What am I doing?

I knew it... I knew it... Since the day when I first saw her, I was well aware, she won't just destroy me but will corrupt me too.

And here she did...

Since the time I have started meeting her on regular basis.. I can't even stand a day without seeing her.. It feels like slowly I became addicted to her.... She is a drug to me..

I'm getting more and more hallucinated by her with each passing day.

I threatened her to meet me or else I'll disclose all her sneaking out to William, scared she did everything that I asked.

Which confirmed my first doubt about her that she isn't innocent at all... If she was, she would have slapped me and would have made me leave or could have even told William but she choose to meet me... Which clearly proves that she isn't clean either..


When she came to meet me that day, she was wounded, she lied to me that it was due to an accident, but I knew that it wasn't the case, though I choose to ignore cause I needed to focus on something else.
And damn her expression when she saw her photographs on the wall..
Parted lips, bulging eyes... And pale skin.... All looked as an invitation to me... But I knew better to ignore my craving at that time,even though I wanted nothing more than to devour her beauty but I got to do another important job.

When she asked me about the photographs, I lied to her.... Partial lie.... I was chasing her since so long... True... Very true. .. But cause of love...... Affection...lie... A big . White lie. ....

I did not chased her for affection... Or love ... I chased her cause of hate.... Revenge.... To destroy her for what she did to my family...

But every time I was chasing her...
Her innocence and beauty kept bewitching me..
I felt spell bounded... In her presence... Like I'm feeling now...
Though every time my brain keeps telling me to focus on what I came here for.. But each nerve inside my heart keeps asking me to... Trust her innocence... I'm way more... Bewildered... Than I should be..


Meeting her everyday... Isn't helping me.. Even though I'm trying to execute my plan but it seems like it is back firing...

The first day when we both met, after William was again off for a tour. I kissed her while dropping her back... It wasn't something that was a part of my plan... I did it all because I wanted too..
She was looking enchanting In that blue frock dress..
She is the only girl I have seen who looks angelic without any makeup...
Her beauty looks all natural..
Those plum pink lips.. Those rosy cheeks.. Her pale skin.. All are like a poison to me ,so dangerous but yet I wanna taste em all..

I know I'm getting distracted but I can't help it.. She is getting under my skin..

The way she calls my name, the way she looks at me.. All make me go crazy with desires for her.

This girl is way more than what I thought of her.
Her innocence is bewitching, her beauty is breath taking..

But I know her innocence , her looks ...all are deceptive..
A sheet to cover her true self..

But then why the hell my heart still believes that.. She is pure.. Even after knowing what she did...
Why can't my heart believe that. ?
Why my heart and mind keeps contradicting each other..

Every day when I met her, I found her refreshing and new..
Though her eyes seemed like they are trying hard to hide something..... Something like pain..

I can read her like an open book but still don't know if I should trust her or not.. Looking at her seems like she is pain. Though the moment I try to figure out she puts up a disguise.

I don't even understand myself anymore now... Why the hell do I wanna figure her out... All I have to do is revenge on her and leave.. Then why the hell am I even trying to understand her pain ..

And I should better know.. She is way too cunning. She married William for his wealth and now she is trying to play me to fulfill her desires.. By deceiving me with her innocence..
She is not in any pain... William chased her for so long, he must be keeping her like a queen, she isn't in any pain... It's all just her game..
But when in the morning I called her after William was back.. She came and it seemed like she almost sneaking out .. Why? . She came rushing towards me and fumbled a little..

She looked a little restless and worried.. Why? Hell why can't I stop caring about what ever the hell she thinks or is feeling .

But she was looking, all heavenly and refreshing as always in her yellow sundress, which was making me go all bonkers in need of her.. I just wanted to lock her in a room with me forever, and never let her go..
The thought that she shares her life, her night her bed with William was suffocating me...
Damn it... What am I doing...?
When was the last time I was drooling over a girl like this...? Never... I never drooled over any girl.. I could easily get who so ever I wanted... But this eighteen years old is making me go crazy.. The first two times when I kissed her was enough to make me go all crazy.. Although kissing her clarified one thing that she hasn't been kissed properly...


Damn it... I need to focus on my plan...
I asked her to come with me as I was about to take her to new park..
In all these times I have learnt a lot about her.. She Loves to be in the lap of nature.. Doesn't likes closed and confined place. And what surprised me was her compassion..
A girl with such a dark motives is compassionate.. How..?

The way she cared about, the animals in the park was adorable..
She even spotted a beggar on roadside for whom she used to bring something to eat everyday.
These little little things were making her more desirable and making me go out of control.

But when I asked her to come with me , I could sense the reluctance, so before she could say anything, I dragged her gently inside the car.. And started driving but what she said next made me committ a blunder that I want to regret but I know I will not.

I totally lost my focus and did something which I wasn't supposed to.. My plan was to make her fall for me, not the other way around..
My plan was to destroy her slowly but she was destructing me gradually. I was getting lost in those golden brown eyes..
My whole plan back fired... I was not supposed to touch her... She was the only girl who was forbidden for me.. I was just here to revenge her but now I guess I'm gone way to far.

Her saying that I Should have asked her before dragging her to somewhere on my own. It right but annoying, I know if I would have asked, the answer definitely was a no ... I don't have any idea what has actually happened with her that she was refusing, which is something she never does..
But I wanted to take her with me... I had to execute my plan of making her fall for me.. And for that I need to spend more and more time with her... But somehow it was working the other way around..

And when she said that she isn't dressed properly. And isn't ready to go anywhere...
Bloody hell, to me she is perfect in every form... And she really was looking so beautiful.
And then I decided to tell her how she is looking but our conversation took another turn..

I slowly tilted on her side and captured her lips in mine.. She didn't protested.. There was my clue to continue.
I should not be doing this.. This is wrong... But why the hell it feels right..

Every single touch of her body was igniting the passion inside me..
The desire to have her crossed all the oblivion... And I along with her dived deep into the moment .

Slowing discovering each other and loosing ourselves in each other.
.
I could feel her, sense her.. She was too feeling the same passion as me ..

But what does this mean.... What the hell I did...?
I should not have ... But now I was gone past the point of return...
Now the question is what the hell will I be doing after this ?