Chapter 118: Disappointment

I sat behind Liam on his motorcycle. I didn't know much about motorcycles brands, but this one was black and thick. It must have weighed a thousand pounds. I held on to his leather jacket as an army of ten men escorted me back to the Ardor Bar.
We pulled into the parking lot. The bikes settled in around us, each cutting their engines until it was silent. The men dismounted their bikes but waited for me. I swung off and waited for Liam.
He turned to my waiting gaze. "I feel like you want to ask me something."
"Can I go to Utah?" I asked.
His face drew down into a deep frown.
"I think Mila took Kezia there. She's going to sacrifice her."
"Beloved, you can't leave us. If you do, we'll be defenseless."
"But Kezia..." I stared up at the imposing orc. He gave me the most pleading look an orc possibly could. I hung my head. "I understand."
He held a hand out for me to lead the way. I walked down the stairs to the double doors into the bar. My group of ten bodyguards followed me only a step behind. The bar was quiet when we came in. It looked like most everyone had moved on for the night either on patrol, home, or standing guard somewhere.
I headed upstairs as quickly as I could, nodding to the few that were left. I needed to be alone. I needed to concentrate. I hadn't had enough time to think, and now I had screwed up royally. I had made our faction look weak because I thought I knew what I was doing, but I really had no idea how strong I was. I had no idea what the fuck I was doing, and now everything was going to fall apart.
I locked myself in my room. I had left Liam down in the bar. Hopefully, he wouldn't look for me. I wasn't sure what exactly I was going to do, but I needed to figure out how to get Kezia away from Mila's claws. That may mean letting Liam down. But he was right; if I left and the other factions attacked, they didn't have anyone here to protect them. I mean, if that elf guy attacked, I might not be able to take him down even if I stayed.
I sifted through the old books scattered around my room until I found one. The spells in it were written in Sanskrit. I think it's where I had seen the spell I needed. Someone really needed to digitize and organize these things. It wasn't like there was an entire book written on summoning, or transforming, or anything. They were just books written by people that either made spells or collected spells, so when you opened it up, it was random.
I flipped through the pages. I still had a few days left before the possible resurrection spell could be performed, but if I didn't figure this out soon, then Kezia was as good as dead. I threw the book across the room. This wasn't a teleport spell, at least not for people. I paced back and forth in my bedroom, trying to think about what to do.
If I could just teleport out to Utah where the major node was, then I wouldn't have to leave the faction for very long. No one would even know I was gone. Demons could teleport. Maybe I convince Natalia somehow. She hadn't shown up since that first time Liam came after me. That felt like a lifetime ago, but it had only been... a little over two weeks? Wow, how my life had changed.
Okay, that could take care of the teleporting thing. Next, once I got there, what was I going to do? The showdown tonight had just made it apparent that even though I thought I had a lot of power, I could still be taken down. That elf guy didn't even have god power like I did. At least I assumed this god power was special and more powerful, but just because I called it god power didn't mean it was.
I sighed and plopped down on the bed. I had enough power to kill my mother. She was some sort of freak out of Limbo, which was like my Lanie half. I had enough power to make Don Archer back down. I had enough power to give Rat Man a good old whack. I didn't have enough power to stand up to elf dude. And if Mila was in charge of The Grange, that meant she had enough power to hold her own against him.
I hung my head. How was I going to go up against the Elf Leader? What was his name again? Did I even get it? Why had I just rushed in there and tried to take them out? I know why. I was power-drunk from my last binge, that was why. I needed someone to put me on a short leash or I was going to hang myself with it.
I fell back in my bed. I needed to talk with that elf guy. I needed to make things right. Maybe if I begged on my knees, he would show me pity. Then perhaps I'd be able to spar against him or talk with him about how to take down the darkness.
A knock came at my door.
"Come in," I called.
The door opened and Liam stepped through. He closed the door behind him then stood looming over me. "Beloved." The way he said it made me feel like I was in trouble.
I propped myself up on my elbows and looked up at him. "I'm sorry. I know. I blew it. I thought I could do what I did the other night and make them back off. I let the power go to my head. From now on, you're the brains and I'm the brawn." I flopped back down on the mattress.
"Beloved..." He hesitated. "I think that is probably for the best."
I looked back up at him. He was agreeing with me. He had been so against being the leader, and now he was agreeing with me. I flopped my arms out to the sides. I had screwed up royally.
"Rest. Tomorrow I will escort you down to the tent. You shouldn't plan anything else on behalf of the Ardor Brothers for now. It will keep you safe."
"I'm sorry."
Liam nodded and left.
I rolled to my side and pulled my knees up to my chest. I felt so lost and alone. I can't believe I was saying this, but I missed my previous life. It was just me looking out for me. This feeling, this disappointment was crushing, and there wasn't anything I could do about it.