57, Selfish

“I don’t know. I think it will depend on if your men can catch the two men that tried to kill you,” Ayya said.

“There were two men?” the king asked.

“Yes, didn’t you get a report?” Ayya asked.

“No, there hasn’t been time. How did you get one?”

“Tenac gave it to me the moment we were safe,” Ayya told him.

“Effective,” the king commented. “To be honest, the church will take this opportunity to ask for a hold in our meetings. They will claim it is for my protection, but hope a long pause will make you lose interest and leave,” the king said. Ayya nodded. That sounded reasonable to assume.

“As long as we are welcome, we will stay,” she told him.

“You are more than welcome to stay as long as you wish. I will try to get them to resume our talks as soon as I can,” the king said.

“While we wait, can we move around freely?” Ayya asked.

“Yes, as long as it’s not in the council chambers,” the king nodded.

“Thank you. I would like to visit some old friends if I have the time,” Ayya smiled.

“I see,” the king said. “That shouldn’t be an issue,” he added.

“Good, I think it’s time that we get back to our party. I thank you for this talk. It has been interesting. If there is something we can do to help, please let us know,” Ayya said.

“It was my pleasure, and thank you again for saving my life. I will keep you updated on what is happening,” the king told her. They all stood, Tenac still holding Ayya’s hand, and walked to the door.

“Mary, do you need me to escort you back?” Zerden asked.

“No, thank you. I have Tenac, and the extra riders should have arrived outside by now,” Ayya said.

“I think we have things to talk about,” the king told Zerden.

“Good night, Rick. I hope the rest of the night will be more pleasant,” Ayya smiled.

“Good night, Ayya. I hope the same for you,” the king smiled back. As expected, the hallway outside the king’s apartment was filled with grey riders. They formed a close group around Tenac and Ayya as they set off through the castle. Tenac was walking by her side, holding her hand, and keeping watch, she could feel how tens he was. As the corridor split in two, there was a shadow dancing on the wall. Tenac pushed Ayya behind him and drew his sword a second before the rest of the riders did the same. The riders pressed in to protect Ayya with their bodies as two of them went on ahead. Ayya felt squashed, but after her evening, she didn’t mind it.

“Just a lantern that had an uneven wick,” one of the two riders ahead reported. The riders around Ayya relaxed and gave her some room to breathe. Tenac led her forward again and when they saw the door leading into the tower, now guarded by four riders, they all relaxed. As they walked inside, they were surrounded by riders, Hinat and Firlea. Tenac let go of her hand and she was pulled into a hug by her two friends. They had told everyone what had happened, but everyone still wanted to make sure that Ayya and Tenac was alright. After spending some time making sure everyone was okay and telling them they weren’t going home. Ayya and Tenac took the two aari into Ayya’s room to tell them about their meeting with the king.

“Are we really not going home?” Firlea asked.

“We are staying,” Ayya confirmed.

“You think the king was the target?” Hinat asked Tenac.

“Probably, or maybe both,” Tenac said.

“Let’s remember that we are not here to solve their domestic power struggles,” Ayya reminded them. “I like the king. I think he is a good ruler, and I will help him if I can. But we will not get in the middle of this. We are here to help the people,” she added. They all nodded.

“I think we all could use some sleep. It looks like we will get a day of rest tomorrow. We can discuss things further then,” Tenac said.

“That sounds good,” Ayya nodded. The two aari agreed.

---

Tenac laid in bed and stared at the ceiling. He couldn’t sleep. His mind kept playing the moment he had seen the stain on Ayya’s dress over and over again. He could have lost her today, and he thanked every single god that he hadn’t. He remembered she had let him hold her hand for hours. No objections, no questions. Tenac had needed it. He needed a reminder she was okay, that she was alive. There was a powerful urge to be selfish and tell her how he felt. He sighed. There was a sound from Ayya’s room. Tenac could hear her soft footsteps. She was awake. He could go and talk to her, he thought. If he told her how he felt now, and she rejected him, he would have the rest of the trip to try to put things right. No, he thought, it wasn’t right. He would definitely not do that. It wasn’t worth it, she had enough to deal with, he thought as he pulled on pants and a shirt. He softly knocked on her door and heard her telling him to enter. She was standing by the window, looking out over the city. He walked up to her and couldn’t help himself, but placed his hand on her lower back. She looked up at him and smiled.

“Couldn’t sleep?” he asked.

“No, the thoughts refused to turn off. You?” she said.

“The same,” he told her. Was he really going to do this? He thought as he turned towards Ayya. She was beautiful in the soft moonlight.

---

Ayya hadn’t been able to sleep. She was second guessing the decision to stay. What if someone got hurt because of it? She understood the concept of sacrificing the one to protect the many. But it was hard to practise when the one was someone you cared for, and the many was the faceless people of a city she no longer called home. She stood at the window looking out, hoping to find inspiration, when she heard the soft knock. Ayya smiled. She should have known that Tenac would know she was awake. She asked him to come in and he walked up to stand next to her. When he turned towards her, she looked up at him. It looked like there was something he needed to say.

“What?” she asked and turned to face him. He studied her for a while.

