Chapter Forty Two

Death sucks.

Numb.

That was how I felt as I sat in one of the wooden chairs, I'm not sure when people began to fill the empty seats. Mandy was by my side giving me words of assurance as I continued crying. They ask me how I'm doing, I was so calm and they were worried.

I was thankful she was here. She had been my backbone since last week my father died. With her by my side, I was able to get through the week without trying to do anything rash. When the priest stands by the casket with his Bible in his hands. As the priest, began to speak I'm consumed by the last moments.

I recalled some moments I spent with my father as a little girl

"Daddy" five-year-old me ran to my father

"Hey, my little princess," he said lifting me onto his lap

"Daddy, I met a new boy at school today. His name is Adrian"

"Really?"

"Yes"

"Tell me what happened with Adrian"

"He came to school for the first time and he was my sitting partner. He offered me some chocolates and I took them. They were really sweet"

"Did you say thank you to him?"

"Yes, I did. I like Adrian, he's such a good boy and I will marry him when I grow up" my father laughed

"What if you don't like him when you grow up?"

"I already like him and he's even a prince. I'm going to marry a prince because I'm a princess"

"Yes baby, you are my little princess and you will always be. I love you"

"I love you too Dad"

"When you marry your prince, I'm going to walk you down the aisle"

"What is aisle?" I asked him

"When you grow up I'll show you what an aisle is"

I wonder if I'll ever come back after today. Something inside of me says not. This place was part of my life, I grew up here so it will always remain a part of me. I had lost my both parents now, my mum a long time ago and my father now I needed him the most. I still didn't want to believe my father is no longer here and he won't walk me down the aisle. This felt like a dream. Lord, please let me wake up from this bad dream. I was brought back to reality when the priest called me to recite my speech. I brought out the paper I had put in the pocket of my black cloth.

The moment I stand next to his casket I realize I can't say any of it. I unfold the note glancing nervously at everyone. I hold the paper tight enough that people won't see how badly my hands were shaking.

"My dad was a........"

I make the mistake of looking up and I met the eyes of Constantine, he was at the back row and he was staring intently at me. I prayed my leg won't give up on me. I look away from Constantine.

"My dad was....." I can do this I kept chanting in my head

"My dad was......." I exhale tearing my eyes off the words on the paper when I feel someone's touch. I have no idea how long I've been standing still stuttering. My eyes land upon my brother Gabe, he removes the paper from my weak grip. I'm so grateful to him at this moment and wraps his arm around me and begins to recite the speech to the crowd. I just took a deep breath

In and out.

In the end, he takes my hand in his as we walk back to our seats. The priest begins to finish the proceeding, reciting passages from the Bible. I turn around when I feel the stares of someone digging into my back. I turn to meet the sharp gaze of Constantine on me. I quickly turn around to face the priest. My brothers dropped their roses on my father's coffin. I retrieve my rose and lay the flower on his casket. My father was put into the ground and it was filled back with sand.

We thanked the priest for officiating the mass, people came to give their condolences. As people kept coming to give their condolences, I slipped out and went to the back. I needed fresh air.

I felt sick, I was feeling dizzy and nauseous, I put my hands on a car to steady myself.

"Are you alright?" a familiar voice said from behind me. I took a deep breath before turning to face him

"I'm alright. Thanks for asking"

"Are you sure? You look pale and sick too. Do you want to go to the hospital?"

"I'm fine" my tone rising "Sorry for shouting. I'm just stressed"

"I understand. Sorry for your loss, I know how much your father meant to you"

"Thank you"

"My parents said I should extend their condolences and they are sorry they can't be here"

"My regards to them"

"Ummm....."

"Eulalia, I've been looking around for you. The priest wants to speak to us" Gabe said before turning to Constantine "Thank you for coming man"

"You're welcome. I'm here if you need anything" he said his eyes filled with worry.

"Thanks. Eulalia when you are through, I'll be waiting for you in front of the church"

"If you need anything do not hesitate to let me know. I promised your father I would take care of you" I scoffed

"You don't need to keep that promise anymore, my father is dead so he won't hold it against you. I can take care of myself perfectly fine and I won't be needing your help or anybody's own" I know I was being rude but I needed to leave here at this moment.

"I'm a man of my words" I walked past him but he held me back "I meant what I said"

I left him there and went to meet my brother.