69, Cleansing

Ayya stared at Zerden, he hadn’t moved since she told him to leave.

“Ayya, this isn’t like you. You don’t get angry or upset. I don’t know what is happening, but talk to me. I will help you. You know you can trust me,” Zerden said. Ayya could blame the intensity of the day, everything she had at stake on getting a yes. She could blame the emotional rollercoaster she had been on since arriving in Domne. Regardless of why, she lost her temper.

“Do you want me to be honest with you, Zerden?” she asked.

“Yes.”

“The reason I was never angry wasn’t because I didn’t feel anger. It was because I knew that if I showed it, I would be kicked out of the kitchen. I buried that part of me so I would survive, and I took things in stride because I had to. It broke me, Zerden, to have to take things without being able to fight back. How could you not know how bad it hurt if you were my closest friend? And our talks? The last years of our friendship, they consisted of you telling me things you had done, or thought were important. You never asked me about my day, or what was happening in my life. When I told you things, you brushed them aside. How can you tell me to trust you when you let Sarah make fun of me and criticise me without defending me? Or at least let me stop going to those agonizing meetings? I had the biggest crush on you back then. I worshiped the ground you walked on. And you let her break off pieces of the little self-worth I had. And you tell me I shouldn’t be angry? That I should trust you? Leave, Zerden, just leave.” It felt cleansing to get all of it off her chest, Ayya thought as she recovered from her tirade.

“Ayya, I-I don’t know what to say,” Zerden told her.

“Don’t say anything. Leave,” she said, raising her voice. The words had barely left her mouth when the door opened and Tenac stepped inside. 

“You heard her, leave,” he said to Zerden. Zerden looked at Ayya, but she shook her head. He walked out of her room and she saw two riders escorting him towards the door before she was embraced by Tenac. Hinat and Firlea joined them and closed the door to her room. “Are you okay?” Tenac asked as he was holding her tightly. 

“I’m fine, better than fine. I just need a minute or two to calm down,” Ayya told him. Her friends sat down at the table while they waited for Ayya to be ready to let go of Tenac. When she did, the two of them joined the aari at the table.

“I know what he wanted, but tell us what happened,” Hinat said. Ayya did. She told them everything about the short conversation.

“We could set him on fire,” Firlea suggested. 

“Or the riders could make him disappear. I’m sure they wouldn’t mind,” Hinat said, getting an affirmative grunt from Tenac that had his arm around Ayya. Ayya laughed.

“Thank you, but I don’t think so. It was actually nice to tell him all those things. I didn’t think I held on to all of that still. I thought I had let it all go, but apparently not.”

“I say it’s a testament to your kind heart that you at all let him be in the same room as you,” Tenac said. 

“Oh definitely,” Firlea agreed.

“If he had done it to one of us, you would have made sure he never bothered us again,” Hinat said.

“That is probably true, but I think this is all over now. He knows where I stand and I can’t see him coming back from that.”

“You give him far too much credit. I’m thinking this won’t be the end of it,” Hinat said. Firlea and Tenac nodded. 

“We will handle it if that is the case,” Ayya told them. After calming down and talking things through with her friends. They walked back out into the common room. Ayya and Tenac went back to sitting in the window. They watched the people in the courtyard for a while. 

“You know I would marry you this second if you wanted me to?” Tenac asked. Ayya smiled at him. It was typical of him to worry about something like that. 

“Yes, I do know. But I can wait until we get back home,” she told him. He nodded.

“But you want to?” he asked.

“Yes, I want to spend the rest of my life with you. Whichever life it turns out to be,” she said. He smiled at her and leaned forward to kiss her. They rarely shared their affections so openly, and Ayya could see some smirks on the riders’ faces, but she didn’t care. Tenac looked happy, and that was the most important thing. 

“I would like that as well,” he said. “And just so we are on the same page, you will become the next Lady and I will take up the responsibility as your bodyguard.” Ayya looked at him.

“Really? We don’t know what the council will decide yet,” she pointed out.

“No, but I don’t see a future where my mother chooses anyone else as her replacement.”

“And you will take over for my father?” Ayya asked, a little amused.

“Of course, why else do you think I switched to the Lady’s guard after you told me about controlling all five elements?” he said. Ayya was stunned into silence. Had he planned it that long ago? She vaguely remembered a conversation she had with her parents about why he had chosen to transfer. Her mother had been frustrated because Ayya and her father hadn’t understood what she had been trying to tell them. Had her mother known? 

“You did it so you could become my bodyguard if I became the Lady?” she asked in disbelief.

“Of course, I couldn’t trust anyone else with the task,” he said, as if it was the most obvious thing. 

“I don’t deserve you,” Ayya told him and kissed him back. Tenac just shook his head and pulled her over so she could lean her back against his chest. They continued to watch the courtyard in silence. When lunch was sent up, Ayya noticed it contained most of her favourite foods from when she worked in the kitchen. She smiled. 

“I think word about who I am have got out,” she said, happily eating a forkful of shepherd’s pie. 

“How’s so?” Hinat asked.

“The kitchen has sent up things I loved when I was working there,” she told them. She needed to visit the kitchen, she thought. 

It was a couple of hours later when a soldier came to tell them the council had made a decision and that Ayya had been summoned the hear it. They gathered their usual group and set out towards the council chamber. Zerden stood waiting outside, as always. He didn’t look happy as he looked at Ayya, and when Tenac stepped to the side to block Zerden’s view, he looked angry. 

“The king has asked you and your bodyguard to join them,” Zerden said. Ayya nodded as she and Tenac removed their weapons and walked into the council chamber with Zerden. Ayya almost didn’t hear Zerden announcing them, as she was so focused on trying to read the expressions of the people in the room. The members of the council didn’t seem happy, but neither did they seem upset. It was a mix of both. Which told her nothing. She knew they were split between the two decisions. The head of the council looked like he needed a good meal and a week of sleep. The discussions must have been gruelling. Yet Ayya couldn’t tell if they had gone his way or not. He just looked tired. The king didn’t look happy. He looked displeased, and Ayya felt her heart sink. She knew, and trusted, that he was on the side that wanted to allow her to help. If he wasn’t happy, it couldn’t be good news, she feared. She looked at the bishop, expecting him to look smug. But to her confusion, he looked like the king. If neither the king nor the bishop were happy, what decision had they made?

“Please, have a seat,” the king said, gesturing to the seat that had been put out for her.

“Thank you, your majesty, but I think I prefer to remain standing for this,” she told him. He nodded as to say he understood. He then gestured towards the head of the council. The old man stood up.

“We, the council, have today discussed if we should let the aari assist our city with the issue of the illness. We have reached a decision and are ready to proclaim it,” he started.