“I have to do something really selfish, just this one time and then it can be as it never happened,” he told her.

“What are you talking about, Tenac? You are the least selfish person I know.” She smiled at him and placed her hand on his arm. He smiled back at her and before she could react, he put his hand on her cheek and stepped closer to her. His hand tilted her head and as he bent down, their lips met in a kiss. 

Ayya had been kissed twice in her life. It had been nice. This wasn’t nice, this was breath-taking. The way Tenac’s soft lips felt against hers, the way his body fitted to hers. Once she got over the first surprise, her body responded, and she decided she wasn’t going to fight it. Ayya relaxed and leaned into the kiss, moving her hand from Tenac’s arm to his neck. She felt his hand that was on her lower back, gently pulling her closer to him. His hand on her cheek moved to intertwine in her hair. Ayya felt her heart beat like crazy and how the world focused in to just be the two of them. Nothing existed outside the kiss. When air became an issue, they slowly parted and Ayya looked up into Tenac’s eyes. He was smiling at her and he gently caressed her cheek. Ayya smiled back at him.

“I have wanted to do that for a very long time,” he said.

“I liked it,” Ayya told him, and closed the distance between them to pull him into a second kiss. Tenac seemed as surprised by the kiss as she had been at his. But then he recovered and responded by pulling her closer and deepening the kiss. Ayya put her arms around his neck to make sure he didn’t move away. As the kiss ended, Tenac looked at her with so much emotion in his eyes that it almost made Ayya dizzy.

“I love you, Ayya,” Tenac said. The words resonated within Ayya, it was like they were creating an echo that filled her. She smiled up at him.

“I love you too, Tenac,” she told him. He looked so surprised that Ayya was afraid he would pull away. “What?” she asked, concerned.

“You love me?” he asked.

“Yes,” she smiled. This was new ground for Ayya. She had no idea what she was doing, but she let her instincts guide her and hoped that would be good enough.

“I thought you said you weren’t going to love someone romantically again,” he said.

“I did. But that doesn’t include you. You are different,” she told him.

“Why?” he asked, looking confused.

“Because it’s you, Tenac. You have never done anything else but believed in me. You know when to push me and when to protect me, you let me do my thing and just make sure I’ll be okay. If I need you, you are always there. You understand me better than anyone, except maybe my dad. How can I not love you?” she said.

“I should have kissed you sooner,” Tenac said. Ayya giggled.

“Maybe. I’m happy that you kissed me,” she told him.

“So am I. Does this mean I can continue doing it?” he asked.

“Are you asking me if you can court me?” Ayya smiled.

“I guess I am,” Tenac grinned.

“Then yes, as long as you don’t tell your mother or my parents,” Ayya nodded.

“What, why not?” he asked, looking defeated.

“I’m not going to tell them something like that in a letter. My dad will not be happy that I’m seeing someone, and telling him in a letter will definitely not be a good thing,” she told him.

“I was thinking it might actually be better that way,” Tenac said.

“Tenac, were you hoping to tell my dad in a letter so you wouldn’t have to do it face to face?”

“Yes,” he admitted. “I kind of like being alive, now more than ever,” he added. Ayya placed a soft kiss on his lips.

“I don’t think that will work. He would probably be worse that way. The chances are high that he would come here,” Ayya smiled.

“You might be right. But we can tell them when we go back home?” he asked.

“Of course. But Hinat and Firlea will never know. It will be the end of us if they find out,” Ayya laughed.

“Why?” Tenac wanted to know.

“They may have suggested this after the first time we all met up at the market. Do you remember?” Ayya asked.

“Yeah, we were setting up Firlea and Jontak.” He nodded.

“Yes. Well, they thought you and me should date as well. I might have given them permission to teas us non-stop if that were ever to happen,” Ayya confessed.

“You will just have to suck it up,” Tenac told her with a smile.

“Okay,” she nodded. He drew her in for another kiss, and all the thoughts that swirled around in her head were gone. There was only Tenac and her. When the kiss ended, she looked at him. He looked happy, which made Ayya happy.

“Time for bed. Even if we get the day off, we will still have things to do,” Tenac said, placing a kiss on her forehead. She smiled and nodded. Tenac was letting go of her to return to his room. As Ayya lowered her arms, she felt all the thoughts and worries rush back into her brain. She reached out and took his hand.

“Wait,” she said. Tenac turned around and looked at her. “Stay,” she told him. The shock on his face was almost comical as he looked at her and then glanced at her bed. “Not like that,” she chuckled and saw him blush. He was adorable, she thought. “Just for sleeping. This time,” she said. He shook his head and smiled.

“Sure,” he said and followed her to her bed. As both climbed in, Ayya felt unsure about the thing. What should she do now? How was this supposed to work? Tenac solved the problem by putting his arm around her and pulling her close to him. She ended up on her side with her head on his chest and his arm around her.

“I’m not too heavy?” she asked. He laughed, and Ayya moved with the shaking of his chest.

“No, you’re not too heavy,” he told her.

“Good night Tenac, thank you for kissing me,” she said.

“Good night Ayya, I promise to do it more often from now on,” he told her and kissed her on top of her head.