CHAPTER 25: It’s Complicated

GABRIEL’s P.O.V.

The next morning, I decided to visit Claire. Finally, after I came right in front of their house, I met her cute little sister that she’s telling me about. It was Alexa who opened their small apartment door.

“Who are you?” she asked in a serious tone of her voice.

I looked at her cute face, staring from her head down to her toe. One of her eyebrows are raising, and her hands are right in front of her chest.

“Who are you, mister? And what do you want from us?”

I was about to say something when someone cut off our supposed to be first ever conversation. The voice came from an old man... More like from Claire’s father. He’s pushing himself on a wheelchair, surprised to see me for the very first time.

“Alexa, who’s this? And why are talking to a stranger?”

“I don’t know him, Dad.”

“I’m sorry...” I started. “I guess I need to formally introduced myself now. I’m Gabriel Elizar, one of your sister’s high school friend. Claire, Claire Braganza. That’s her name, right? I dropped her off here yesterday so I’m pretty sure that she lives in this place.”

Their Dad nodded, before he motioned me to come inside while Alexa is still looking at me in confusion.

“Come, and take a sit. Claire is still asleep. Alexa, please wake up your sister now.”

“Sure,” Alexa stated, looking like someone just forced her to do something that is against of her will.

By the looks plastered upon her tiny face, I instantly knew that she doesn’t like me. After a few moments of exchanging some awkward glances to Claire’s father, he finally said a word, making the nervous feeling in my chest to faded away in an instance.

“Claire! You’re awake. You have a visitor,” he said, motioning his daughter to come over our direction.

I turned my gaze towards Claire, who’s now walking very slowly. I smiled, and I saw her try to do the same thing. At least I could see some development in here. She sat beside her Dad who’s now currently drinking his milk.

“I’ll leave you two alone to talk,” he stated before pushing his own wheelchair away from us.

“Why are you here?” Claire frankly asked me, and I couldn’t deny the fact that I got hurt and surprised at the same time by that.

“Whoah. Seems like you don’t want me here... I just want to know if you’re fine now.”

“Whatever it is that Dad told you about, please don’t believe it.”

“He didn’t say anything to me. Why, Claire? Do I have something to know about?” I asked, as if challenging her.

She look away, annoyed.

“What do you want?” she asked coldly.

“I’m here to bid my final good bye to you... And also to Kate. I’m going back abroad. Whatever it is that happened before, please forgive me... I ruined your friendship... I’m very sorry, Claire.”

I don’t know why I said that, but that statement is pretty much half true and half lie. True because yes, there is a huge possibility that I’m going to come back abroad after our reunion and lie because I still don’t know when is that going to happen.

“You are forgiven,” she stated, emotionless.

“That doesn’t sound like forgiveness.”

“Oh please, Gab. Just tell me what you really want.”

“Proved to me that you already forgave me. ’Cause I can’t bare my conscience anymore if I went back abroad without apologizing to you and to your bestfriend.”

“And how exactly do you want me to prove it?”

“Let’s go out together.” She laughed bitterly.

“Why, Gab? Is my words isn’t enough for you to believe in me?”

“I do believe in you... But I still couldn’t forgive myself for ruining something special to you before...” I looked down.

Though I caught her bit her lower lip, trying to analyze what’s the next thing she will going to do.

“Please, Claire...” I almost pleaded.

“Fine. Just one day and promised me that you’ll believe after that.”

“Fine.”

We shook our hands as I sign of a closed deal. Then I waited for her to finish preparing herself for a long day ahead. After that, I decided to bring her to the coffee shop nearby our old school hoping that she could reminisce some stuffs about us right there. But to my dismay, she looked very bothered and she haven’t even notice where we are right now.

“What are you thinking?” I asked while parking my car at the small open ground outside of a coffee shop.

“Nothing. Let’s just get this over with,” she coldly answered.

“Fine.”

And with that, we entered into the shop to have something to eat. I don’t want to be called like I was some kind of a freak but I just can’t stop myself from staring at her face.

“Do you mind looking away from me?” she sarcastically said, and I blushed out of embarrassment.

“Sorry. I just... I can’t help it.”

“Gab... I already told you this before. We’re only friends. Nothing more, nothing less. But you are still pushing it. Look at what happened to me and my bestfriend... Now Kate and I aren’t even talking to each other anymore. And she loathed me so much to the point that she’ll do anything to prevent me from being happy...”

