me.” He sat her up and looked at her, "You aren’t perfect.” He saw her wince, "That’s what I love about you.” She closed her eyes, and a small tear fell, "I love that I get to see the Dezzy with her style, and makeup and everything, and I love that I get to see the Dezzy that’s doesn’t have any of it on…because it lets me know that you love me enough to let me see all of you. I love every part of you, especially your imperfections.” He felt her relax

"Really?”

He chuckled, "Duh…how else would I have known you wanted me? Your ramblings are my favorite thing.”

She glared at him and playfully punched his arm, "You weren’t supposed to hear that.”

"But I did and let me tell you something else-” He kissed her bare face, "I want some of you now…some of you tomorrow when I have to pretend, I’m not staring at you in lecture-”

She laughed. Pulling Declan to her, she murmured, "That sounds perfect.”

For the next couple of days, Declan and Desiree rediscovered a new type of normal. One that allowed themselves and others to see who they truly were. One where he asked for help and enjoyed how excited everybody was to give it to him. One where Desiree showed who she really was and enjoyed how excited people were to see. Her Youtube changed, and she showed mistakes she made as she learned new things in her profession, and what she did to get them right. And slowly her comments changed from her being perfect, to her being relatable and a wonder to watch.

Brushing her hair to climb into bed, she turned to Declan. "Have you seen my ring?” He shook his head no and she arched her brow. "That’s so weird.”

She laid on his chest and Declan breathed her in, "Yeah well, we do weird well.” She laughed and felt his hand stroke her hair, "Maybe it’s lost or…maybe... it knew it was soon to be replaced.”