Chapter 36

Andy's POV

“Andrea,” he said, calling me my full name with his soft voice. “We really need to talk about this.”

I froze and my heart started pounding faster against my chest. His hand was warm around mine and I could not ignore the way my body reacted to his touch almost instantly. It was not fair. It was not fair how easily he could affect me or how quickly the wall I had been putting up crumbled whenever he was close to me.

I swallowed the knot in my throat as I tried to pull my hand away from his but he didn’t let go.

“Jason, we can’t-“

“Why can’t we?” He asked, cutting me off. “Why can we not talk about it? Why can we not just be honest with each other?”

“We can’t because,” I started to say, my was voice shaky so I took a pause and took a deep breath. “Because it’s complicated. You’re Bree’s dad, and-“

“And what?” he asked, his tone softening. “And that means we can’t feel what we feel?”

I bit my lips as my mind started racing with different question. What was I supposed to say to that? He was right and I hated that he was. I hated the fact that we could not just ignore it and pray it would go away because it kept coming back to me no matter how hard I tried to make it go away.

“We should definitely talk about it,” he said again with a steadier voice.

I finally pulled away from him and crossed my arms across my chest, trying to put a little more space between us even though I felt him so close to me no matter what.

The air was so thick with tension that a knife would able to cut through it.

“Fine. You want to talk about it? Let’s talk,” I said as I thought of the right words to say. “It was a mistake, Jason. I was disoriented, I was emotional, and it just happened. I shouldn’t have kissed you.”

“Well I am not sorry it happened,” he let out as he furrowed his brows slightly and his mouth set in a determined line.

At his words, my heart skipped a beat and I felt my pulse quickening. He was not sorry? How could he not be sorry?

“You should be sorry!” I said, my voice rising as the conflict within me bubbled to the surface. “Jason, you’re my roommate’s father! You’re Bree’s dad. This should not be happening. It is so wrong on so many different levels. Do you even understand what would happen if she found out?” I asked him incredulously.

Jason let out a long sigh as his shoulders sagged in defeat as he finally took my words in. He ran a hand through his hair and I could see that he was trying to find the right words to say.

“I know, Andrea. You are right and you do have a point and I can’t argue that. But…” he said before pausing as he looked at me with soft conflicted eyes. “Why don’t we just start over again? Try to get to know each other better she see where things go from there, without any pressure and without any expectations.”

I shook my head in disapproval immediately as every part of me was screaming at me that it was wrong even though my heart was betraying me because it wanted it.

“No, Jason. I do not want to see or know where things would go or head to because I don’t know if I can. It’s too much,” I replied him.

I could see the look of disappointment written all over his face but he quickly masked it and it was gone as soon as it came aid he gave me a nod.

“Alright then,” he said with a quiet sigh. “ you are tight. I won’t push it anymore.”

He stepped back from me and I immediately missed the warmth of his body, his touch was still lingering on my body but it didn’t take long for my body to turn cold leaving just the memory of his touch and warmth.

“Sleep well, Andrea,” he said softly as headed towards his room. His voice was filled with different emotions that I could not understand but it made my chest feel heavy.

“Goodnight,” I said to him but I was not sure he heard because my voice was low and barely above a whisper.

He walked away and just like that, he was gone. The soft shutting of his door left me standing there in the middle of the living room. The silence was loud and almost suffocating as if the walls were closing in on me.

I just stood there, staring at the spot where he was standing in front of me just minutes ago, my heart was still beating fast against my chest. I had gotten what I wanted, what I had asked of him- I had pushed him away and set clear boundaries and also made it known to him that whatever happened between us was wrong and a mistake.

So why did I feel… disappointed? Sad? Why did a part of me wish that he had tried a little harder, a little more to convince me? Or to fight that we could have made it work even if we both knew it was impossible?

I took my hand to my head and pressed against it to try to calm the amount of thoughts that was running through my head. I could feel an headache coming through.

“Goodness, Andrea,” I said to myself. “What do you even fucking want? Do you want him or not?” I asked myself but it was a question I could not answer. A question I had no answer to.

Every logical part of me screamed at me that it was wrong and that nothing would come of it and that it would only lead to pain and regret. But, my heart… my heart was not listening. My heart wanted to be near him- in his arms. My body wanted to feel his touch again and my eyes to get lost in the way he looked at me, like I was the only person in the room, like I was the only one who existed.

I dragged my hand down my face as I groaned in frustration. This was definitely not supposed to happen. I was not supposed to be caught up in a mess like this. I was not supposed to be falling for someone I should not even be thinking about. But, here I was falling for someone off limits. Someone who was Bree’s father.

And no matter how hard I tried to push it all away, it was always coming back to hit me in the face. I was attracted to Jason. And I do not know what to do about it.

The living room felt too quiet and I realized I had been standing there for long so I made my way to my room. As my legs carried me to my room, my mind was still on Jason and it was replaying our conversations over and over again. I kept thinking of his words and how he had said he was not sorry for kissing me back. The way he had suggested we could just get to know each other better and see if things could work out.

I didn’t know how to process them all. One part of me was anger that he was not seeing how wrong all of this was but another part- a smaller, quieter part was happy he suggested it and wished things could work out. Wished that there wasn’t so many things in our way and stopping us.

When I finally got to my room, I locked the door and jumped on the bed as I pulled the blankets over me as if they could protect me from my raging thoughts. I turned around to stare at the ceiling because I could not just relax and my head wouldn’t stop spinning.

Why could I not just feel one way? Why was I feeling a mix of emotions? Why did thing have to be complicated?

I groaned in frustration as I tried to sleep. Eventually, I became tried and sleep began to take me into its arms but even as I closed my eyes, the memory of Jason’s hand on mine, the way his touch was warming, the way his eyes were trained on me all replayed in my head continuously and it was refusing to let go or me or let me sleep.

I turned to my side and squeezed my eyes shut tighter praying that it would help. But no matter what I did, I could not help but feel that I was being dumb and walking away from something that could have been… more.

But then I remembered Bree. I remembered the way she trusted me, the way she had started opening to more to her father and the bond they shared. And suddenly, everything felt heavier again.

I could not do that to her. I could not risk causing her pain by hurting her. I could not risk tearing apart the relationship she had with her father. It would end in disaster no matter how much I wished everything would work out.

I let out a sigh as I buried my face in my pillow and prayed for sleep to finally take me. But even as I drifted off to sleep, Jason’s voice echoed in my mind.

Goodnight, Andrea.

And for some reason, the way he had said my name felt like a promise. One I wasn’t sure I was ready to confront.