71, Truth be told

“Thank you for suggesting it. But I think we can head back,” Ayya told him. Tenac frowned.

“Is it because of Zerden?”

“Partly. But also because I don’t want Anna to end up in the middle of it all. It’s best if I leave it for a while,” Ayya confessed. 

“Are you sure? I can always kick him out if he’s there,” Tenac offered, which made Ayya giggle.

“I think Zerden has more right to his parents than I do. But I appreciate the offer. I was thinking about writing a letter to mom. I haven’t written to her since I came here and there are things I want to tell her,” she told him.

“About us?” he asked as they started walking.

“No. I don’t doubt she would be fine with it. Or even more than fine. But it wouldn’t be fair to her if I asked her not to tell dad,” Ayya said. Tenac nodded. They went back to the common room and Ayya jotted a note to father Link and asked a rider to deliver it. She asked him to wait for a reply. She thought about going into her room to write to her mother, but the mood in the common room was too good. Ayya sat down at a table and started writing it there instead. Tenac sat down next to her, writing something of his own. There were so many things she wanted to tell her mother. Most of all, she wanted to tell her all about what had happened with her and Tenac, but it had to wait. She was about halfway through the letter when the grey rider returned with a note from Father Link, saying they were more than welcome to visit in the morning. Ayya told the others and before she had time to return to her letter, the door opened again and one of the riders guarding it stuck his head inside. 

“An Anna Bore to see you, your grace,” he said as he saw Ayya. Ayya was surprised but told him to let her inside. Ayya and Tenac both got up from their seats, and Ayya greeted Anna with a hug. She introduced her to Firlea and Hinat before inviting her into Ayya’s room for some privacy. 

“I hope I’m not interrupting anything. I know you must be celebrating,” Anna said as she sat down at the table.

“Not at all. We had our celebration earlier. You are always welcome,” Ayya told her. Anna smiled at her.

“It was good seeing you out there, with the others. You look like you belong in that setting. It’s like you just fit,” Anna said. It was Ayya’s turn to smile.

“They are my people. The riders all belong to my father’s unit, I know them all. Some of them are my friends even,” Ayya explained.

“It’s more than that, Ayya. It’s the mannerism, the way you move with and around each other. It seems so natural, and I’m so happy for you.”

“Thank you,” Ayya said. “So, what brings you here and why are you alone?”

“Most people in the castle know my husband and my son. They both demand enough respect that I am safe to move around the castle. I came to congratulate you. I knew you wouldn’t come to me after what happened with Zerden, so I came to you,” Anna explained.

“He told you about that?” Ayya said, full of surprise. She hadn’t seen that coming.

“He’s my son. Of course he didn’t. But when he came for supper, I could tell something was really off. And as his mother, I made an educated guess,” Anna told her. Ayya sighed. 

“I don’t want to put you in the middle of this,” she said to Anna.

“I know you don’t, and I appreciate that. I’m not blind to my son’s flaws. And I’m sorry you have found yourself, again, being the target of them,” Anna started, then sighed and smiled a sad smile. “We have never openly talked about it, because of several reasons. But I think we are at a point where we can be open and honest with each other. I know, and I have told him, that the biggest regret in my son’s life will be the missed opportunity he had with you. I don’t think he will ever get over it, especially not after seeing you again.”

“Anna,” Ayya tried to say, but Anna held up her hand and Ayya fell silent again. 

“There was a time, just before you left, where I thought he could make it right and the best thing for all of us would be for you two to end up together. But after getting your letters, after truly seeing Zerden’s flaws, I became convinced that even if it may have been the best that could happen to my son, it wouldn’t have been the best thing for you. Seeing you now, your confidence, your strength, how you are around Tenac. I know this is the better life for you. And I’m happy that you have it, I’m not even that sad Zerden won’t have his happily ever after. You had to sacrifice so much growing up, we did so little to help you. It seems right that you should get the happily ever after.”

“Anna,” Ayya said again.

“No, Ayya. Don’t try to defend us. We could have done more. I’m sure no one would have objected if we had asked to adopt you, I could have asked Ken to make sure that retched women stopped bothering you, we all knew the Lady never meant you to have that life, that the king did the bare minimum. But not one of us spoke up about it,” Anna told her. Ayya gave her a smile and took her hand.

