.20. Feeling lost.

"Aiden, I'm so sorry. Oh Gosh, if only I wouldn't be so damn nosey. I didn't mean to," Camilla covered her mouth with both palms, doing her best to avoid crying. All this time, she felt like she was the one to suffer, forgetting about pain others might feel. She had been hurting for so long- by now, the young woman felt numb.

"No, it's alright, Camilla. I'm not particularly eager to jump into details since my soul will stay half-empty for a while, but that's not an issue. My family didn't leave my side until I could build myself back again. My mate, she wasn't a good person. When we think of rogues, you see someone who was banned from the pack for their crimes or left it voluntary. She wasn't a rogue, the girl came to train from another pack, but for the two weeks, I knew her there was nothing but pain. She slept with everyone, increasing the change of men as soon as she met me. She rejected me when she found out that I was just a warrior. The girl wanted an Alpha, trying her best to fuck her way up. I never got the chance to hold her hand or hold her on my arms. And maybe that's for the best, as said- there was nothing but pain. I accepted her rejection, so her death didn't affect me as much, but it still hurt." Aiden sighed, gripping the steering wheel.

Camilla bit on her bottom lip, thinking would more questions be a good idea. She had no intention to involve Aiden's private life even more than she already did, but the curiosity was still there. How did the girl die? Why did she resist and rejected Aiden? He is an amazing man, obviously the most caring one Camilla had met. The question of why the girl did all those things kept nagging Camilla.

"Can I ask how? You know..." The young woman decided to take the risk. She had never met someone who was rejected and still alive. Maybe Aiden was a living proof that Camilla will survive the rejection as well? Even if her mate would want her- she had to think of all possible outcomes.

"Sure you can, sweetheart. You already know that she wasn't a good person. Her Alpha found out that she met her mate and demanded to meet me. I asked Alpha Snow to find a way for me to avoid any possibility of meeting my ex-mate. From there, everything went downhill. Her Alpha is a respected man who holds mates very highly, let's say he didn't like the information he had to find out. First, her sleeping around a foreign pack, then meeting and rejecting a mate. Technically her punishment was supposed to return to the original pack, but when Alpha Snow found out that she was stealing some stuff from here... yeah. She tried to find paperwork from around here for rival Alpha, who promised her to take as a mate if she got the information. She was caught red-handed, and sending her away wasn't a punishment she could get through with. She was executed in front of the elders' council." Camilla felt how a sudden wave of sadness overtook her while Aiden seemed irritated, yet not hurt. She couldn't imagine how hard his life really was, feeling ashamed of each time she was brave enough to complain about her life.

"I'm sorry, Aiden. I shouldn't have..." Tears started streaming down her cheeks as all of her emotions mixed up.

"You shouldn't be. She might have been my soulmate, but I rather end up alone than live my life side by side with someone as shallow as that woman was. Of course, I did loved her from the moment I first met her, but I was so done with her within days- it's crazy. Please don't feel bad for me; don't feel bad for her. She wasn't and will never be worthy of your pity. Chin up, princess." Aiden laughed. Camilla thought that he was trying to cheer her up, but the sincerity in his voice said it all. He wasn't missing her, nor wanted the woman by his side. As soon as the laughter died down, Aiden became more serious: "Tell me more about yourself."

"What exactly do you want to know? Some facts, or?" Camilla bit on her lower lip, trying to avoid any eye contact. She was not the one to speak about herself, especially when someone wanted to find something out. It was easier to answer questions than just talk about some random things.

"Tell me, how are you feeling, what is happening in that big head of yours. I'd like to know more facts, but if I ask for only those- you'll be able to hide a lot. Tell me something about your recent emotions," Camilla's jaw dropped. No one ever asked her anything about things she felt. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. Aiden just shared the most heartbreaking experience of his lifetime; maybe she should too.

"I'm feeling lost, and I don't know where to go; I don't really have a place to call my home. It's stupid and weird- I have a house here, but it doesn't feel like home anymore. My parents died, you know that. I still have my grandma, but she's sick and remembers me only on some occasions. Most of the time, she keeps asking me who I am and why I decided to visit her. Aside from that, everybody hates me and makes me feel alone. I had a friend, we spoke about that one, but after losing the only one I had, it feels like there isn't a reason for me to be alive: no family, no friends and no real home. Sometimes I want to cry just because I feel insane, the voices in my head scream louder and louder each day. The only positive change in my life is you." A sad smile appeared on her lips as the bottom lip trembled. She sighed again.
"And right now, I'm happy. Happy because you are here because I have someone like you right beside me. I can't promise that we will meet again, I can't guarantee that you won't forget me, but I swear that I won't forget you. Sometimes I want to die so fucking bad. After moving away, I'll have a memory that you're the best I've ever had."

"Don't be like that, princess. You're amazing; I'll get tired of repeating that over and over again. I was a little scared that you'd turn out like most Alpha family favorites- entitled and arrogant. But you didn't, and I'm so damn grateful for that. I would be the luckiest man alive if my mate would be near as fantastic as you are. It would be so damn easy to fall in love with you, Camilla. You have no idea." Aiden grabbed her hand and brought it to his lips. Even he knew that she would leave despite how much he wanted for her to stay. This wasn't the place or the pack she would be happy to stay in.
Camilla needed a more positive environment, and Zane taking the Alpha title soon didn't sound anywhere near peaceful.

"How do you think- they would love me If I change?" Camilla suddenly blurted out, her eyes sparkling in hope. The way Aiden acted made her rethink her decisions. There was one person who wanted to keep her around- maybe leaving was a bad idea, after all?

