61, A day on the town

“If you don’t want to tell me, it’s fine,” Tenac added.

“You know most things about me. I don’t mind you knowing this as well,” Ayya said. “It wasn’t the one thing. It was a constant chipping away. I had feelings he didn’t, and he didn’t see it. He used me to arrange meetings with the woman he was interested in,” she said.

“He made you watch him court someone else,” Tenac asked with anger. Ayya smiled, this time a genuine one.

“Yes, and maybe that wasn’t his fault, as he didn’t know about my feelings. What was his fault was he let her criticise me. He even agreed with her, even though he knew how fragile my self esteem was,” Ayya told him. Tenac had to use almost all of his self-constraint to stay where he was. He remembered how she had been when they first met. He remembered how she had reacted the first time he had to cancel one of their walks. Ayya seemed to notice his state of mind. She placed her hand on his cheek and smiled.

“So, what did his mother tell you that you didn’t understand?” Tenac asked after taking a deep breath.

“She told me she had hopes of me becoming her daughter-in-law, but she couldn’t say it straight out like that. It would have hurt me even more. So she phrased it in a way she hoped I would understand one day. But she gave me this,” Ayya said and showed him a little book. Then she told him the story about the book, and he couldn’t help but to smile. He had a hard time picturing the former castellan lovesick. But he could relate. “When I finally figured out what Anna had been trying to tell me, and it took me years. I was afraid she had given it to me because she expected me to come back and things would work out like she had hoped between Zerden and me,” Ayya explained.

“Is that why you brought it with you?”

“Yes, when we visited today, I asked if she wanted it back. But she said no. She said it had always been mine, and I now had use for it,” Ayya smiled.

“She has no hopes for you and her son?” Tenac asked.

“No, and even if she had, it would never happen,” Ayya told him. “I love you. I fell out of love with Zerden years ago. And Zerden has never had those kinds of feelings for me,” Ayya continued. Tenac had to laugh. Ayya was one of the most intelligent people he knew. But she had a giant blind spot when it came to detecting men’s feelings for her.

“Sweetheart, he is very much in love with you,” Tenac smiled. She looked at him like he was talking gibberish.

“Sweetheart?” she asked. Tenac felt himself blush.

“It just came out,” he said, which was the truth.

“I like it,” she smiled. “Okay, let’s say you are right,” she said.

“I am,” he persisted.

“It wouldn’t make a difference. I still don’t love him. And if he loves someone, it’s not me. It’s Mary,” Ayya told Tenac.

“You talk as if you are two different persons,” Tenac said.

“To you I’m the same one, because you have seen me become me. But if you met Mary, the Mary who first came to Salmis. And we went our separate ways and years later you met me. Wouldn’t you think of Mary and Ayya as different persons?” she asked. Tenac thought about it while he played with a loose lock of her hair.

“Yes, you have come a long way,” he admitted.

“When Zerden thinks about me, he thinks about that version of me,” Ayya said. 

“So, I don’t have to be afraid of you choosing him over me?” Tenac asked, half serious, half as a joke.

“That would never happen,” Ayya said and kissed him. Tenac let himself be swept away in the kiss. He could kick himself for waiting so long to kiss Ayya. But he enjoyed every second of it.

“Why don’t you do as Anna told you and use that book,” Tenac smiled at her.

“You want me to read to you?” she asked.

“I would love that,” he nodded and saw how happy it made her. He drew her closer to him, so she settled with her back against his chest. When she started reading, he put his arms around her and rested his chin on her shoulder. It was a perfect moment. After reading a couple of poems, Tenac felt how she tried to hide a yawn. He smiled and kissed her cheek.

“Time for bed,” he told her. She nodded and stood up from the love seat.

“Thank you for today, Tenac. It meant a lot to me,” she told him.

“Anything, anytime,” he smiled at her.

---

The next morning, Ayya got them ready to head out into the city. They were all instructed to leave the formal clothing at home, to use their everyday uniform and dresses. After breakfast, they gathered the ten riders who would accompany them and headed out.

“I don’t want anyone to stop people if they try to get closer unless there is a clear threat,” Ayya told them as they walked over the courtyard.

“You are making me regret I agreed to this,” Tenac whispered to her.

“I trust you and your men,” Ayya told him with a smile. He just shook his head and put on the grim face he always had on when he was on duty. They caused some commotion amongst the soldiers guarding the castle gates. They weren’t prepared for the aari and a group of riders to leave the castle.

“Where to?” Tenac asked.

“The marketplace is always a good place to start in a new city,” Ayya smiled and gave him directions. As they were walking, people stopped and looked and showed their respect for them. As they walked, Ayya told Tenac and her friends about the city. When they came to what had been Mr Sansi’s house, Ayya stopped and looked at it.

“Is something wrong?” Tenac asked.