“Anna, you and Ken opened up your home to me. I was always welcome there. It meant the world to me,” she told her friend.

“But it wasn’t a home,” Anna objected.

“No, it wasn’t. After I became an orphan, I didn’t have a home until I came to Salmis. But it’s okay,” Ayya agreed. She paused and tried to figure out how to best explain it. “When you become an aari, there is a final test you need to go through. Before the test, you go through a cleansing. When I went through it, I got a chance to look back at my life and discover some truths. We never talked about my father before I left. Back then, I didn’t want to talk about him, about losing him and what he meant to me. But from the moment he picked me up and carried me into the castle after I lost my parents, we have had a bond. I don’t mean to put my first father down, or belittle him. But I truly believe I was meant to be Kopa’s daughter. We just fit together. We are so much alike sometimes strangers have a hard time believing we aren’t related by blood. I am so grateful that he is my father that it’s hard to put into words,” Ayya explained. “If you had helped me back then, if you had given me a home, or made my life less miserable, and definitely if Zerden had confessed his feelings for me, I wouldn’t have accepted Tariana’s offer to go back with them. I don’t know if she would even have made the offer if she saw that I was happy. And looking back, I can accept living that hard life, feeling so alone and heartbroken, if it meant I get to spend the rest of my life as my father’s daughter and with Tenac and my friends by my side. I don’t hold any grudge against you or anyone else here. I am just happy that you helped me get to where I needed to be,” she told Anna. Anna had tears in her eyes and nodded. Ayya stood up and went over to hug her friend.

“No hard feelings?” Anna asked.

“Not a single one, only gratefulness and love,” Ayya told her. Anna managed a little laugh. 

“I know what I said, but I don’t think I can ever quite forgive my son for spoiling my chance at having you as my daughter,” Anna said. Ayya had to laugh. 

“He will find someone,” she told Anna.

“I think he will, eventually. My son doesn’t like to go too far outside the norm. But he will never forget that it’s not you,” Anna agreed.

“That is sad,” Ayya said with a sigh.

“It is, but it’s his own fault. He needs to live with the consequences. You’re not going to tell me what happened between the two of you, are you?” Anna asked.

“No, let’s just say we cleared the air and everyone knows where the other one stands,” Ayya said. 

“Well good. This has been more emotional than I was expecting. Again, congratulations and thank you for convincing the council. Both Ken and I are very proud of you and have confidence in you,” Anna told her, standing up. 

“Thank you, Anna. It means a lot to me,” Ayya said. She walked Anna to the door and then turned around. Tenac walked up to her. He was carrying her unfinished letter and her writing equipment. 

“I thought you would like to continue in your room,” he said.

“Thank you.” He was right as usual and they walked into her room and she sat at the table to continue writing to her mother. It took her most of an hour to finish and she felt exhausted when she was done. 

“Time for bed, I think,” Tenac said as he looked up from the book he was reading. 

“That sounds nice,” she agreed. Tenac walked up to her and kissed her. 

“Congratulation on passing your test,” he said. Ayya smiled, it was the first time anyone had spoken about it. They all knew the test was just secondary to Ayya, but she couldn’t deny it felt good to have passed it. 

“Thank you.”

“It will be hard to beat. I would say you are almost certain to be the selected candidate after this,” he told her with a big smile. 

“Let’s hold off on proclaiming victory until we see how well we do here,” she said.

“That is not part of the test,” he reminded her.

“I know, but still. If I somehow cause a war between our two countries, I think the council back home will take it into account,” she joked. Tenac chuckled and kissed her again.

“Maybe, but probably not. You are the golden child, Ayya. Always rising above expectations.” Ayya knew he was teasing her, but she blushed anyway.

“Don’t say things like that,” she told him, poking him in the sides. He continued to chuckle. 

“Don’t worry, sweetheart, I know who you are. You don’t have to be anything else but just Ayya when we are together,” he reassured her. She smiled up at him. He had the uncanny ability to always know what she needed to hear. 

“I love you too,” she told him and kissed him before shooing him out of her bedroom.