Chapter 60: Ah Hell

Lanie

The world rematerialized as a barren wasteland before me. Canyons and pits were filled with torture devices. Cries of pain filled the air, making my whole body shudder. I could see black hooded creatures, horned demons, and tortured souls dotting the landscape. There were lava pits, spikes, and spires with bodies strapped onto them being stabbed repeatedly.

My mouth hung open at the spectacle. It was even worse than what I imagined Dante's Inferno to be. I must have not made it. I didn't even remember dying. I didn't even remember being in pain. My mouth worked at the word, until it came out in a hoarse whisper. "Hell."

Someone released my arms. I couldn't take my eyes from the scene.

"Yes," Remi said at my elbow.

"Am I dead?"

He reached out and turned my face towards him with one hand. He forced me to make eye contact with him. Seeing his face pulled me out of my shock a little. That deep set anger started to flare up.

"You are not dead."

"Why am I here?"

"I had to. I had to get you out of there or you were dead."

I narrowed my eyes at him. "Why save me? You betrayed me before. Why now?"

He face drew down into a frown. His eyes turned sad for a moment. "I knew you wouldn't understand unless you saw. I know you."

My anger started to peak. "Congratulations. You know me. Great, but do you think bringing me to hell is really going to score you any points? We left Kira up there with that... that thing."

He ran his hand through his hair. "Look, down here time is practically meaningless. We could spend years down here and only seconds could pass up there, maybe minutes or days, depending on the cycles, but you can spend an eternity down here without missing any life on Earth."

I put my hands on my hips as I waited for the lecture to continue. I guess if I was only missing seconds on Earth then Kira could wait a few moments. A part of me did want to hear him out, to get some closure from his betrayal. Kira owed me that much.

"This is life after death. This is what they do to souls to make us obey. They break us, over and over. They break our minds and our wills." Tears welled in his eyes along with deep pits of pain.

I wanted to comfort him. I was still angry, but my heart still wanted him. I managed to hold my ground.

"I risked this deal your mother offered so I could be free of this." He pointed around to the desolate landscape. "I want to make my own choices."

"What's the point? You're just going to die again."

"No, I would live. I would live life. I would have a second chance and make the most of it instead of wasting it. If I could live again, I wouldn't make the wrong choices. I could grow up, have a family, fall in love. I could actually have a chance."

My eyebrows furrowed in thought. "How old were you when you died?"

He shook his head. "Seventeen."

"And you ended up a demon?"

"I used to run drugs for a gang. I killed my father for attacking my mother when I was twelve. I got addicted to heroin and died of an overdose. That life was such a waste. But I got to see my charges have different lives. I wanted to live with them. I just want to start over. I wanted..." His words died on his lips as he looked at me.

I waited. When he didn't continue, I said, "You were jealous of them."

He nodded.

"You couldn't just be happy for them and help them through their lives?" I recalled the conversation I overheard between him and Isabell. "Instead you made a deal with my mother and dropped out completely. They're not your charges anymore are they? You just let them die."

"They went to the light."

"You are so selfish. How could you do that?"

"They were going to die anyways."

"You couldn't wait until the end of their life to do that? Let them live before you take away their chance?"

"No, I would have missed..."

"Missed what? You're in such a hurry that you got two hundred charges killed? What could be that important to you?"

"You," he whispered.

I stared at him.

"I would have missed being with you. I wanted to have a life with you. I have been down here in hell for decades, maybe hundreds of years. I have encountered countless souls, first when I was one being tortured and then when I had to do the torturing, but you... Lanie... Kira... You are so unique. I wanted to be with you no matter what it took."

I crossed my arms. "That kind of life is not worth the sacrifice of so many souls."

My mind mulled over how he had said both our names. Remi knew it, too. They weren't both our names, they were both my names. I gritted my teeth in frustration. I hated I was only half a soul.

"Lanie, please understand me. I want to be with you. Everything I do, I do to be with you."

"Even let me die? Isabell almost killed me just now. She's wearing Mila like a suit."

"Look. Things are complicated. Isabell owns my contract. There are certain things I can't say or do. Isa-, "

"Like saving me."

"Well, yes, but you're other half begged me. I couldn't ignore you." His eyes pleaded with me.

"So, what am I supposed to do now? Are you going to help me fight her?"

Remi's eyes dropped. "I can't. I bound by contract."

"What happens if you break that contract?"

"She releases me and I come back here to serve my punishment." His eyes went wild. He dropped on his knees in front of me. "Please, please, I can't do that again."

I took a step back in surprise. "What do you want from me then?"

"Do the binding spell. Join your soul."

I looked down at him. My insides twisted. I was finding it hard to trust him, but maybe it was the idea of binding with Kira. I would lose myself. I wouldn't be me anymore, I would be her. "Why?"

"It's the only way to be strong enough. If you can combine with Kira, then you can become powerful enough to take over my contract. You have the book. All you have to do is the spell."

"And somehow get to Kira and get her to agree."

"She's you," Remi said. "Just trust yourself." He rose to his feet.

"Fine, get me out of here."

"One more thing." His eyes shifted away.

I crossed my arms. "What now?"

"You're going to need help. I'm bound by contract to Isabell, so I can't be reliable up there."

"And where am I supposed to find this help."

He looked down at the ground. "You need Angandriel. Buy his contract. You should have enough power for that. And this." He produced a large gem from his pocket. "I stole it that day when you first met the darkness. I wasn't helping a charge, I was getting this soul gem."

I looked at the glittering peach gem he offered me. It was cut like an egg. The facets sparkled even in the light of hell. I held out my hands and as I accepted it, I could see the light of its power glow from within.

"I knew I would need something to buy my contract with if things went south, so I was saving it until I could convince you. But my contract is too high now and well... Angandriel deserves better masters."

I looked from the soul gem up to him. I couldn't believe this sacrifice. This was his way out and he was just giving it away.

"I'll take you to heaven. Time ticks even slower up there. He can bring you back to get your other self." He took a step closer to me.

My anger was dying on the spot. He really didn't mean to betray me. Isabell had forced him. I was still angry, but I could also see it from his point of view. I didn't step back this time.

He tilted his head down and lifted my chin with one hand. "I'm sorry," he whispered. "I'm sorry for betraying you. I'm sorry for not being able to save you from the darkness, from your mother, or from Juno." A tear trickled down his cheek.

His sweet musky scent along with that campfire smell was filling me. And the sadness on his face was weakening my heart. I set my hand on his chest then grabbed his T-shirt and pulled him to me. I pressed my lips to his. This time I was ready, not like I knew what I was doing, but I was ready. I slipped my tongue in his mouth just like I had seen and movies and read in books. It was fantastic. His tongue was soft and textured as it worked over mine. He felt amazing. His lips sucked and kissed. I followed the motion of his mouth and pressed for more. His hands came up around me, pressing me against his body.

Footsteps came from behind us. He pulled his mouth away only a centimeter.

"Hold still," he whispered.

I stilled. The cold of teleportation washed over me. The landscaped turned to dark empty space and then after a moment to pure white. Remi's hands still held me close. I looked up into his eyes. I wasn't ready for this to be over yet.

"I really am sorry," he whispered. He pressed another kiss to my lips then pulled away from me.

I reached out towards him but disintegrated and his shadows disappeared.