Is the pain worth..?

She thought that I would hit her... Does she thinks so low of me.? Is she still doubting my intentions?
The way she flinched when I grabbed her hair was making it quite evident that, she thought I’ll hit her. The thought of hurting her in anyways is abhorrent for me, hitting her is a far cry. But the fact that she thought I’ll hit her was heart breaking.
When I entered her room, I saw her furiously jumping out of the bed, which was enough to make me realize that she is already aware of it.. While she was jumping out of her bed due to tiredness she stumbled. Before she could hit the ground, I caught her in my arms, but she slapped me ,on top In front of Rita which raged me to hell, I could see from the corner of my eyes how Rita gasped when liz's hand landed on my cheeks. I grabbed her hair to warn her never to do that again. But the fear her eyes were holding was screaming out loud that she thought I’ll hit her. I was despondent by her reaction, though her action were justified, from hitting me to being scared.
Her hitting me was absolutely fine because of what I did.. Regardless of the fact that she too wanted to get rid of that child I should have asked her before doing anything, I was only raged cause she slapped me without even allowing me to explain and in front of Rita.
Her being afraid of me was also justified cause the way I grabbed her would have looked like I was about to hit her.. But she should have at least this much of trust in me that no matter what I’ll never ever lay my hands on her.. Never.. The only time I did was to save her life.
Slowly releasing her hair.. I looked into her eyes which were teary and was still showing the sign of fear..
“ How could you even think that I’ll hit you..”I said... In a low voice feeling dejected by her action..
“how can I not... You were about to... You have done it before.. You have hurt me a lot of times.. And now... Now.. You didn’t even bothered to ask me... Before taking out a part of my body... What gave you the right to do so... Who gave you the right to do so...?”
Damnit.. She started shouting at me.. Pushing me back.. With her hands.. I thought that she’ll at least allow me to explain... But no.. Man.. She was way to angry..
“ liz... I’ll never hurt you. . Not intentionally... You know that.. Don’t you.. And about that... Liz... I’m sorry.. Anyways why does it even matter... You too didn’t wanted that child.. So what is the difference... It is gone now....”
I said.. Holding her hands in order to stop her from pushing me anymore..
But damn man.. The way she looked at me.. The disgust in her eyes was palpable..
She jerked her hands off from my grip..
“ just listen to your self.... How pathetic you sound... Do you have any idea... What you are saying...? Of course I didn’t wanted that child.. But It was for me to decide. If I wanted to keep it or leave it. Not you.. It was a part of me... How can you do that?.. Of course that child is of someone whom I hate so much.. But that child was innocent... How could you kill that innocent creature for the crime he hasn’t committed... How can you devoid me of something of my own.... How?....” and screaming she broke into sobs... And slowly dropped to the ground...
All crying ,she was sitting at my foot. Holding her knees with her hands she puddled on the ground... But what caught my attention was her words... Did she really wanted to have that child... Did she wanted a part of demon with her...?
Dropping on the ground, I gently took a hold of her chin.. Making her look straight at me..
“ Do you really regret it... Liz... Did you really wanted to have this child..?”I asked her in a low voice.. Hoping that she doesn’t replies with something that can break me into piece’s..
“It’s not what I wanted... But what you did... You don’t have any rights to control or claim me like that.. I know that he was a part of the demon... So are you..... That child wasn’t guilty... And more over... He was a part of me to.. So it should have been me to decide... What the hell I wanted to do with the child not you...”
Slapping my hands away, from her chin... She again barked at me...
It was eating me alive to see the affection in her eyes for the devils child... And what the hell did she just said... I’m also a part of him..
May be he is my father... But I don’t have his brutal traits... But when I put it like that.. It makes me more guilty of killing that unborn soul... But... I don’t want anything on or in her body... Which is related to him.. . I hate his wicked claim on liz..
“ liz... I can’t bear anything of him in or on you... It was his part... I can’t endure the suffering... Of watching you carrying his blood instead of mine.. I love you more than anything... And this is unacceptable for me.... To watch you with him.. Carrying his child... I can’t liz... I can’t.. I accept that what I did was wrong... But I don’t regret it... I would do it again.. If I had to... You are mine liz... Mine...”
Standing up on my feet... Pulling my hairs... I screamed the words at her.....
She gasped at my words.. And was looking me like I have grown horns.. But again she started sobbing and said something that made me realize why she was actually this upset ...
“How am I any different from him.!.. I’m way worst than him.!. I killed my own blood!.. I’m a bloody murder..!” she said still sitting on the ground and sobbing...
Getting down on my knees I hugged her.. This time she didn’t pushed me away instead wrapped her arms around me and cried out loud....
I allowed her to cry.. To let the pain get out of her system....
Then slowly I guided her to bed.. Still caressing her back.. And telling her that.. She is not like him... She didn’t did anything wrong... If someone is wrong here it is William... And if anyone is to blamed for that child.. Then it’s me... She is innocent... And was always...
Guiding her back to bed.. I tucked her in.. Cause her body needs rest after the operation..
After laying her down.. I took a seat on the bed beside her..
She still was sobbing.. I kept brushing her hair.. And did not tried to stop her from crying.. She needs it... She needs this to heal and get back stronger than ever..
I don’t remember when I dozed of from tiredness cause I too haven’t slept since last two days.. Cause I had a lot to do..
From sending Emma to rehab to calling the doctor and asking her to do the abortion...that doctor was a pure headache for me.. It took me an hour to convince her to get the job done.. After that I was hell worried about liz.. That I could not sleep for whole of the time while she was unconscious... These two days have been the hardest for me... But all the pain is worth if she is the one who is concerned.
I slept for long after two days.. Sleeping beside her was heaven, having her in my arms was so peaceful but she still was sobbing, even in her sleep.. I did not disturbed her and for once I allowed her to vent every poison out of her system.
Cause when we will wake up... It’ll be a new day.. A new start to our journey... Our life.. Cause I’ll never ever hurt her again and would kill anyone who tried to hurt Alizeh...
But is it that simple as it looks...?. Cause....
The storm was yet to come.....