Guidance
October 1863
The fireplace blazed away as Cordia sat in the straight-backed chair in her bedroom, her mother brushing out her long plaits of hair, just as she had done when she was a small child. The dressing mannequin across the room was an ominous presence, dressed as it was in the now nearly finished wedding dress. It had been almost two months since she had sent word to Will asking him for his consent to let her disclose their relationship so that she could terminate her engagement to Carey, and yet she had heard nothing. Every day, she stopped by the post office, hopeful that Mr. Wheeler would have some news for her, but each time, he shrugged, reluctantly. Cordia was curious to know whether or not Julia had heard from her brother, but she had been so ill recently, Cordia had scarcely been allowed to visit. The one time she had stopped by a few weeks ago, she hesitated to mention him because Julia was already struggling to breathe, and she didn’t want to upset her.
As Jane ran the brush through her hair, Cordia contemplated bringing up the subject of Carey. Perhaps she could find a way to break off the engagement without mentioning Will at all. Yet, knowing how much her mother wanted this marriage to take place made it extremely difficult for Cordia. She didn’t want to disappoint her mother. Though she wasn’t sure how she would react to knowing Cordia was in love with Will, at least, she thought her mother would have some satisfaction in knowing Cordia wouldn’t die an old maid.
Jane began to braid Cordia’s hair, a sign that she was almost finished, so Cordia decided to broach the subject and feel her mother out. “Mama,” she asked quietly, “Were you in love with Daddy when the two of you got married?”
The brush paused for a moment. “Oh, Cordia, what a strange question,” Jane replied. “Now, don’t you worry about your daddy and me. We may have our differences, but we get along just fine.”
Cordia sighed. “No, Mama, that’s not what I meant at all. I was just curious how you knew he was the one for you.”
“Well,” Jane pondered, “Your daddy was a fairly persistent suitor. He used to come a’callin’ at least once or twice a week. Course, we didn’t court that long before we got married. None of this goin’ on for almost a year like you and Lt. Adams. I believe I loved your father when we first got married. But love is a peculiar thing, Cordia. Sometimes you don’t know exactly what it is at first, and then it begins to grow on you.”
Cordia gave that a bit of thought and realized, if that were truly the case, her mother had no idea what true love really was at all. There had never been a question in Cordia’s mind that she was in love with Will Tucker. She knew that from the very beginning. In a way, she felt a little sorry for her mother. Perhaps, she had married her Jaris. “Mama, I’m just not sure . . .” she began.
But Jane was finished with her hair and had changed the subject. “There you go, darling. You look so beautiful,” she said studying her daughter’s face in the mirror in front of them. “I can’t wait to see you walk down the aisle. You’re going to make the loveliest bride the folks of Barton County ever did see!” Her mother bustled about the room, putting the hairbrush away and tending to the fire. “Now, you get on to bed so you can get some rest. We’ve got a lot of work to do tomorrow for the wedding. It’s less than three weeks away!”
Sighing, Cordia climbed into bed. She could hear the howling wind out her window, and she couldn’t help but feel it was crying out a warning to her. She had less than three weeks to call off a sham engagement to a man she couldn’t tolerate and to find some reason as to why her true fiancé was not responding to her letters. As she lay in her warm bed, she began to think about how much better off she was than the poor troops in their encampments and hoped that Will was sleeping safe and sound, wherever he might be. She was resolved that, in the morning, she would pay a visit to the Adams Farm and inquire as to whether anyone in his family had heard from him. At least, she may be able to answer one of her questions.
The next morning, Cordia was up with the sun, baking a loaf of pumpkin bread to take with her to the Adams Farm. She wished that she could ask Margaret the same question she had asked her mother the night before, as she thought she might receive a more suitable answer; however, considering Cordia had almost married Margaret’s own son, she didn’t feel as though it was a suitable topic for discussion. She was certainly going to find out if Margaret or Julia had heard anything from Will, no matter what suspicions her questions might gather.
The ride out to the farm was a bit chilly. Cordia had her coat wrapped tightly around her. Despite the fact that it was only late October, the weather seemed particularly ferocious already, perhaps a sign of a hard winter to come. If that was the case, she would feel badly for the soldiers out in the field, which made her think of Will. She pulled the wagon in and tied the horses up to the hitching post.
Though it was still rather early in the morning, the Adams family was certainly awake. She could hear the sounds of family chores being performed both inside and outside of the homestead, though she didn’t see any of them from her vantage point. She climbed the porch and knocked on the door, hoping she was not intruding, though she had always felt welcome here.
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