Correspondence

Cordia unfolded Will’s first letter and began to read by the dim lantern light.
July 6, 1861,
Dearest Cordia,
Please forgive me for not writing to you sooner. I am not so good with words, and your skill has intimidated me some, I am afraid. I have taken much solace in your letters. Your words have captured the feelings within my heart, and it brings me peace, even now as I have just come from an awful battle, to know that you are out there waiting for me. I was at first concerned about your relationship with Jaris. I wish that I could advise you on what you should do so as not to hurt him, but I do not rightly know the best thing to do either. I do know that war seems to change people. Perhaps, when all this fighting is over, you will find your answer. In the meantime, I must tell you it is only the thought of building my life with you that carries me through the hardships we must each endure. How many times in these past weeks must I have thought back to that kiss? I dream of the day I shall return to you as your one true love.
Forever yours,
Will
She read over each word several times. Finally, she pressed the precious paper to her heart one last time and unfolded the other letter. This one, it seemed, was a little worse for the wear, as he had not had time to put it in the envelope. Still, she was able to struggle through the words enough to make them out.
August 9, 1861
My Dearest Cordia,
Again, I must apologize that you have not received word from me. Several times I have intended to mail a letter to you and have not done it. Yet, I have received several encouraging compositions from you. Each time I hear the words “mail call” I run over in the hopes of receiving even the shortest of messages from you. You are the angel that lifts my spirits. You are the keeper of my heart. How much more cruel would this war be without the memory of your face?
I think there must be a battle a brewing for tomorrow. No one has said, but there is something hanging in the air over our camp tonight. I could not rest until I let you know how, even in this darkest of times, you shine a light for me. I know that, no matter what obstacles stand before me when the morning comes, I will get through them because of you. I can still smell the lilac perfume you were wearing the last time my eyes fell upon your perfect face. You are a beacon to me, guiding me home, even in these dark, uncertain places. Please know that, no matter what is to come, I will always return to you.
All my eternal love,
Will
Again, she read his words several times before placing his letters safely away. She put out the light and tried to make herself comfortable enough to fall asleep. So many thoughts, however, saturated her mind, and it was very difficult to find peace. She continued to mill over the conversation she had, had with him, these letters, even the few times they had spoken before he was off to war. “When was it,” she asked herself, “that I fell in love with Will Tucker, exactly?” She could not think of the time, and her thoughts began to jumble as sleep finally overtook her. One word finally came to her mind as an answer. “Always.”
The cornfield needed harvesting. It was plain to see by the height that it was time for it to come in. She looked around at the tall stalks, stretching to the sky, and wondered why Mr. Adams had not come to gather it up. She was not standing in the cornfield itself, but in a little lane between two sections of field. Off in the distance, up the path, she could plainly see the farmhouse. Behind her, there were some trees, and in those woods, there was a little creek, which had often been the spot where she would be trapped and could no longer run.
Just now, however, she was not running. She was standing there, peering into that cornfield, wondering how so much work was going to get done. Just then, she heard a wrestling within the stalks. They started to bend and twist, and she became aware that someone or something was climbing out of them. At first, she was startled, wondering if now was the time to run. But she didn’t move, and then she could see that it was Jaris.
He was standing in front of her now, wearing his Confederate uniform. But, there was no blood on it. He was alive. He was still smiling.
“What were you doing in there?” she asked, hearing her own voice as if it was floating by on the wind.
“Waiting for you,” he said, with a matter-of-fact tone.
Suddenly, she could see that he had something in his hands, but she couldn’t tell what it was. “Why?” she asked.
He chuckled then, and Cordia found some comfort in the sound of that familiar laugh. “I have something for you.”
“What is it?” she asked stepping toward him. She could hear something now, coming from the space between his hands. They seemed to be throbbing, a consistent rhythm pouring forth. She stared at them intently, wondering what he could possibly have.
“I have something that belongs to you,” he continued. “It isn’t mine. I tried to take it from you, but it wasn’t mine to have.”
Her eyes lifted then, from his hands to his face. She looked into his eyes, and in that familiar shade of blue, she saw something amazing. There, behind his eyes, she saw clouds floating by, saw a shiny golden gate. Behind his eyes, she could see the way to heaven. How had she never noticed this before?
“Jaris,” she started, wanting to ask him about this new revelation.
“Never mind that now, Cordia,” he said. “This is more important.” He raised his hands in gesture, and her eyes returned to what he was holding. “This is why I have come.”
There seemed to be something alive in there. As she watched, he began to separate his hands. There, wiggling around, pulsating wildly, was a human heart. Though it was fully functioning, it was not bloody or gross, and she suddenly felt a longing for it. She started to reach out her hand, but hesitated, looking into his face again. “Yes, take it,” he reassured her. “Take it. It’s yours. It belongs to you. I shouldn’t have it.”
Now she understood why he had come. He was releasing her from her contract. He wanted her to go, give her heart to someone else. To be happy. To be free.
“Are you sure?” she asked.
He was still smiling. “Yes, of course. I should have never tried to steal it from you in the first place.”
She reached out her hands and took it from him. “You know I do love you though, don’t you?” she asked, beginning to feel the vibrations in her own hands now.
“Yes. Yes, I do,” he leaned over then and kissed her gently on the head, as if he was her older brother, her caretaker, her guardian angel. “You’re free now—free to give your heart away to whomever you choose.”
He smiled at her again, tipped his hat, and then turned to walk back into the cornfield. She stood and watched him disappear, and then the pounding of her heart overtook her. She felt her whole body pulsating along with its beat as it became louder and louder.
Once again, she was thrown violently out of the world of sleep. This time, however, she was not sweating; she was not frightened. She even remembered where she was. She looked out the window next to the borrowed bed she was sleeping on. For the first time since she could remember, Cordia rolled over and went back to sleep.