“I’m sorry... I didn’t know that I could ruin your friendship that time that I decided to confess to you.”

She stare at me for a moment, as I bow my head as a sign of apology. She just nodded before giving me a thrifty smile. I just did the same and we started helping ourselves with the delicious foods on our table.

After we ate, I told her that I still wanted to walk around somewhere else. So I brought her to a park, another different park. Not the place that Darren and she often went before. I knew that Claire doesn’t even like the idea of bringing another man to their place.

I felt her shuddered as I reached for her hand, trying to make a move. She tried to avoid it, but I only tightened my grip more causing her to give up and just looked at me with a furious expression plastered upon her face.

“What are you doing?” she asked.

“Claire... I know that it’s all my fault that your friendship with Kate was now broken... But... I can’t help it. I’m still in love with you, Claire. After all these years. I came back to this country only for you to see that I’m the right man for you. Can’t you see? I’m still chasing you, Claire. Why can’t it be me?”

She looked at me, confused. Maybe she’s wondering what I really wanted from her. If I wanted a closure, or if I wanted to get her instead. It was definitely the last one, of course.

“I’m sorry, Gab. I’m still not into you.”

“Why?!” he anxiously asked. “Am I not enough? I may not be as rich as Darren but I can be the man you deserve.”

“That’s exactly the reason, Gab. It’s Darren. I’m already married so I cannot love you back anymore.”

“You two are not married.”

She was shocked, silently processing my words in her mind.

“You’re hilarious. Of course we are!” she denied.

“Fucking no! I already knew about it, Claire! So please, just please... Stop lying to me and tell me the truth. Do you love that guy?!”

“How did you knew about it?”

I closed my fist, ignoring her last question.

“That’s not important anymore. Just answer my question, Claire.”

I put my hands on her shoulder while looking at her straight in the eyes. She looked away, avoiding my gaze as she tried to suppress her tears. But she couldn’t hold it anymore, for she have already started crying.

“I do... Even if he don’t feel the same way about me, Gab. I do love him.”

I looked at her unbelievably before shaking my head. I couldn’t believe her response. I mean, how can she still love a guy who just hurt her yesterday? When did she started to became a martyr woman?

“Fuck no.”

I kissed her roughly, hoping that this one simple action will magically change her mind. After a few seconds, Claire maybe finally realized what is happening to us before she started pushing me away from her body.

“Stop it, Gab!” she shouted right in front of my face.

My tears started streaming down to my cheeks, for I knew for a fact that I will never be chosen by her.

“Why not me, Claire? I’ve been loving you since high school. Why can’t you just do the same?” I asked melancholically.

“Gab... I’m sorry...”

She managed to raised and put her trembling hands to my shoulder. And somehow, that simple action of her eased the unbearable pain in my chest. I am currently crying, and I knew for a fact that it was all because of her. The woman that I love... Is also the first woman who broke my heart and hurt me a lot.

“I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings... I just... I can’t love you back. I befriended you before because I wanted you to be close to my bestfriend. I always wanted Kate to be happy...”

“How about me, Claire? Did you ever asked me what makes me happy?”

She swallowed a lump, looking at me straight in the eyes before apologizing once again.

“I’m so sorry, Gab.”

“Well I guess that life is really that unfair... I came back here for you... But there’s no point in staying here right now after you finally told me the truth. That you love your fake husband...”

She burst out into tears, hearing my statement, I guess. I instantly feel guilty, not considering her feelings at the very first place.

“Hey...”

Now it’s my turn to look at her with pity in my eyes. I swallowed a lump, before I wrapped my hands securely around her to embrace her tightly.

“Love hurts, isn’t it? Why can’t we just get what we wanted? Why do we have to suffer like this?”

Those questions of mine are the things that I keep on asking myself ever since the very beginning. Why can’t it be just like that? Why does love have to be so complicated?

“Come on... I’m taking you home,” I stated, finally giving up.

She nodded at me, before letting me help her hopped inside of my car. This is it. I should stop pursuing her now that I already know her real feelings. I should just let her be happy with the man that she love... And I should just watched them secretly from afar while hurting inside. I think it’s time... It’s time to finally let her go, and just accept the fact that she will never be mine, ever.