17. Insanity

I tried to count the days I was in the cage, but time was lost. In the darkness I could tell nothing. The scent of Hades lingered for a while on my skin, but it too fell away after time. I was all alone. I reached for my gift as often as I could. Flowers, I could feel them but not see what I had created. Then they would die, and I would feel the crisp petals and I would do it again just to do something to past the time. But as time passed my gift started to morph. Where I had created flowers, I now was struck with thorns. They would slice into my skin.

No one brought me food or water. Not that I needed it to survive but I missed the taste and flavors of it. In darkness my gift grew, I could feel it beneath my skin. It was dark and demented. I would practice growing thorny vines and making them whither and withdrawal. Doing it over and over again. I would experiment with the size I could grow the thorns. Feeling them with my hands to see how big they became. Then I would wither them and start again. I had sliced myself so many times, I felt the blood on my skin. It would dry and heal only to be opened again when I practiced.

I stopped caring that I was no doubt dirty beyond comprehension. My body was covered in dry blood. I let the thorns crowd me when I slept. Letting the sharp points dig into me. It was better to feel, and it was the only way I could sooth myself to sleep. But my dreams were filled with the Lord of the dead. He would sometimes call out to me asking where I was, telling me he loved me. But I never could tell him my location because I didn’t know. When I awoke, I would feel horrible. He had not come for me. It was a realization every time I rose. He was not there. My mother’s words replayed in my mind constantly “he can’t love, death does not love.” I doubted she was right. But still he didn’t come. My mother had not come to check on me. I was abandoned by everyone. Not just my mother, Hecate, Hermes, Lola, Charon, or Hades, none came.

I was alone and was torture. I hated sleep, it felt like a lie, I was done with lies "all gods lie” my mother’s words. She was wrong though Hades never lied to me. But even if that was true, he still was not here. I was alone, like never before darkness and my thorns being my only companion. At some point I was no longer able to grow flowers. I don’t know when that stopped but I knew it had. I couldn’t make anything beautiful and though I couldn’t see it I knew it. My mind tended to wander. I would think about the meeting I was supposed to attend with Hades. That had never happened nor would it. I thought of Athena’s temple and it burning. Of the talk Zues and Hades had that pertained to Kronos. But eventually my mind seemed to become vacant. Once it had been full of thoughts about what I had seen and heard. But those thoughts faded, the only ones that reoccurred were my dreams.

I tried to force myself to stay awake just so I wouldn’t wake up to find out my dream was not real. I hated that it left me more hollow than I already was. I couldn’t stand the feeling of hope, and that is what my dreams were hope. If I woke up, then I felt crushed so the only solution I had was not to sleep. But that had turned out to be impossible. I would use my gift to the point I couldn’t stay awake. Just to throw myself in a cycle of pain. I was falling asleep, my thorns caressing me into comfort. When bright light appeared. My eyes hurt adjusting to the light. I finally saw my thorns. They were black and they were piercing into me suspending me from the floor of my cage. I couldn’t take my eyes off them. A deep voice called to me. One I only heard in my dreams. I forced my eyes up from my creation.

There he was Hades. “Persephone darling, I am here. I am going to take you home.” He pulled out a weapon and hit the cage over and over, eventually it caved and the whole thing fell open. My thorns that had been supported by the bars released and I dropped to the ground. He rushed toward me. I was silent. This had to be just another dream I told myself. Hades scooped me into his arms. My hands ran up his chiseled bearded face. He looked down at me. He was not there, I told myself he was just another dream. I would wake up and be alone once more in darkness. His mouth crashed into mine and I didn’t do anything. The pressure on my lips was bruising but I didn’t react. I didn’t want to feel the sting when I woke up and found him gone. Hades pulled his mouth from mine and stared at me. His deep voice spoke once more “Let’s go home.”

I don’t know what happened after that. I thought I had fallen asleep. But I didn’t remember dreaming of anything which was abnormal. I opened my eyes finally; Hecate was looking down at me. “Hello my queen.” She spoke. Hecate was never in my dreams. I didn’t know what was going on. My mind felt jumbled. I was lying flat on something. My eyes were going back and forth where was I? “No need to be scared. You are safe now.” I didn’t respond. I figured my mind was lost. All of this had to be some kind of hallucination. Had my thorns now developed into inducing hallucinations. I laughed. What wicked things they were. If that was true maybe my cage would be more enjoyable, I thought.

Hades face was now looking down at me. ”Persephone darling I need you to come back to me now.” I laughed again, what marvelous things I had created. I lifted my hand up and shot out a thorn into my other arm. I wondered what would happen if I induced more of whatever the thorns had produced. Would the hallucinations last longer, I hoped they did. I began shooting more thorns into myself. I would live in this fake world, I told myself. “Hades we have to put her under. She won’t stop.” My eyes fixed on Hecate and a vine with spines shot out at her. “Hades do it, she is too powerful, you have to.” Suddenly the hallucination was gone. Back to darkness I fell.

A warm wet substance was on my forehead. “Shhh You're okay it was just a nightmare you are home in the Underworld. You will never see that cage again.” Again, I opened my eyes. Hades was there. I spoke my throat feeling raw “Hades.” He nodded, taking my hand in his own. “You aren’t here. Wake up. Wake up. He isn’t coming.” I screamed despite the pain. “Persephone darling, I am here I did come.” I thrashed and I felt the comfort of my skin being sliced by my thorns. Hades ran his hand over the new cut. I felt his warmth. “My little goddess I did come for you. I am just sorry it took so long. I am here, I’m not a dream.” I shook “gods are all liars. Wake up wake up.” I screamed at myself. Hades kept his hand on me as I kept the thorns kept slicing.

Again, I was lost in time. I felt like I couldn’t wake from the nightmare. I was finally still, and I felt a large tongue run across my face. One of my eyes opened. “Cerberus?” Another lick and both eyes opened. To find three massive dog heads over me. The middle head lowered and rested on my abdomen. It was heavy and I felt it everywhere. This couldn’t be a dream. Cerberus was there. His weight was all encasing. I moved and so did the large three headed dog. I sat up. I was alone with Cerberus. I wobbled as I stood. Leaning on the massive beast. I looked around. I was in Hades and my room in Hades Palace. How had I gotten here? Where was my cage? I kept asking myself. “Hades” I called out. No response, I tried again but there was nothing.

“Cerberus let’s go find your master.” I said and the dog moved allowing me to lean on him. We went through the palace. Everything felt so distant. If this was real where was Hades? Cerberus led me to the throne room. I looked up and saw him. His body slumped on his dark stone chair. “Hades?” I said softly his eyes rose from where they had been staring at the floor. “Take me to him Cerberus.” I said and continued to lean on the dog. We walked down the grand room. Making our way up to the throne. “Persephone darling come here” with a nudge from the beast I moved toward the god of the dead. Once close enough he pulled me onto his lap. “Do you know you are no longer in your mother’s cage?” I nodded. “Do you know I am not a dream?” Again, I nodded. “Finally, do you know where you are?” I looked around the throne room and down at Cerberus who had laid down on the floor, his heads resting on his front paws. “I am home.”