"As much as I would love to see you each day. As much as I would want for you to stay- don't. For many reasons, just don't. I don't want to see you hurting, and I don't want to fall in love with someone who isn't meant to be mine. That would be so fucking wrong, wouldn't it?" The atmosphere around the two wasn't just tense- it was depressing. Both had a sad smile on their lips, Camilla's cheeks covered in tear stains.

"Please don't love me, it's a waste," She laughed, trying to sound like a joke. Her words were sincere; she spoke her mind, no matter how much it hurt the young woman. Camilla would love to have someone as Aiden or Aiden in person, but it wouldn't happen. If they'd be fated to each other- the man would know that.

"It's not a waste. It's the fucking bullshit those low life losers kept feeding you. And you know what the saddest part of it all is? The fact that you believed them, the fact that you listen in their words and don't think along. Is there even one person who knows you good enough to speak about all of those things? Asides from your former friend, who obviously exchanged the most beautiful friendship he could ever have for a few days in the spotlight. Aside from that little bitch- is there anyone who ever spoke to you? Anyone who knows your name without a rank added to it? Anyone who knows what your passion and hobbies are? There's no need to answer; I know that all of those will be a damn no. It makes me sad to see such a beautiful soul getting tortured because an insecure asshole decided that it would be fun. Hence, I will let go of you as soon as the council problems are dealt with. I don't want to let go of you, but your happiness is more important than my selfishness and crush on you. Yeah, I might have told too much, but it's the truth- I have a crush on you. Been repeating this for the whole evening, but I do think that you're everything and more. Whoever ends up by your side is one lucky bastard."

"Let's stop talking; I'm getting a bit tired," Camilla smiled, facing the window. She didn't want to give out how comfortable she actually felt about Aiden. If the universe were on her side- he would be her father mate, yet the dreams never come true. At least for her.

They sat in silence until Aiden turned on the radio. A beautiful song came up after a rather joyful one. The song was slow, perfect for weddings and lovers- the type of music which made Camilla forget. She didn't notice how her lips started moving, and words escaped her lips, singing along. Bit by bit, her voice became louder until the song ended, and she smiled, letting out a deep sigh.

"I thought that women could look like angels, never did I dare to assume that some can also sound like ones. You have a beautiful voice," Aiden side glanced at her, an amused look on his face. He was enjoying the way Camilla kept blushing more than he should. The wolf in his stirred, agreeing with Aiden. They weren't ready to let someone in their life, too close- but both wanted to stay around her. The beast felt the urge to protect the young woman while Aiden longed for closeness with someone outside his family.

Everyone has to go through unpleasant experiences in time, but the one he had to face ruined him to the core. Aiden promised himself to stay away from women, to keep them as far as he could. And now a young woman was sitting in his car, singing like an actual angel. The emotions in her voice, the pain which was so easy to catch on, drove him closer to her. The woman he kissed so passionately, the woman he wanted to make his even knowing that it was wrong. The woman Aiden wanted to take home and keep all to himself, hiding the treasure from outsiders. Camilla was one of a kind- one he would have to let go of and watch her leave. Maybe that's the reason why he clung on her hand and didn't let go. Perhaps that's why Aiden hoped that Camilla would rather spend the night with him, aimlessly driving around than going back home.

"Thank you, but I don't think so. The last time I sang was..."

"When was the last time?" His heart skipped a beat, fearing that his comment brought back some painful memories.

"The last time was a few days before my parents died. My dad was my hero, the best man I had ever known. He was the wall in front of me, despite the low rank. I haven't met someone as reliable as he was. My mom- she was the one who could make everyone smile. Everyone loved her, she made our house a home, and without her, there wouldn't be a family. It was another movie night, and we were watching some romantic movies which mom chose. Each week one of us had the opportunity to select whichever genre we wanted to. And she was a sucker for romance. There was this scene where lovers danced in the middle of the cafe, and I knew that song. Somehow I started singing, and my parents danced in front of me as I did. The love in their eyes, the way they did everything for each other. That was one of the best days of my life, but it still hurts despite the memory being so damn good." Camilla couldn't stop the tears. She felt weak, but it didn't matter. For all this time, she had tried to forget the good and bad memories. She had tried to pretend that nothing changed, way too scared to face reality.
Reality hurts, it breaks the strongest, and she wasn't ready to break down over memories. Camilla needed more time to heal.

"I'm sorry for bringing this up, I didn't want to make you sad." Aiden squeezed her hand, showing that he was there for any support Camilla needed.

"You didn't know; it's alright, I just need some more time. How about..." Her phone's vibration interrupted Camilla. She grabbed it out of her pocket and noticed an unknown number calling her.
Aiden parked near her house and looked away, giving her as much privacy as she could.

The call wasn't long. Camilla shook as she spoke, the only two things she said were tearful "really" and "I'm on my way."
When she ended the call, Aiden looked back at her; she was hyperventilating, a hand over her heart.

"Camilla, what's wrong?" He felt the panic grow in him, the view of her in pain or scared wasn't one Aiden wanted to see. He could feel how his wolf fought for control- freaking out over her appearance.

"Can you take me to the hospital? M-my grandma," Camilla cried out.

"Say no more!" Aiden took a sharp turn, so caught up in fear, her cries, and unexpected situation that he didn't notice the car coming out of nowhere. The first one to see was Camilla- car lights heading right at the passenger door where she sat.

"Aiden, car!"