“This is where I met your mother and my dad for the first time,” Ayya smiled. She pointed out the tree that was still standing at the corner of the wall, its branches neatly trimmed not to stretch beyond it.

“That’s the wall you climbed when you were ten?” Hinat asked.

“Yes, there were some boxes in the alley I stacked,” Ayya told them.

“That is quite a jump, even if you have a carriage below you,” Firlea said.

“I was desperate, and it turned out better than I could have expected,” Ayya smiled and told them to walk on. She continued to share stories along the way. Most of them were of the happier kind and she felt really good about her plan for a day on the town as they reached the marketplace. The day was frosty, but not brutally so. Ayya and her friends strolled amongst the stalls and looked at the merchandise. The riders kept close and watched the crowd. The people were friendly but kept a distance from them. Ayya knew they weren’t used to people from the upper part of society walking amongst them. She didn’t want to push them either, instead she focused on talking to her friends and looking at the items in the stalls. The market place was much smaller than the one in Salmis and mostly consisted of food items. 

“Look, isn’t she pretty?” Ayya heard a small voice say. She turned towards it and saw a little girl pointing at her, talking to a woman trying to hush her. Ayya smiled at the girl and walked up to her. She knelt down to the child’s level while ignoring the woman’s panicked look.

“Hi, I’m Ayya. What is your name?” Ayya asked the girl. The little girl suddenly got shy and looked down as she grabbed a hold of the woman’s skirt. 

“Answer the lady,” the woman said.

“Britta,” the girl said.

“What a beautiful name. Is this your mother, Britta?” Ayya asked. The girl nodded. “Do you like flowers?” Ayya asked.

“I like daisies,” Britta told Ayya and dared to look at her. 

“I like them too. Tell you what, since you were so kind to me, let me give you a gift,” Ayya said, and with an exaggerated hand movement, she produced a little pot with daisies. There was a gasp from the people around them and Britta just stared at the flowers. “Go on, they are yours,” Ayya encourage her, holding the pot out for her to take. Britta reached out and took the pot and then she looked from the flowers to Ayya and back to the flowers. 

“Thank you,” she said. 

“Thank you or making my day a little brighter,” Ayya told her, standing up. “You have a very lovely daughter,” she told Britta’s mother.

“Thank you, my lady,” the woman said and did a clumsy curtsy. 

“Have a nice day,” Ayya said and waved at Britta as she turned and walked away. She could hear how Britta excitedly showed her mother the flowers and Ayya had to smile. She saw Hinat and Firlea also smiled and it made her feel better about her plan. At the entrance of one alley leading from the marketplace, Ayya could see a group of children watching. From the way they dressed and acted, she knew they were part of the group of children living on the streets. Before, they had terrified her. Now she just felt sorry for them. She spoke to two of the riders and sent them off. 

“What are you doing?” Tenac asked her. 

“I’m socialising, it’s not that bad,” she told him. It only took a moment for the two riders to return with what she asked for. One carried a basked of bread and the other a basket with apples. “Please look less angry,” Ayya told Tenac as she handed the baskets to Hinat and Firlea and lead them towards the children. When the children noticed the group approaching, they got up to disappear into the city. “Hey, before you run, could you take these two baskets off our hands?” Ayya called out. The children stopped and looked at each other, and then at Ayya and the people surrounding her. The two oldest boys made a head movement towards the others and the other children set off running. But the two boys slowly walked back towards Ayya.

“Why are you giving away food?” one of them asked as he eyed the basket of bread. 

“It’s the best bribe I could think of,” she told him. The two boys looked surprised, but then they smirked. 

“That is true,” the one that spoke earlier said. 

“I’m Ayya. I used to run around theses streets when I was younger. Here, help yourself,” Ayya told them as she waved Hinat and Firlea forward with the baskets. 

“You?” one boy asked with doubt as he snatched an apple and bit into it. 

“Hard to believe, right? I lived in the artisan quarter. Me and my friends ran around all over this place when we were younger. Is the watch post by the old inn still standing?” Ayya asked. 

“Yeah, it’s a good place to stay when it’s raining,” the boy said.

“The crumbling walls were a nice shelter when it was windy, and you had the best view of the city,” Ayya agreed.

“You got all the way to the top?” the other boy asked. 

“Yeah, there are, or at least there were, when I was there the last time, a passage in the south wall that has stairs. Some steps were broken, but In my time, you could make it to the top,” she said. 

“Need to try that,” the boy said. Ayya continued to talk with the boys for a while. They talked about the situation in the city and how things had changed in the last year. In the end, Ayya send them away with the two baskets of food.

“They were nice,” Firlea said as they watched the boys run off. 

“They were,” Ayya agreed.

“Are we done for the day?” Tenac wondered. Ayya smiled at him.

“No. Now we find some meat skewers and eat lunch. Then we will take a walk,” she said.