Chapter 7

When I got home that night, I felt something I thought I’d moved on from already. The waves of emptiness, siphoning from within the walls and into the voids of my apartment.
Alone. I was alone, once again.
No Marcus. No Cristo. No Aubrey, either. Her and Jenna were on a European tour together. Alex? I preferred her sober for such occasions.
I really had no one, did I?
With a sigh, I fell face first into the couch and let my heels fall to the floor. Familiar. This was all so familiar. Holly barked lightly next to me, so I reached out to pet her soft fur. So familiar, but not in a good way.
The phone rang, but I ignored it.
Not now, I told myself, Too tired.
It took a moment before it went to voicemail.
“Hi, Lilith…” came her soft voice and I froze, “It’s me. I thought leaving you alone might…help? I don’t know. Please come home. Not to stay, I won’t ask that of you. But to talk. I believe we have to talk.”
I rolled my eyes in annoyance, reminded of the peace I had when mom wasn’t interfering in my life. But I knew I needed to talk to her at some point and move past what happened. I knew she was afraid of me cutting off the money I send her. As sad as it was, it felt good to have some sort of dominance over her. The financial aspect was my biggest chess piece in this horribly turbulent dynamic. It kept her in check, and I’d decided to not spoil her anymore.
A surge of energy rushed through me, and I picked myself up to call Lyra.
“When’s my appointment with Jean-Pierre tomorrow?”
“In the evening.” she replied, “Why?”
“Great, I won’t be in the office tomorrow.”
“I got her message.” She responded carefully, “Would you like me to drive you there and back?”
“I’ll manage it, Lyra.” I smiled into the phone, “You’re a sweetheart. Hold the fort for me?”
“Always.”

I’d packed for a night stay and popped into my car within the hour. I wasn’t quite sure what I was going to do, but I had an idea. I was done spoiling my mom. She’d used me my whole life, and all I got was re-opened wounds, disrespect, and trauma. I needed to put an end to this.
By the time I got there, a car was pulling out of the parking area and driving away into the darkness. I couldn’t tell which kind of car it was, other than the fact it was bright red. Before I could even read the plate, it was gone. I felt panicky for some reason seeing a completely strange car just rush away. I gassed it and pulled the car quickly into the driveway, jumping out and turning the doorknob. It was locked.
“Mom?” I called out loudly and rang the doorbell urgently. My breath was getting caught in my throat, imaging the worst that could happen to a woman living all alone in the suburbs. It wasn’t even a second later that I heard rushing footsteps and she opened the door. Her eyes widened in shock, the whites reddening.
She’s okay, I comforted myself mentally. My airways opened up and I could finally breathe, but I backed away from the door as soon as she moved. Her arms hung mid-way to me, but I wasn’t going to hug her.
I needed to hold my ground.
“Who was that? The person that just left?” I demanded.
She shook her head and gave me a dismissive wave of her hand, “It was a friend. She came to check up on me. Are you coming in?”
“Yeah.”
She only nodded and turned around quickly to go inside. I headed back to the car to get my bag and dragged it inside. I dropped it by the kitchen, seeing her at the island setting up dinner. Shrugging out of my coat, I walked in to help. She’d made quesadillas. We soon sat down across from each other and started eating.
“I wasn’t expecting you so soon.” She said.
“I won’t stay too long,” I explained, “I have a meeting tomorrow in the evening.”
“Is work going okay?”
“Yeah.”
She nodded and went back to eating. I took a small bite, not wanting to have anything concrete in my stomach in case I had a panic attack and threw up.
“Who else did you tell about Mark?” I asked off the bat. She froze, but only for a second before she started eating.
“It slipped out on the cruise,” she admitted, “I was drunk and very alone. And I missed you. The Blights were just there and they started talking to me. They made me feel included. Going on a cruise on your own isn’t as fun as you’d think, Lilian.”
Fair enough, I thought to myself, she has a point.
“So, it was just them?”
“Yes.”
“Why?” I demanded, feeling the heat rise up my neck, “You hated me for everything that happened and still do. Why would you disrespect my privacy like that? Wasn’t spilling it to our family enough?”
She stayed silent and took a sip of her rootbeer.
“Answer me.” I breathed as my vision blurred, “Tell me why you’re out to make me look like…like I’m some seriously fucked up person and make people pity me or drive me away? Why are you forcing me to marry? Why do you hate me so much for something another person did to me?”
“You had to make your own path at one point.”
“By being abused?” my voice was rising now, “Hadn’t you already done enough that you let someone else add to it?!”
She slapped the counter stop, eyes wide with mania. “WHAT WAS I SUPPOSED TO DO, HUH?” She screamed, “HE WAS IN THE POLICE!”
“You SHAMED ME!” I roared as I shot up to stand, “YOU ABANDONED ME AND LET ME TO ALMOST DIE!”
“What the hell do you want from me for it, then?”
“TO STAY THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME!” I screeched so loud I got dizzy.
“I’m your mother!”
“OH!” I scoffed with a dark laugh, “You conveniently forgot that little fact when I needed you most, didn’t you?”
“FINE!” she gripped her hair, “I messed up! Happy? Is that what you wanted to hear?”
I didn’t bother replying, trying to catch my breath. I probably looked very deranged, my hair all over the place and face sweating from the heat of it all. Mom looked just as disheveled, if not worse.
With a deep breath, I composed myself and straightened my hair and clothes. Clearing my throat, I announced it as firmly as I could, “You’re on your own now. I’m not paying for anything.”
“What?”
“You heard what I said. I want you completely out of my life.” I confirmed, “I’m want to have no contact with you from now on.”
“You can’t do that.”
“I can and I will.”
“Lilian…” she breathed as a panicked look came over her face, knowing I was serious, “Lilian, I made you who you–”
“You didn’t pay for my college, dad did.”
“I still looked out for you!”
“You abandoned me for four years at the hand of those monsters.” I reminded her harshly, “Honestly, I’m glad you did. God knows you would’ve told dad all about it in spite just to cut off my college funds. You are both trash in your own ways. Why I ever agreed to care for someone like you is beyond me. After everything you did to me.”
“Then why are you here with your bag?” she demanded.
“Get your mail.” I demanded, “I want to see your bills. I’m covering you for the next six months and after that you’re on your own. Be grateful I’m even doing this much.”
Mom breathed heavily through her nose and she glared daggers into me. She pushed herself to stand and walked around the island away from me and up the stairs to her room. I heard the slam and lock all the way downstairs.
I sighed and slumped back into my seat, holding my head. It was pounding. Reaching out for the jug of water, I poured out a glass and finished the rest of my quesadilla. It was going to be a long night.
After finishing up and changing into comfortable clothes, I pulled out the sofa bed in the living room and plopped onto it. I needed a nap before I looked around for the mail and put the bills together to calculate.
Going to the storage cupboard and pulling out the spare pillow and blanket, I headed back to bed and made myself comfortable. My phone vibrated as I got settled in and I checked it one last time for the night.
I’m sorry –Marcus
I rolled my eyes and blocked him.