Chapter 138 - I want to talk

EMMA

A cold breeze creates goosebumps on my arms and I cross them over my chest. I removed my sweater and it’s currently lying on my bed. My fingers trail the edge of my bandage but I don’t dare to pry it away.

Carter steps out of the house next door and his eyes widen a little when he sees me. He quickly averts his gaze. He places a similar crate in the car before he moves back into the house next door. There’s an edge of nervousness coming from him that has me frowning.

Carter is easy to read. Whether it's anger, suspicion, or fear, it’s all visible in the expressions that he can’t hide. *He knows more.*

The familiar scent of smoke hits me. The smoke combines with the air around me and it itches in my throat. It’s the smoke of cigarettes. I follow the trail coming from the alley.

The alley beside the house is dark as it’s hidden from sunlight. The air is even colder and a shudder shakes through my body. I slowly walk to the end and keep my steps quiet when I hear Dex talking in the backyard.

“Is everything ready for tonight?” He asks. There’s a lack of his usual charm. I walk up to the corner and halt when Dex comes into view. He’s standing a few feet away from the house. He takes an inhale of his cigarette and the wind blows the smoke towards the alley when he exhales. I stay rooted at the corner and I try my best to keep quiet. I can’t see who he’s talking to.

“We’re filling up the cars now,” Carter says.

Dex exhales again and more smoke enters the alley. “And Ben?”

“Almost done,” Carter says. His voice tapers off with uncertainty.

“Good,” Dex mumbles in response, but there's sadness in his voice. I can see it in the rare downturn of his mouth. “Make sure he takes a break. We can’t have him making any mistakes.”

I don’t hear Carter’s response and I lean closer to the wall. Dex is standing several feet into the backyard and he casts his sad gaze towards the house next door. *My room?*

“What about Emma?” Carter asks. I jump when I hear my name. I fear that they have found me lurking here, but notice quickly enough that this isn’t the case. I shoot a quick glance behind me, but the alley is empty except for me.

“She’s staying here, she needs to heal,” Dex says with strain and resolution. “I don't want her to get hurt.” His concern sounds sincere.

I ball my fist against the wall. Whatever is happening tonight, I’m not staying behind.

“Was she mad?” Carter asks.

There’s a moment of silence before Dex answers. “Yeah.” There’s sorrow in his voice. “She’s hiding it, but I can tell.”

Of course I’m mad, I’m furious even. He sedated me and had someone operate on me to remove my mark. What did he think would happen?

I watch his sadness. The grief and pain is hard to fathom. I try to see things from his perspective like Kelsey said, but it’s hard when my heart is screaming in anger and pain.

“Do you think she’ll forgive you?“ Carter asks.

Dex grimaces and shrugs. “We’ll be fine.” There’s the same hard conviction in his voice as when he speaks of the mission.

I hold back a scoff and have to remind myself to keep my head cool. I rest my back against the wall and lean my head on the cool brick. I have to find out his plan and I have to find Hadrian. Like Alex said *‘We all have to go through things we don’t want, but we have to do whatever it takes.’*

After a moment, the voices stop and the smoke diminishes. I peek around the edge of the wall because my curiosity is getting the better of me. I’m surprised to find Dex sitting hunched over on the grass with his hand in his hair. His shoulders are slumped and he seems defeated.

He moves his hands to rub his palms into his eyes. The sadness I heard in his voice is clear in his whole demeanor. I have a hard time watching because I almost feel bad for him. I don't want to, but maybe there’s a way we could talk about this whole situation and figure something out.

“Dex,” I say as I walk into the backyard.

He turns his head and watches me approach with surprise. “Emma?” His eyes are red from strain and exhaustion. The weariness pulls the life out of his skin. “What are you doing here? You should be in the infirmary.”

“I want to talk,” I say as I cross my arms. I’m aiming for steadfast and undeniable, pretending to be sure at the very least.

Dex moves his eyes over me and my surroundings and his surprise turns into suspicion. “How long have you been standing there?”

