Deep Thoughts

Eventually, Hope closed her mouth and went back into the school, going about her chores while puzzling over Judah Lawless. What would Mrs. Howard say if Caroline Pembroke pulled up outside of their home Saturday morning, the day after tomorrow, expecting to take her to a barn raising that no one else in the household was asked to attend? Or would they be headed there, too? Was it possible that the Coys and the Howards knew each other, and Nita just hadn’t mentioned it?
She doubted that was the case. Maybe she could get away with telling Mrs. Howard that a parent had asked her to go without telling her who it was. That didn’t sound right either. Hope placed the broom in the closet, closing the door and leaning back against it. She didn’t like the idea of keeping secrets, not from the Howards or anyone else. But it seemed that everyone in town thought Judah Lawless was bad news, and they’d lumped his family in alongside him, regardless of the fact that his niece was a wonderful young woman with lots of promise.
Glad to have a long walk home to ponder the situation, Hope gathered up her belongings and shut the schoolhouse door behind her. For a moment, she contemplated whether or not she should swing by the bank and check with Mr. Stewart about the slates, but then she remembered the saloon was close to the other establishment, and she thought it might be open by now. Chances were she could make it to the bank without being harassed, but she’d had enough confrontation for one day and decided she’d just wait until the next time Doc came by to give her a ride and ask him to drive her there first. He had already taken her home four times out of the nine days she’d had class, and said he would do so as often as his schedule permitted.
The March breeze was in full force as she made her way along the dirt road that led across town, back to the Howards’ place, which was beginning to feel more and more like home. After the conversation she’d accidentally overheard between Doc and his mother, she didn’t quite look at him the same way. She’d thought he might be developing feelings for her, and there were times when she thought maybe she might be reciprocating. Doc was a good looking fellow. He was kind and intelligent. He certainly knew how to help others. At the same time, the spark between them just didn’t seem as bright as she’d always imagined it would be when she met the man she’d marry. Of course, the fact that she was not in a situation where she could even entertain a man’s request to court her might’ve had something to do with it. If she didn’t have her contract to worry about, and Doc asked her to go for a romantic ride through the park, or to have a picnic, or some other getaway, just the two of them, she thought she might say yes. Did that mean she was interested in Doc romantically?
It was times like this when Hope wished her mother was nearby. She’d written plenty of letters already, mentioning family members and her students. She had told her mother about the interesting doctor, leaving out that he was boyishly handsome. Her mother had written back, saying she’d sent several letters, too, though Hope had only received two. She thought that was pretty decent for only having lived in Texas a couple of weeks.
But it wasn’t the same. And she could hardly send a telegram to her mother asking if she thought she should attend a barn raising for a couple she’d never met. There were other questions she longed to ask her mother, though. Questions about rumors and what constituted a bad person. Could it be everyone else in town was wrong, and Judah Lawless was simply misunderstood? Even if that was the case, was there anything she could do about it? If her contract didn’t allow her to court Doc Howard, it certainly wouldn’t allow her to be seen in public with Judah Lawless. In fact, she thought the best way to get fired and run out of town was to be seen anywhere with Judah Lawless.
Yet, she was pondering attending a barn raising as his guest, along with his sister. It seemed like a silly idea. She’d been to a few barn raisings, and if the ones in Texas were similar to the ones she’d attended in Missouri, after the barn was up, there’d be dancing. Hope loved to dance, but she was fairly certain she wouldn’t be allowed to. Would it be inappropriate to ask Mrs. Howard if taking a turn on the dance floor with a nice gentleman would go against the promises she’d made when she signed her contract? Even if Nita said it was permissible, that gentlemen could certainly never be Judah.
The sound of Nita humming from the kitchen reached her ears when she entered the house. Upstairs, she heard the elder Mrs. Howard snoring. Not wanting to disturb either of the women, she closed the door quietly and crept up the stairs to put away her lunch pail and the few books she’d been taking back and forth with her. Her mother’s most recent letter sat on the nightstand, and Hope read through it again before deciding to send another response. She took out a sheet of paper and a fountain pen and picked up one of the larger books from her stack to use as a table as she balanced the paper on top of it on her lap. Maybe she should’ve asked Judah if he could make her a table after all.

Dear Mama,
I hope this letter finds all of you well. This is my sixth letter since arriving, so that you can keep track of how many you have received. It is Thursday, and we had an interesting discussion this afternoon in social studies about Abigail Adams and her request of her husband that he give women more rights, which sparked the discussion as to whether or not women should be allowed to vote. It really was interesting, and I am so proud that my students were able to articulate their convictions so well, even if I did not always agree with what was said, particularly by some of the boys.
Nicholas, Mrs. Howard’s youngest son, continues to be a good friend to me. He has come by after school several times to give me a ride home when his schedule allows for it. Being the town physician keeps him quite busy. Any discussions I have with him regarding medicine make me think of you. I do not pretend to have any real knowledge but find that I learn something new every time I have a chance to speak with him.
Today after school, I walked out with two of my students. Ginny, the girl I’ve mentioned before, and her brother George, are both quite bright. I am concerned about Ginny, though. There are rumors about her family, particularly her uncle, and I think the other children may be teasing her. It is all too heartbreaking to think about. Ginny holds such promise, and I would hate to have the other children repeating what they’ve heard adults say in a way that hurts her dear heart. I spoke to her uncle about it this afternoon and hope that this proves helpful. Perhaps I should speak to her mother as well. I’ve been invited, by the uncle, to a barn raising on Saturday. He said he would send his sister by to collect me. I have not decided whether or not I should attend as I do not know the family whose barn is being raised, but I may go just so that I will have the opportunity to speak to Mrs. Pembroke about the situation with her child. I do think that Mrs. Howard will disapprove of my attending, however, since she seems to think the rumors are true and that I should be careful around the uncle. Do not worry, Mama. I shall not put myself in any compromising situations.
I have written to Lola to inquire about how my former students are progressing, but I have not received a letter from her yet. If you hear anything about any of them, at church, or around town, please let me know. I do hope this decision was for the best. Every day that I am here, it seems a little more like home. Yet, I do miss all of you terribly. I know you said I would. I hope it will get easier to abide as time passes.
We still have no slates, but I have managed to work out an arrangement with the town librarian so that we can at least borrow books. As I have mentioned before, I was so surprised to hear this town had a library. I will certainly be volunteering to help Mr. Canton run it, once I have more free time and have settled into my employment a little more. Without him, I fear the work ahead of me would be even more difficult.
I must go now. I should speak to Mrs. Howard about the barn raising. Oh, that you were here so I could hear your words of advice. I am sure they would be perfect. Tell Daddy, Faith, Grandma, and Grandpa I love them.
All my love,
Hope