Chapter 37: Trust
I woke in the early afternoon. My mind felt heavy. It took me a long time to fight through it to wake up. I availed myself to a hot shower as I tried to straighten out my thoughts. I needed to confront Lanie about what Mother accused her of. Had she lied to me or was Mother just twisting her words? I leaned my head against the wall as the water ran down my shoulders. I didn't know who to trust. I didn't know what to do anymore. It felt like every move I made was the wrong one. I needed to make a choice.
I dug down deep, replaying Mother's words, Lanie's, and Remi's over in my mind. I even played Angie's... wait Angie.
"Angie," I said, my voice clear in the hot steam of the shower. "Angie," I repeated with force, picturing him in my mind.
"You are not supposed to be able to summon me," his deep angelic voice echoed. I could see his tall muscular frame silhouetted through the shower curtain.
"Shit, it worked," I said.
"You are not dying. And you are naked. I should be going."
"Wait. I need your opinion. You're an angel, so you're supposed to be good, right?"
He cleared his throat. "That isn't really how it works."
"Please?" I begged
"Fine, you have two minutes."
"Who's lying? Mother, Remi, or Lanie?"
"They are all lying."
I frowned. I was expecting that, but hearing it still hurt. "Was my sister dead?"
"She was in Limbo."
"Did my mother kill her?"
Angie didn't answer.
"Please. Tell me what happened."
"I feel like this is interfering."
"And if I die now, will I go to heaven or hell?"
Angie grumbled. "I can't interfere. Look, this is something you need to figure out on your own. I just can't interfere. I can only save your life. Don't call me again."
"Angie? Angie?" I peeked around the curtain. No one was there. I slumped against the cold shower wall. What was I going to do now?
I dried and dressed, taking my time as I let the questions roll through my mind. I had to pick a side. I had to try and find the truth.
I walked down the hall. Lanie still sat at the table. Anton was gone.
"Did you stay up all night?"
She shook her head absently. "I took a nap at some point, but I don't want to stop trying."
I toasted myself an English muffin then sat across from her at the table. I spread the melting butter across its surface as I formed questions in my head.
"Where did I summon you from?"
She looked up from the laptop. Her eyes were tired, but clear. "I was dead."
"So, when you said I traded Mila for you, you meant her life?"
Lanie nodded.
"Did Mother kill you?"
She twisted her lips. "It's complicated. But, in a sense, yes."
"Why?"
"I told you. She was going to sacrifice me to gain power. She was obsessed with it."
"What did you do to her?"
"I separated her mind, soul, and body."
I nodded slowly. "What did she do to you?"
A deep frown set in her face, which was my face. I could see a fear settle in her eyes. "She tried to sacrifice me. My soul was separated from my body and mind. I wasn't completely dead, but I wasn't alive. My mind and soul were in Limbo, but my body was stuck in Utah in a mental institution."
"So, you were crazy?"
She leveled a look at me. "Are you crazy?"
"I fear I might be."
"Me, too," she said with a sigh.
I made a decision. "I saw Mom last night."
Lanie leaned forward. "Really?"
"She wants the book. She told me not to trust you. She said you took all my power."
She scoffed. "I took all your power? I don't need your power. I can get my own." She waved her exposed forearm to me. "Isabell took your power. Maybe she siphoned it to me, but I didn't take it. I'd give it back to you if I could."
"She said she'd bring Mila back."
Lanie face drew down in a sad frown. "Mila can't come back. That's a straight up lie."
"So, you can't bring her back?" I stood abruptly. The chair scraped against the floor as the silence grew between us.
She stared at me. After a long moment, she shook her head. "It's impossible. The soul is destroyed."
"But she said she can bring her back." My voice started to come out squeaky as my anger and fear rose.
Lanie stood. "Look, I'm sorry she promised that, but you're going to find out right and quick, Isabell is a liar and manipulator."
"She said the same about you."
Her voice turned heated. "You know what? Trust whoever you want. I don't have time to convince you one way or the other. I shared my story, now it's up to you to decide." She turned and left.
The door shut with a sense of finality. I was left standing and steaming at the dining table. I still didn't know who to trust. More questions rolled through my mind. I was hoping my interrogation would settle it one way or the other, but I still felt lost. I still felt frozen with indecision.
I looked down at the table with the pink laptop and the open book. Lanie had left the book even after I said Mother wanted it. Was she stupid? Definitely not. Maybe this was her show of good faith. Maybe this was her putting trust in me. That responsibility felt like a heavy burden. The last person to trust me was Mila, and look what happened to her?
I gritted my teeth. I had to do it. I had to make a choice. I had to be responsible, strong, decisive. I had to be better.
I reached down and grabbed the book.
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