“Long enough,” I say honestly. Maybe I can explain to him that Hadrian is on our side and completely supporting the mission. It doesn’t have to go this way.

“What do you want to talk about?” There’s caution and for once he doesn’t make a move towards me.

“Where’s Hadrian?” I know that I won’t get an answer the moment I say the words. I think a part of me will always hope to resolve things peacefully.

Like I should’ve expected immediately, Dex grimaces at the mere mention of Hadrian. “Somewhere where he cannot hurt anyone.”

“So you admit you have him locked up?”

Dex pushes himself off the ground and agitation is clear in the deep rise and fall of his chest. “Of course I have him locked up. He’s a giant werewolf. I’m not going to let him roam free.”

“Hadrian is not going to hurt anyone.” I try to plead.

My pleas seem to fuel his anger. Dex swings an arm toward the house. “Have you spoken to anyone today? People were terrified.”

I swallow. “I know, but he can help us.” How do I convince him that Hadrian isn’t the bad guy here? I'm constantly reminded that I'm arguing for the wrong side of the war.

“I know he made you believe that.” Dex moves towards me and he places his hands on my arms. There’s concern now and his eyes shift towards my shoulder.

Doctor Harold physically removed my mark, but I can't say that I feel any different. Maybe Dex is starting to realize this too.

“What about what you said to Carter? You’re just going to leave me behind?” I ask to pull his attention away from any realizations he might have. I need him to think that the surgery worked. I don't want to risk him killing Hadrian.

His eyes shift back to mine. “I was going to talk to you about that.” He sighs and runs a hand through his hair. “You need to heal, Emma.”

Doctor Harold must not have told him about my healing ability. I don’t know why he decided to keep it to himself. If I would suspect one person to stab a knife in my back, then it would be Doctor Harold. But maybe the most obvious isn't always true.

Dex brushes his thumb over my skin and his frigid touch settles in my bones. “I don’t want you to get hurt.”

A cold breeze blows over my bare arms. The sun has moved behind the clouds and cast our surroundings in shadows. It absorbs the color of the grass and the backyard instantly seems more grim.

Dex notices my shiver. His concern takes over from any caution. “Come inside, I don’t want you to get cold.”

I have been staying outside in the alley long enough to cool down my body. He guides me inside with one hand on my arm but it only intensifies the shivers.

“You’re shivering.” He says and rubs my arm, but his cold touch only seeps further into my bones. “Come, I have blankets.”

Dex guides me to the sofa, but it’s shattered with documents and maps. I recognize the map of Sanguinem.

“You can sit anywhere you want.” He says with an awkward chuckle as he clears some of the paper away.

“I was just packing.” He moves the documents and maps from the sofa to the small coffee table in front of it.

He stacks everything in an uneven pile and places a journal on top to keep it together.

I take a seat on the sofa and Dex reaches over me for one more document. I instinctively lean back when he comes closer. Dex frowns when he notices my unease.

“You should take it easy,” Dex says as he places the last document on the coffee table. He shows his concern and it seems all genuine, but I haven’t forgotten what he’s done. He’s trapped Hadrian and he had my mark removed. There’s a hatred simmering in my stomach that I suppress.

“Have you seen my brother?” I keep my voice even and my emotions in check.

Lucas started to act strange before the wedding. Kelsey said that it happened after he visited the silversmith. He was on edge and out of nowhere he started to panic. She hasn’t seen him since.

“Kelsey said he didn’t come home last night.” I elaborate.

Dex places his hands in his pockets and resumes a laid-back posture. “Yeah, he offered to bring the flowers to the nearby cemetery. He didn’t want them to go to waste.”

My blood freezes and I swallow. “That’s very thoughtful.” My heart starts to thump at a racketing pace.

“I thought so too.” Dex chuckles and there’s no hint of deceit in his demeanor. “I’ll get you those blankets.” Nothing tells me that he might be lying.

But I know that it’s a lie. Lucas is allergic to most flowers. He would never voluntarily surround himself.