Chapter 20 - The pain will only rise

HADRIAN

Heat explodes from my core and spreads out to the rest of my body. I don’t know what’s happening to me. I don’t want to shift within the palace walls, but Nero is giving me little choice. I cannot stop it, only delay it.

Nero has lost control and urges me to go back to our rooms. Back to our mate. I stumble through the halls and the staff gives me fearful looks. I push myself out of the private exit to the gardens to avoid more looks. My hands grip hard around the stone edge of the wall and I can hear the marble crack under my fingers. I’m losing control and I know it.

*“What the hell is going on?”*

Nero only growls at me once I step outside. I don't have the power to stop it anymore. My bones snap and bring me to the ground. My body transforms and the fabric of my clothes tears from my growing form. The sound of ripping cloth fills the air. I hold back a roar to avoid any attention on myself, but it’s hard. The transformation is as painful as the first time.

I catch my breath when the transformation is complete. Nero is going wild in my head and forces me to turn back to our mate. I push our paws into the grass instead and charge towards the dark forest. I need to get as far away from the palace as possible. Every step I take away from the palace feels like needles digging into my paws, but I’ve endured pain before and can do it again.

Nero isn’t responding to my calls. Something is consuming him and he cannot hear me anymore. I’m worried. This has never happened before. Nero has always been the most level-headed of us. But when I marked the human, Nero went feral.

It took everything inside me to not take her hard against the bathroom wall. That would have been brutal for the human, it probably already was. I feel sick to my stomach at the pain I caused her, while it gave me that much pleasure. Pleasure I didn’t even know was possible. Just thinking about how tight she felt around me makes me almost turn around.

I have to know what’s going on and there is only one person I trust.

I run a large circle around the kingdom, hoping to gain control back and shift back to my human body. Nero starts to calm down after a few hours when our steps bring us closer to the palace again. I ignore the guards we pass in the dark forest and at the entrance of the city. I don’t take the road back to the palace but turn into the streets of the outer ring of the city. Nero pushes me to follow the road to the palace and see our mate, but I ignore him.

The streets of the outer ring of the city are dirty and the cobblestones are loose and crooked beneath our paws. I swallow down the guilt that I feel every time I’m here. The people from the inner circle don’t come to this part of the city, they don’t see the struggles of the citizens who live here. Curtains close in a hurry when I stride past the windows. I can see fear in their eyes before they hide away.

The sky is pitch-black and the clock of the clock tower strikes eleven-thirty. The stars are brighter in the moonless night. I reach a small square and across from it stands a small restaurant with green window frames. Above the door hangs a sign with faded letters that says ‘The Golden Dawn’.

Outside the restaurant are two wooden tables with wooden seats. On one of them sits my uncle, Gaius. He is alone this time. His green eyes are emotionless as he watches me as I cross the square with heavy paws. His hair is greyer than it was last time and his beard has grown out. The square is empty except for us.

I shift back into my human form. We sink down on our paws and Nero growls at me. I heave deep breaths when my body eventually changes back. The cobblestones dig into my hands and knees. I’m naked and struggling on the streets with heaving breaths and I know I look weak. I wait for judgment, but it doesn’t come.

“Are you not going to say anything?” I say with my eyes still on the ground.

Gaius hums and I ball my fists onto the ground. “Are you hungry?” He asks.

“That’s it? That’s all you have to say after all these years?” I bark and I look up.

Gaius stays stoic. “There’s nothing else to say, Prince Hadrian.”

Uncle Gaius always calls me by my full name, never just Hadrian. He’s the one who doesn’t have to, but always does.

I frown. “I thought you’d be angry at me.”

Two years ago, I was a captain in the army and I wanted to become a General. It was expected of me to become a General. There are only five places and I would have done anything to rise to the position where I am now. Uncle Gaius was a General at that time and was discharged when I took over his seat. He could’ve lived in the inner circle, like a royal, but he chose to take his distance and opened a restaurant in the outer ring.

I was sure he blamed me.

“Holding on to anger will only weigh you down, Prince Hadrian,”

I sit up and he throws me a pile of clothes. Fated jeans and a black T-shirt. It has been years since I’ve worn something so casual. And now it’s the second time in a week. The clothes fit me perfectly and I wonder if Gaius knew I would come here.

“Come inside, you’ll feel better after you eat something.”

My stomach growls and I follow my uncle into the small restaurant. I have to duck to pass under the doorframe. The restaurant is filled with the scents of different herbs. I smell basil, rosemary, and oregano, but also sweeter scents of vanilla, orange and cinnamon.

It doesn’t take long before I’m seated in a wooden chair that is too small for me, hunched over a bowl of beef stew with potatoes, vegetables and freshly baked bread. I eat everything till the last crumb and I hardly notice the fact that my knees don't fit under the table.

My uncle is watching me and I probably look like a cave dweller, with my disheveled hair and lack of table manners. I’m a big guy and I eat a lot. Moreover, I’ve exerted a lot of energy over the past few hours.

The place is quiet and neither of us speaks. The only sound comes from the metal spoon touching the bottom of the ceramic bowl. Nero is howling inside my head and I grip my fingers harder around the spoon. I take a deep breath to keep my composure. Ignoring his howls physically hurts me.

“Nero is troubling you.”

I look up and find Gaius still watching me as he sips his drink.

“How’d you know?”

“You’re breathing is off and you had trouble shifting.” He states.

I drop the spoon on the empty plate. My jaw feels tight as my teeth grit together. “Nero is acting strange around this human and I cannot figure out why.”

“She’s your mate.”

I shake my head. “No, she’s not.”

Just because I marked her doesn’t make her my mate. I only chose her because my father wanted me to. She means nothing to me. Nero just needs to see that too.

“I don’t want anything to do with her,” I say and Nero howls louder in my ear.

“Nero won’t see the difference unless you find your fated mate. Running away won’t solve anything, Prince Hadrian. The pain will only increase until it’s unbearable..”

“Why would I listen to you? When things got hard, you ran away. A real General would have fought for his place and accepted the duel.”

The sad look in his eyes hits me in the chest and my muscles start to vibrate. That heat builds in my core again. I need to move before I shift into the tiny restaurant.

“I shouldn’t have come here. This was a mistake.” I stand up and the chair scrapes over the wooden floor planks. The noise is painful and grating to my ears.

I run out of the city as far away from the palace as I can get. I just have to stay away from her. Nero will realize that she’s not our true mate and things can go back to normal again.