CHAPTER 30: Loving Him

EREVELL’s P.O.V.

“But Mom! I want to see him! Just this time, please!” I complained.

Mom ran her palms along her face, before saying anything.

“You can’t, Erevell. Today is the day that the doctors are going to announced the results of your test. What if... You can’t go, Erevell,” she firmly stated.

“Gab is finally home... He texted me yesterday!” I complained, trying to convince her by showing her my bestfriend’s message.

“You can go the next day... Just, not now.”

I clenched my fist, suppressing myself to burst out into tears. She should let me go. I mean, I should enjoy every single day of my life... For I may not be able to witnessed another day just like what she said.

“What if there is no tomorrow, Mom? What if there won’t be next day?!” I shouted right in front of her face.

Her eyes widen, before raising one of her hands to slap me. But I didn’t even blink. I just waited for her palms to land on my face. But it didn’t happen. Her hands are still up in the air, tears starting to stream down in her face.

“I didn’t endure almost two decades of taking care of you just to be treated like this, Erevell... Can’t you see how hard I tried and I keep on trying just to save your life?!” she burst out.

“I didn’t asked you to do it, Mom... If you’re already getting tired of me... Then you should have just let me die and enjoy your life...” I stated, numbly.

“How could you? How can you say that, Erevell?! You’re the most precious thing that I ever had in my whole life... I can’t bear to loose you... So please, help yourself too. I can’t fight this all alone,” she pleaded, tears in her eyes.

I gulped several times, as tears started to stream down on my face as well. I’m nearly giving up, for I know that I’m slowly loosing my life. Cancer is... It’s cruel. I thought it’s already gone after my lung transplant and finishing my chemotherapy. I thought I just need to stay healthy and take care of this new pair of lungs for me to have a long life... But it came back, and now I’m slowly dying.

“Erevell... Please understand your situation. If you thought that you wouldn’t survive this, then think again. Because if it’s me... Even if there is just a little chance of you surviving and having a normal life after all of this, I’m still taking the chance. I’m still going to hope for the best... So please...”

Hope? It was completely gone from my system ever since the day that I found out that my cancer came back. I knew that all of this is going to happen someday. And I wasn’t wrong. I knew it from the very start. I just... I wasn’t prepared for this one to happened.

“You’re only saying that because you’re not the one in my condition.”

She gasped, before sobbing several times. I wanted to comfort her, and apologize. But I shouldn’t. Mom should hate me... She should, so right after I die, it would be easier for her to move on. Until someone knocked onto my door, and Mom quickly opened it up for them. It was my doctor.

“Good morning, doctor,” Mom stated as she tries to compose herself.

“Good morning, Mrs. Smith. I’m here to reveal the result of Erevell’s test...” The doctor looked at me with pity in his eyes.

I took a deep breath, preparing myself to received a slap from the harsh reality. I’m dying, and I know it.

“She’s...” He trailed off, as if he doesn’t want to say it right in front of my face. Say it! I’m dying, right?

“What is it?” Mom asked, cutting the suspense.

“We did everything that we can, Mrs. Smith. But sadly, we couldn’t see any improvement that is happening inside of her body. The cancer cells spread wider than we expected, and it’s now causing complications to her different organs. Thus, it’s slowly killing your daughter, Ms. Smith. I’m afraid that we couldn’t take another operation for she may not be able to survive it.”

“So what are you saying?!” Mom asked hysterically.

“I’m sorry, Mrs. Smith. We couldn’t do anything about your daughter anymore. Some medications may only caused her body to... Fail earlier than we expected.”

“So... You’re saying that this is it? You’re just gonna let her die?”

“I’m very sorry, Mrs. Smith. I’m only saying that you should just let her enjoy the last and remaining few months of her life... I’m very sorry.”

Mom started sobbing uncontrollably, before pushing the doctor out of my room. I remained calm and stoic, badly wanted to cry but I chose to remained silent and secretly suffer in pain.

Mom and I haven’t talk about that thing until she falls asleep out of tiredness and sorrow. And that’s when I finally got my chance to escape. I need to see Gabriel now, for I didn’t know when the deadline is going to happen. The doctor is right. I should enjoy the remaining moments of my life. So I think it wouldn’t hurt me to see my bestfriend just this one last time.

