Chapter 3

The party was only getting merrier with time, but I found myself still wanting to keep to the shadows. Mrs. Beaumont had left me at the top of the stairs to join her guests. The hallways to my bedroom was right behind me. I could take off and hopefully no one would notice. There was a ridiculously huge library back there that I could entertain myself in. It strangely felt like just talking to the Riccis had drained me of most my social energy.
I headed towards the stone balustrade and placed my forearms on it, leaning forward a little to look down at the scene. It felt very Baroque, as if royalty of the past had come back to life and held a grand ball. Although, I’m sure their parties were a lot bigger.
What would it be like to live in a world less complicated than this one? Although I was sure the world before had its own set of unique issues that I wouldn’t want to put up with either way.
I needed open space, though. It felt like my ribs were slowly starting to constrict around my lungs. Had I drunk too much? Or was this my gut telling me something.
Almost immediately, my eye caught the unmistakable shape of Cristo coming up the steps.
Run.
Turning promptly on my heel, I walked into the hallway as calmly as I could.
Just keep your head high, I reminded myself, keep breathing and keep walking. You’re almost there.
Why did I suddenly feel so lightheaded? As if the world would come crashing around me? I wish I had Holly with me, but Lyra was taking care of her, like all the other times when I’d be gone.
Maybe going to Italy would be good for me. This trip could work out, unlike last time…
If Cristo would stop following me, it would make me feel a lot better about everything. Gosh, this was so confusing. Did I really like him? Why did he make me feel so many other things that were so darned uncomfortable? What was the point of having such a crush?
Honestly, I did not want to have a crush on Cristo at this point. At least, I didn’t want to accept it so soon after I got a restraining order against Marcus. Gosh, I can’t believe the guy had the nerve to stalk me! It’s like I fall into one drama after the other.
Did I need therapy? Probably. Did I have time? Not at all. Was that an excuse? I didn’t want to think on it. The balcony doors were up ahead and I could do all the thinking I wanted out there.
I just needed to get away from Cristo who was still behind me!
“All right,” I sighed and spun on my heel with the balcony doors right behind me, “what do you want?”
Cristo halted in his steps, looking awkward as his eyes roamed around the room to look anywhere but at me. I crossed my arms and clicked my ankles together, tapping my foot.
Why wasn’t he saying anything?
“Well?” I demanded.
“You ever noticed that I’m almost always following after you?” he tried playfully with a rub of his neck. I gave him a deadpanned look, wondering if he was being serious.
“Are you implying Marcus isn’t my only stalker?”
He groaned lightly and covered his face with his hands, dropping them quickly.
“It’s like you’re immune to fun and humor.” Cristo looked exasperated. The silvery gray eyes weren’t as stormy and intense as I remembered them. He looked tired. Very genuinely tired.
“You should go back.” I said softly, pulling my gaze away from his golden skin that tempted me closer to him. My fingers were itching to caress the skin of his face and smoothen out the tired lines of worry. He looked so different now, and not as happy. I wondered if things weren’t getting better with Blair. I wasn’t even happy at the thought of that, because I was more concerned for Cristo in that moment over anything else.
“Lilith…” he coaxed softly, taking a step forward, “you know things aren’t just going to smooth over like this. There’s still so much to talk about. You still need me to prote–”
“I don’t need anyone!” I snapped abruptly. It was reflexive and beyond my own control, and I was surprised by how fast I reacted to what he’d said. Cristo looked so taken aback that his hands shot up in front of himself, as to defend from a physical attack.
“Whoa, hey, you know that’s not how I meant it.”
“Oh, really?” I seethed with a roll of my eyes, “You know, you have a very annoying habit of getting me in trouble and then playing hero. It’s not cute.”
He stared at me, slack jawed. “What do you–okay, what is that supposed to mean?” he demanded.
“Tell me, Cristo,” I breathed with balled up fists, “At your parent’s charity event, did you bump into me on purpose?”
He scoffed, almost laughing in disbelief. “No! I wanted to meet you and your blind ass walked right into me!”
“Wow.” I narrowed my eyes at him.
“Yes, Lilith,” he huffed in annoyance with hands flailing in the air, “I wanted to meet you again six years after messing up and make it up to you, okay? I wanted to apologize, maybe be friends. Hell, I just wanted to tell you how pretty you looked that day and go about my usual day. Was that so bad to want?”
“You know, ever since you came back into my life, all I got was drama.”
“Don’t pin Marcus’s and Blair’s bullshit on me, please!” he groaned at the ceiling, then looked back at me with a frown, “Is this still about her? You think she was behind the tabloids?”
“I showed you the emails!” I hissed as quietly as I could, noticing the servants looking around the corners in concern. I groaned frustratedly, “We need to take this elsewhere, we’re disturbing others.”
Cristo gestured to the balcony behind me, irritated. I shot back an equally annoyed scowl and spun around to march outside into the ridiculously cold breeze with him right behind me. My heart was thudding. I hoped it was from all the hard marching I was initially doing. But the beats it skipped with each click of Cristo’s steps made me question otherwise.
It was so infuriating!
The night sky spread out before me, stars peppering the sky in numbers I’d never seen before. My breath was stolen momentarily as I gazed at the moon in a daze. It was haunting the way it felt like there were pieces of diamonds suspended in the endless sky, falling ever so slowly.
Letting out the breath caught in my chest, I made my way to the railing and kept my eyes on the expanse. A large garden with a circular pond in the middle, a wooden bridge running across its center with yellow lamps glinting on its wood pilings. The flowers bloomed under the moonlight, glittering dew drops to be spotted even from this height.
“I showed you the emails.” I repeated with a snap in my tone. He only sighed and walked up next to me, turning to sit on the balustrade.
“You need to cut me some slack, honestly.” He tried again with civility, “I’m still trying to find my own truth in this.”
“What do you mean your truth?” my eyes narrowed at him as I scoffed, “This happened to me! It’s got nothing to do with you.”
“And you’re here fighting me on it.” He sighed pointedly while looking out at the dark horizon, “Is Blair’s guilty charge so important to prove to me? It’s not like we should care about each other, huh.”
Okay, that hurt. Admittedly, I did care about him to some extent. I knew why, but it wasn’t just the stupid crush. I was genuinely concerned for him. He was a good person in the clutches of someone absolutely horrible. I guess…I saw a bit of myself in him, especially when I was dating Mark. And right now, as the moonlight bounced off his skin like it was liquid gold, I was having a hard time deciding to let him be in this situation.
I wished there was a way to undo my stupidity and pull him towards myself.
“Now you’re just being petty.” I said softly and tore my eyes away from him.
“Let me bide my time with her.”
“You’re in love with her,” I rolled my eyes, “so nothing’s going to help you see anything past what you want to believe about her.”
He took in a sharp breath, “I–” a forced exhale, “I’m not in love with her like that, I assure you.”
I hated how assuring that felt, oh my gosh.
“It’s just that her and I go long back and…she was a good person. Or perhaps I never knew her? She’s still my friend, Lilith. I can’t just let go of her.”
“I don’t understand why something like that is so difficult for most of you.” I shook my head. I had no problem cutting off my own mother, or anyone else who mistreated me.
“Um, she cared about me?” he said defensively, “Why do you act like no one’s ever given a damn about yo–”
I turned immediately, daring him with my eyes to complete that sentence. He closed his mouth, looking pensive as we stared each other down.
“You know nothing about me,” I warned him, “so watch yourself before you say anything.”
This was enough for a night. I’d had enough.
What a stupid, silly boy you are, Cristo. I thought sadly, and left him under a lonely open sky without another word.