CHAPTER 45: Getting Tired

GABRIEL’s P.O.V.

After taking Erevell back to the hospital, I decided to come home, where my Mom is currently waiting for me at the living room. I flashed a wide grin when I saw her, and she instantly knew what happened today. Well, I already informed her that I am going to confess to Erevell, and I am willing to face her death any time soon. But before that, I wanted to tell her everything... To tell her how I feel because not letting her know will be my biggest regret. My Mom just gave me a mischievous smile in return before patting the seat beside her. I sat down, feeling exhausted but very happy.

“She said yes, isn’t she?” she interrogated me.

“Yes, Mom. I can’t believe it... I’m already dating her.”

“I knew it. She likes you too... In fact, she loves you. I can see the way she looked at you every single time. Ever since you were a child. And now that you are old enough, you finally figured it out. It’s just a shame that...”

“Mom, please don’t say that.”

“I know, son, I know. But let’s be real this time. You already accepted that, right? I just wanted to make sure because I don’t want you hurting yourself in the end because of those expectations. However, I’m sure that Erevell already said it to you herself.”

“She did, a thousand times already. Yet, that still doesn’t change the way that I feel for her. I love her, Mom... And I am willing to take the rest of getting hurt just to be with her.”

“Of course, son. Just always remember that I am here, okay? I will be willing to listen to everything. I’m just one step behind you.”

“Thank you, Mom. Thank you for supporting my decisions.”

She smiled, before giving me a hug. After that scenario, she urged me to take a rest, after a long and tiring day. But as I lay down on my bed, I began to feel anxious, as if something bad just happened to Erevell. I immediately took my phone, before dialing her Mom’s cellphone number. No one picked up. I sighed, before I decided to come back. I don’t know why, but I could feel the need to do so. Something might have happened to her, and I can’t afford to let any moment slip if ever.

And so I dashed into the hospital, driving my car through the dark road before I reached that building. I parked my car, before running towards her room. As I did, I saw doctors inside, as if trying their very best to save her. I felt my word stop, only the loud blaring of the machine is all I can here. Until the doctor announced something... Something unexpected.

“We successfully revived your daughter, Mrs. Smith.”

I fell into my knees, kneeling down on the ground while crying out of relief. I thought I already lost her... But I didn’t. She’s still here, and I know that's he will wake up soon.

“Thank you so much, doctor! Thank you!” her mother cried.

When she saw me on the ground, she shook her head, as if she already accepted it herself but she is still hoping for that miracle to happen, same as I. Eight hours passed. Her Mom decided to take a break and leave Erevell on my care, before she unexpectedly woke up.

“Hey... You’re awake,” I stated, before sitting at the edge of her hospital bed. “How are you feeling?”

“Good, I guess?” I held her hand, before planting a kiss at the back of it.

“I love you.”

“Where did that come from?” she asked me, smiling weakly this time.

“Here,” I pointed my chest.

She chuckled, making me laugh bitterly along with her. I don’t know why, but I felt sad rather than happy at this current moment. I should be contented by loving her for a short span of time. I should have accepted this the moment that I decided to confess my feelings for her. But now that we are getting closer and closer to that inevitable death, I’m getting more weak and vulnerable, thinking that I can’t live without her.

“You really know how to make me happy, Gab.”

“Of course... What’s the point of loving someone when I couldn’t make you happy, right?” She bit her lower lip, before staring at our hands intertwined.

“Sorry... I love you but I can’t stay. I can’t make you happy just like what you always do for me...” she trailed off.

“Then I’ll take whatever you can give. I won’t ask for more, Erevell,” I lied, even though the truth is I badly wanted her to stay.

I gave her a genuine smile, before caressing her sweet face. I love her so much, and I can’t afford to lose her.

“I’ll miss that.”

“You’ll miss what?”

“Your smile... I’m going to miss that when I...”

“Please don’t talk like that... You sounded like you are going to leave us soon...”

“But I will... And I already accepted that fact... Honestly, I’m so scared to die before... But now, I am not afraid of death anymore. Because I already live my life to the fullest. And you made that possible, Gab.”

“But... We still got a lot of things to do, you know that. Don’t you want to make our record as one hundred fifty pieces of siomais? Don’t you want to take more pictures in front of the Merlion statue? And don’t you want to–” She pinched my arm, making me stopped talking.

“I’ll love to do all of that... But I don’t think that I can still do it... I love you, but I can feel that I’m slowly getting tired of things... Would you get mad if I... If I gave up?” she asked me, and her words sank like daggers inside of my heart.

The pain is there, and I know that it will never be erase, forever. I wonder why she talks like that. Is she getting tired of fighting for us?

“Can I ask you a favor?” I asked her, ignoring her last question before my eyes swelled up to tears.

“Sure... Anything that I can...”

“I won’t get mad if you’re really tired, Erevell. I won’t get mad if you decided that this is the right time for giving up... But if I can be selfish again... I will ask you to please, stay awake for now... Don’t leave us behind... I love you, Erevell. You are my light, my love, my shelter. I wouldn’t know the true meaning of living without you...”

Both of us cried, while asking the same questions in our mind. Why does fate needs to be so cruel? Why does pain needs to come along with love? And most of all... How can loving someone be this painful?