CHAPTER 49: His Painful State

GABRIEL’s P.O.V.

I thought that moving on will be as easy as I promised her before she died. But it is not. It was just a deadly fraud that I have to get on pretending after her death. It’s been days, weeks, and months, yet I haven’t moved on. Three months to be exact. I don’t know how time flies that fast during these moments. All I know is that, I can’t start living without her presence. Just the thought of she being gone forever in this world makes me feel like dying as well. I can’t stand that thought, nor will I ever be able to. It hurts, and the pain is unbearable. I guess this is the feeling of just existing, not living. It wasn’t even in the bare minimum.

I took the bottle of liquor in the table, before taking another shots directly from it. I wiped my lips, before staring blankly at the place ahead of me. I wish Erevell is here. I wish that she is here to mend and fix my painful state. I love her so much, and losing her can be compared to taking away the colors in my life.

“Gab... Please stop this,” Mom stated, before getting the bottle of liquor on my table. She’s here again. Every night, she is the one who’s trying to stop me from numbing myself from this kind of pain.

“Give it back!” I demanded.

“No, son. Stop this already... I know it’s been hard for you but trust me, Erevell’s Mom surely feel the same. You are not alone in this...”

“I am, Mom! I am! I’ve been alone ever since I was a child! It was her who pulled me out from being alone! It was her who helped me out! She’s been through every single step in my life... While I’m... All I ever do was to care about myself...”

“No... You’re wrong, Gabriel. I am here. Erevell’s Mom is here... You loved her daughter, right?”

“I love her, Mom! More than my life... More than anything else. But I loved her too late... Now I have to keep on loving her until my last breath...”

“Gabriel... Don’t think like you haven’t given her enough... Because you did. You stayed with her during her last moments in life. You chose to be with her, even though you know that this is going to happen... You are brave, son.”

I cried, before gasping for some air. All of the sudden, I burst out into tears, sobbing out loud. My whole body started shaking, before I felt the comforting arms of my Mom wrapping around my body.

“Shhh... Cried all you want, Gabriel... Mom is here... I won’t leave you.”

“But I don’t know how to continue living without her... I don’t know where to start... Mom... Please help me,” I cried like a child, like a child whom needed his Mom during his darkest moments.

“Just take your time... You’ve got long years ahead of you to moved on... But you can’t stay in this state. Stop doing this to yourself. Don’t be too hard on everything. Erevell wouldn’t want to see you like this... Everything you need... I’ll be here. I’ll stay right here.”

“What if I can’t? What if I won’t be able to move on?”

“You will, trust me. All of these will come to an end... But only time can heal your heart. Only time will tell you when you’re ready to start fixing yourself... Not for me, not for Erevell, but for you. I know you can do this, son.”

That night, was the first night that I ever slept well ever since she left us. My Mom is right. I don’t have to to keep on hurting myself. No one ever wanted this to happen, and Erevell wants me to realize that through my Mom. She’s still in my heart. And she will remain here, forever even though she’s gone.

It’s been three years since Erevell died. Within those three years, I’ve spent my time trying to move on, yet I failed. It turns out, I realized that could never move on from her. But that doesn’t mean that I have to spend the rest of my life suffering in pain. It doesn’t mean that I have to stay in that painful state because just like what Erevell said, I have to live my life to the fullest, one thing that she never got the chance to do.

For the past three years, I focused on running our family business, merging with large companies while starting my own charity. One that was especially focused on giving financial help to cancer patients. Well, I got inspired from what happened to my life. I wanted to help as much as I can to the cancer patients because I don’t want their families to suffer in the same way I did. I wanted to give them hope, and assured them that miraculous things can happen. I wanted to be their shelter, one that they could run into during their hardest moments.

“Erevell must be so proud of you,” her Mom stated, while the two of are staring down on her grave.

“I hope so, Mrs. Smith. I hope I made her happy through everything that I did... I want to fulfill my promises to her. I wanted to help as much as I can and live my life to the fullest,” I stated, before smiling at her direction.

“Thank you, Gabriel...” she whispered all of the sudden, making me turn my gaze upon her direction.

“For what exactly, Mrs. Smith?” I asked her.

“For giving my daughter hope. For allowing her to feel how to love and to be loved. For letting her know the true meaning of living...”

“I could have never done that without her. I love her so much... And I will never get tired of loving her even though she’s gone.”

“Thank you,” again, she thanked me before she cried.

I gave her a gentle hug, before the two of us finally bid our farewells to one another, as well as to Erevell. I know that it will be a long time before I will be able to visit her again, but surely, she can understand my situation. She is the most thoughtful and loving person I know... And more than that, she’s my home, my shelter.