22, No regrets

“I wanted to thank you for your gift. I don’t have words for how grateful and honoured I am,” Ayya said as they walked through the herd of horses. Tenac’s grandfather seemed a little more unstable on his legs and Ayya offered him her arm without thinking about it.

“Thank you, Ayya. My legs are stiffer than they used to be,” he said. “I am happy you like her. She is a fine horse. Tenac tells me she gets along with Addon.”

“She is an amazing horse,” Ayya agreed. They watched as Estrela lazily walked in the middle of the herd. “And yes, she and Addon seem to get along. To be honest, I think Addon is a little bit of a snob. He has a hard time getting along with other horses because he thinks them to be below him,” Ayya said, making the chief laugh. 

“You might be on to something.” They continued walking until they got to the river. There was a small knoll with a turned over tree on it. “Let’s sit down. I need to rest my legs a little,” the chief said. 

“Did we walk too far?” Ayya asked.

“No, no. I’m just feeling my age. No need to look so sad, child. I have lived a good life, longer than most. I regret very few things,” he told her as they sat down. “The one thing I do regret is turning my back on my son when he left us to pursue his dreams,” he confessed. 

“Tenac’s father?”

“Yes. I was selfish and wanted him close to me. You must have heard by now that Cenac, Tenac’s father, was my favourite son,” he told Ayya. She nodded, remembering what Tenac had told her about the family dynamic. “People think that it’s because he was the first son born to my second wife, or that he looked so much alike me. But truth be told, he held a special place in my heart because he was so different from me.”

“In what way was he different?” Ayya asked.

“I have always known that my place was here, amongst the herd, travelling the plains. You know how much I enjoy learning about different cultures and places. But never once have I ever considered leaving my tribe in search of that. I could have. I had three younger brothers that could have taken my place as chief. But I knew my place, and I stayed. Never have I regretted it, but there have been times when I have wondered how my life would have been if I didn’t stay,” he told Ayya. 

“The road not travelled,” she said, nodding.

“Yes. I married my first wife because it was expected of me. She was a good wife, a good woman. But marrying for love is something different. I was lucky enough to get to experience that as well. But I almost didn’t because I conformed to what I should do, and I would have been happy living with my first wife if things had turned out different. Never knowing what possibilities were out there.” Ayya listened as he talked. She had a feeling he didn’t open up like this often, and she was scared to ruin the moment.“Cetu is like me. He doesn’t wonder what lies beyond the plains, he doesn’t question why only men are allowed to own tents. Cetu knows he will be chief when it’s my time to reunite with the herd. He will be a good chief, not a great one, but a good one. Cenac inherited my interest in unknown places and my love of horses. But he also got his mother’s wild side. I loved him for it. He questioned things, but in doing so, he lifted issues we wouldn’t have seen otherwise. He was determined to follow his own path, and it made me proud, but I was too narrowminded to see that it would lead him away from the clan. In the end, I knew he made the right decision to leave, and I had the chance to tell him. When his time came, we had no hard feelings between us.”

“That must be a comfort to know,” Ayya said.

“It is. Tenac is a lot like his father. He has the same determination to follow his own path. But he has also inherited his mother’s tactical thinking. He is calmer and more planning than his father. He would have made a great chief, our people would have thrived under his leadership,” Tenac’s grandfather told her. Then he gave her a smile. “But his path isn’t with the clan, either. It took me a long time to figure out why. But now that I have, I’m happy he followed his gut feeling. Nontuf will take over after his father and I think I have installed a little more curiosity into the boy than I did his father,” he then said with a laugh. Ayya smiled at him. She could hear the love he held for his children and grandchildren in his voice. Tenac’s father may have been the favourite son, but the chief had much love for all the others as well. “May I ask you a favour?” he asked Ayya.

“Of course, if I can, I will do whatever you ask,” she said without hesitation.

“Would you promise me to stay by Tenac’s side? The boy maybe stubborn and he has enough willpower to move mountains, but he needs someone he can rely on, someone he can open up to,” he said.

“That is an easy promise to make. I promise you that whatever happens, I will always be at Tenac’s side when he needs me,” Ayya answered. 

“That makes me happy. Thank you, Ayya. I have seen how strong of a bond the two of you have.”

“I am lucky to have him as a friend. I don’t think I could have done half of the things I have done if he hadn’t been my guide those first months.” Tenac’s grandfather smiled at her. It was a mischief smile that she hadn’t seen on him before, like he had a secret that he wouldn’t tell her. 

“Do you ever regret coming to Salmis?” he asked.

“No. Looking back at what I left and seeing what I have makes me realise how lucky I was that I got the chance to come here. What I left behind was not a proper life, it was a ghost of an existence. I think Tenac and I are similar in that way. We enjoy discovering new things. It’s probably why we always have got along.”

“Yes, that must be it,” he said with another smile. “I’m happy to hear that you have no regrets. It’s important to find peace in one’s decision. It also means that we had the chance to make you part of the tribe, for which I’m very proud.”

“Thank you, it’s me that is proud to be a part of all of this,” she told him.

“Let’s head back. I’m in the mood for some coffee and one of those new treats you brought us,” Tenac’s grandfather said. “I finally figured out what the five petaled rose that Tenac insisted on me using for your mark means. Controlling all five elements is impressing. It would be nice to have both the lady and her apprentice be members of our clan. Just having another aari gave me a lot of extra weight in the last clan meeting,” he said as they were walking back. Ayya laughed.

“I will do my best.”

“You always do,” he nodded. They spent some time drinking coffee, and he asked Ayya about her latest travels. She asked him about what had happened at the clan meeting. After a while, Ayya excused herself to let him rest. She walked over to Cetu’s tent to talk to Beruda and the other women. They chatted as they prepared dinner and Ayya felt right at home, like she always did. Ceran and Cetu came when the dinner was almost done and were soon followed by Nontuf. He stopped just inside the opening and looked at Ayya, clearly surprised to see her. 

“Mary, sorry, Ayya. What are you doing here?” Ayya reflected on how strange it felt to be called by her old name. 

“She’s here to visit, of course. Go sit down with your father,” his mother told him. “Honestly, that boy needs to use what’s between his ears,” she then muttered to the other women. They giggled and Ayya felt like there was a joke that she didn’t quite get. They all sat down to eat, and then it was time for Ayya to head home. She said goodbye and, as she made her way to the city, she was glad that she had decided to visit the clan on her own. It wasn’t the same as when she did it with Tenac, but she had liked it just the same.