As soon as I stepped outside of my room, I closed the door shut and run through the hallways of the hospital, trying to find an exit that no one would ever saw me escaped. Until I unexpectedly bumped into someone who’s currently running in a hurry too.

“Shit,” I cursed as I landed on top of him.

I’m afraid that it might be the doctor, or maybe one of my nurses. If that is the case, then my Mom is surely going to get really mad at me for trying to escape in this hell hole.

When I looked up to see who it might be, my eyes automatically widen after seeing my bestfriend’s face. It was Gabriel! But how can he be here? I slowly raised my hands to reach for his face. My eyes suddenly got teary for apparently no reason, before I uttered his name.

“G-Gab?”

“Hey!” He help me sit up after he saw my tears started to fall down from my eyes. “What happened? Why are you running?”

He gave me an observing look. When he realized that I’m still wearing a hospital gown, worried instantly invaded his face.

“You’re here...” I stated, ignoring his questions.

“Yeah, I am. I wanted to surprise you but you weren’t in your given address. The old lady there told me that you got a room in here. But the nurse... She wouldn’t let me talk to you.”

I blinked several times before giving him a tight hug. I felt him stiffened, but after a few seconds, he returned my embrace, causing me to smile melancholically. The idea of spending my last and remaining days in here with Gabriel doesn’t sound so bad at all. Though it’s sad...

“Are you alright?” he asked while still holding me.

“Y-yeah... It’s just that... I missed you so much.” I heard him chuckled after that.

“I missed you too... Don’t worry, I’m here now.” He gently pushed me away, looking at me straight in the eyes. He wiped my tears, before asking another question. “Are you okay? Why are you running anyway?”

“I’m...” I felt guilty, remembering why I was running exactly five seconds ago. “I escaped from my Mom. She wouldn’t let me go, same as the nurses and my doctors. She’s the one who told them never to received any visitor at the moment.”

“But why?” he asked, full of curiosity.

“Because she doesn’t want me to get tired.”

“Sounds reasonable. Now let me take you back to your room.”

“No! Please, Gab. Please don’t do that. I can’t handle being locked up in my hospital room anymore. Please do me a favor... Get me out of here... Even just for a moment.”

He looked at me, seems like scrutinizing my pleading eyes. He sighed, before nodding.

“Just for a moment, okay? I’ll bring you outside but we are going in after a few hours.”

I nodded, then smiled. He helped me up, and we both gone to the nearest exit possible without the nurses seeing my face. After we escaped, he brought me to the store nearby just to buy me something to eat.

“Here you go. Now eat. You looked... Terrible.”

“Thanks,” I chuckled, before I started eating. “Please remind me why you’re here again?” I asked him.

“I wanted to visit you. And... I wanted to give you something at the same time.”

“What is it?” I curiously asked.

He looked at me, before grabbing something out of his pocket. He showed it to me, and I instantly smiled in delight. It was a golden necklace, with a blue pendant. My favorite color.

“Where did you bought this?” I asked, amused.

“Philippines. I saw that in the marketplace and it instantly reminds me of you.”

“Thanks, Gab,” I stated in awe, badly wanted to cry again but I didn’t for I was afraid to ruin the good mood of the atmosphere between the two of us.

“You’re welcome. Want me to help you wear it?”

I nodded, accepting his offer. He stood up, before putting the necklace around my neck. He locked it up, before looking at my direction. He then flashed another killer smile of his.

“It’s beautiful, Gab.”

“No, you’re beautiful.”

My heart thumped so fast after hearing those words coming from him, before I snapped back to my senses. The happiness... It won’t last. Nothing will last forever. Everything will come to an end, just like my life.

After talking and eating with each other, Gab finally decided to bring me back to the hospital. And as he bid his farewell to me right in front of the entrance, my tears started to stream down in my cheeks once again. But of course I wiped it secretly, afraid to let him know about my condition.

“Bye, Erevell. See you again soon.”

“See you,” I stated, before turning my back on him.

As I started to walk towards my room, that’s when I cry relentlessly. I’ve been loving him ever since we were still a child. And maybe I’ll just have to continue loving him secretly until I reached the brink of the afterlife. And that’s the painful truth of the reality. Fate is cruel, indeed.