Letters

May 16, 1861
Dear Jaris,
I hope this letter finds you well. I decided to wait a few days before writing to you because I wasn’t sure how long it would take for you to meet up with your unit and get settled. And, until today, I really couldn’t bear to think that you were gone. The town has changed in the last few days. It seems all the young men are gone, all the old men are politicking, and all of the women are trying to keep their minds preoccupied with something other than the fact that their sons or their sweethearts are off fighting. Rumor has it that your side is planning an attack soon, that Gov. Jackson has decided to take the state back from Union hands. I pray that you will be safe, no matter what lies in the future. I hope that you will find some solace in thoughts of me and of your home, which awaits your safe return.
Your fiancée,
Cordia
Cordia sighed, rereading the letter one more time. She hoped that it didn’t sound too formal, but she wasn’t exactly sure what to say to Jaris. She wanted to be uplifting, encouraging, hoping for the best, but she didn’t want to be too personal. She stuffed the letter into an envelope, sealed it, addressed it to Jaris’s unit, and shoved it out of the way. Then, she began to write the letter she had been thinking about writing for the last few days.
The thought of writing to Will made it too real that he was actually gone, and until now she had not been able to face that thought. But then, he was almost a vision to her, something she had invented with her own imagination. There had not been too many real moments between them, so in a way, it was almost easier to write to him than it had been to Jaris, someone who had been a very real part of her whole life.
She paused for a moment to gather her thoughts before filling the blank piece of paper before her. She was hesitant at first to say what she felt, but then, in times like this, she could see no use in dancing around the truth. Her only concern was that some other eyes might read these words and tell Jaris. That would be more than she could possibly bear. However, she didn’t think there was much chance of that, considering they were on opposite sides of the war. So, she began to pour out her heart, hoping that Will would find serenity in her words.
May 16, 1861
Dearest Will,
I cannot explain to you just how much I have missed you these past few days. It has utterly surprised me that I could long for someone this deeply when I have spent such little time in your presence. Nevertheless, the few moments that we spent together were enough to assure me that the feelings I have within my heart are true and strong. I have often dreamt of meeting someone with eyes so deep I could peer into them for ages, arms so strong, they could hold me for a lifetime, lips so soft, I could feel their touch days after a kiss has faded. You have taught me, in a short matter of time, what it is to truly love someone. If by chance you should be surrounded by this overpowering darkness that threatens to overtake us, please let the undying love I hold for you in my heart pull you through.
I await word of your safe journey to your station.
All my love,
Cordia
This time, Cordia did not dare to re-read what she had written. She slipped it into an envelope, addressed it, and grabbed her bonnet to take it promptly to the mailbox before she changed her mind. She hadn’t even bothered to mention Julia, nor had she given any explanation of her relationship with Will’s cousin. He probably assumed she was telling Jaris the same thing. He must think her utterly ridiculous! Yet, she thought he needed to hear these words first. There would be time for further explanations in the days and weeks to come. She dropped the letters in the slot, knowing that the post would collect them promptly, and hopeful that they would make their destinations.
The next Sunday, Cordia was amazed at how few men were attending church. It seemed most all of them had joined up and emptied out. There was word that even the forty men who had stayed behind would be relieved of their duties and replaced by Union troops from other parts of the state soon, but Cordia had heard so many rumors in the last few years, she didn’t even pretend to speculate on what would happen.
That day after church, the Pike family joined the Adams family at their farm for Sunday dinner as they did most every Sunday. This week, as last week, of course, Jaris was not present, which seemed odd to Cordia in every way imaginable. His mother went on about how she had written him every day since he left and asked if Cordia had gotten a chance to write him yet, which she assured him she had. Julia also said that she had written to Jaris and to Will, who she said should have joined up with Col. Franz Sigel and his men by now. It seemed that no one in town had heard from any of the men who had left just yet, but Margaret was sure that Jaris would write as soon as possible.
Days passed. Everyday Cordia checked the post for a letter from either Will or Jaris, but by the next Saturday, she had heard nothing from either of them. She had written to Jaris a few more times that week, nonchalant little letters—"I hope you are doing well, how is the drilling," etc., but she had not written to Will again. She intended to spend some time with his sister before she wrote to him so as to provide some of the information she had actually promised to him to begin with. With that in mind, she made her way over to the Adams Farm to check on Julia and to bring Margaret some bread that her mother had baked earlier in the day.
“Cordia! What a lovely surprise!” Margaret exclaimed as Cordia climbed the porch steps. Mrs. Adams had been sweeping off the front porch and put her broom down to hug her.
“Hello, Mrs. Adams. I thought that I might spend some time with Julia today, if she is feeling up to it,” she said, handing Margaret the bread. “Mother baked this for you.”
“Lovely! Thank you! Yes, come in. I am sure that Julia would be happy to see you.” She pulled the front door open and held it for Cordia. Julia was sitting at the table. She seemed to be sketching something.
Noticing Cordia was there, Julia jumped up in surprise, quickly crossing the room. “Cordia!” she said throwing her arms around her.
Margaret set the bread down on the table. “Cordia’s come to visit you,” Margaret explained. “You should show her your drawings,” and then to Cordia she said, “I have never seen someone who could draw as well as Julia.”
Cordia could see by the few sketches that were spread out over the table that what Margaret said was true. “They’re lovely,” she said, studying them, though they were upside down from her vantage point.
Margaret rested her hand on Cordia’s shoulder. “Have you heard anything from Jaris?” she asked, a look of concern marring her face.
Cordia shook her head and watched his mother's face fall. “I’m sure he will write as soon as he gets a chance,” she said, managing a small, reassuring smile.
Margaret nodded. “Well, I will leave you two girls alone and get back to that porch. It is a never-ending battle against dust around here!”
Cordia sat down at the table next to Julia. “How did you get to be such a fine artist?” she asked the younger girl.
Julia’s face was beaming. “I don’t know. I just always liked to sketch things. Would you like to see?”
Cordia nodded, and Julia carefully picked up each of the drawings lying on the table. “This is my ma and pa,” she explained. “I did this sketch a long time ago. It’s not as good, but it helps me remember how they looked.” Cordia was captivated by the images on the paper. Not only did this young girl do a good job of capturing the expression on her parents’ faces, now Cordia could put the names and faces together of Will’s family. “And this is Nolan,” Julia continued. Funny, he looked almost exactly how Cordia imagined he would. A lot like Will, though a little older, perhaps a little more worn. “And this is Will,” Julia went on. Cordia’s eyes went to the paper; she almost couldn’t believe what she was seeing. There he was before her, that face she had been dreaming about for all of those nights. Her eyes were, once again, looking into his—though it wasn’t quite the same. Still, she had not imagined she would have this opportunity to see his likeness when she had planned her trip earlier that day. Now, it was shaping up to be the best day she’d had in a long time.